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| Need to Vent Group |
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OK I am broke...I hate it! I have no money and of course a LARGE portion of my hubbys salary goes to the ex for "child support"...UGH
MEANWHILE her version of child support is to drop her kids off at her parents house every single day and whichever of their friends wants them to sleep over on the weekends (and now i find out sometimes during the week on school nites too!!) and of course our weekends that we have them!!! she doesn't feed them, do homework or encourage ANY extra carricular activities at all.....she goes to the mall at least 3 times a week and recently had cosmetic surgery on her ummmm upper half! the kids have sweatshirts that cost more than my whole wardrobe and my little one basically gets all her stuff from my mom and dad since I am broke.....umm how is that fair? UGH |
| Posted by gina on 01/13/2009 04:52 PM
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Let me say, I understand how difficult it can be to struggle financially. And its easy to try to place blame.... BUT...
"Child support" is meant to help support the children. This includes food, gas, electricity, water, insurance, and anything else needed for daily life as well as stuff like toys and clothes.
You must have known when you married your "hubby" that he was supporting HIS children. I doubt he hid that fact from you until after you tied the knot. Were you not aware of the financial situation you were marrying into? Would you rather those children went without so that you could go to the mall 3 times a week your child could wear expensive sweatshirts? Whether those children lost their father to divorce or the parents were being irresponsible and created those kids without planning, they still deserve to be taken care of.
I know its easy to blame the "other mother" when your situation is dire. But consider the shoes she is in also. Perhaps she is better at budgeting her money and so she has extra money to buy expensive clothing. Or maybe she shops at quality thrift stores and buys used brand name items that only look expensive. Or perhaps her parents purchase the lavish items for the kids. I dont know. But what I do know is that she is the mother that is there everyday raising those kids without a full-time father "except on your weekends". Its probably a good thing that she has several people that love the kids enough to help take up some of the slack. You atleast have the benefit of having husband and father there to help raise your little one, even if her clothes are expensive! Its a bit of a trade off. The grass isn't always greener on the other side.
And just so you know, my husband pays child support also. I know what its like to see that money thrown around and ponder whether it could have been spent more wisely. But I have to remind myself that it is her money to spend as she sees fit to aide in the raising of my stepson. She is primary caregiver and so I keep my comments to myself.
One more thing - If you are worried that the kids are being neglected (i.e. not fed) I would suggest calling CPS or trying to get more parental time then just "your weekends". But remember, the cost to raise those kids probably far exceeds whatever large amount of money "hubby" currently pays out in child support!
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| posted by Kelly on 01/13/2009 05:46 PM
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| Wow, that's a tough one. Like Kelly said, child support is supposed to be used to support the children and many times men forget to include the things like utlity bills, gas, mom's time & travel, etc. Your husband's ex doesnt seem like someone I'd nominate for mother of the year, but then again I dont know enough to judge. If she was really that bad, wouldnt your hubby want to take custody of the children? You know I only have one daughter and so does my ex (my daughter's dad). I've told him it I know we will each find someone knew & chances are will have other children w/ other people someday. I've also made it perfectly clear to him what I want for my daugther & feel she deserves. There is NO reason why my child shouldn't have health insurance, braces if she one day needs them, attend private school, etc.etc. He agrees (now) and I've told him if we feel we cant afford to do that if we have other kids, well then we have no business having other kids. I asked him "lets say you're paying half of my daughter's private school & health insurance & have other children w/ your new wife who have medical & attend public school. Now new wifey has a problem w/ my daughter having better insurance & better school. What happens then? He agreed my daugther will always be well taken care of first, since she is the first born. I know it would suck for new wifey, but hey, my job is to look out for my daughter & her best interest. I know it sounds messed up, but if his next kids have to do w/ out, so be it. This is why it is SOOO difficult to get involved w/ people who have children w/ others & that is what scares me about dating again. |
| posted by April on 01/15/2009 03:32 PM
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| april, the kids should be treated equally. first born or second, kids are kids, not objects. |
| posted by ERIN on 01/16/2009 07:59 PM
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Kids should be treated equally, I agree. But if you cant afford to treat all of them WELL, then you shouldnt have a bunch of kids! That is Aprils point. You start off with one and everything is great but then you keep going and before you know it you have 4 and you can barely feed and house them? Would have made sense to quit when you were ahead, right? The saying goes "Dont live beyond your means" but I think "Dont procreate beyond your means" are also good words to live by. Why should the first mother and child suffer because the dad decided to make a new family that he cant afford to support?
I live in Colorado and they consider each child, in birth order. My stepson gets a bigger chunk of child support then my kids would get if I split from my husband because he was supporting him before we got here. Makes total sense to me! |
| posted by Kelly on 01/17/2009 01:46 PM
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