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| My daughter sees her father 2 weekends a month. I do not supply her w/ diapers,clothing, shoes; etc. A friend of mine says I should pack clothes. I disagree. Any ideas of right or wrong? |
| Posted by Michelle on 01/09/2009 11:42 AM
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Hey Michelle, since he pays child support I would at least supply her clothing/shoes for the time shes there. Legally, he's fulfilling his obligation for his part of 'supporting' her, so technically he is helping purchase her clothing, so he shouldnt have to buy extras for his house. If he wants to, that would be great, and it would make things easier on you, but I would pack a bag. Since he IS her father he should have things at his house for her, such as diapers, and wipes, etc.. I would talk to him if possible and let him know your thoughts..IF POSSIBLE.
If you havent been bringing anything, what does he do? Does he have stuff there for her? If so, then I wouldnt change anything. Obviously he's been making due. If he has complained or if she is coming home wearing the same thing you sent her over in, then I would pack clothes. Its easier/cheaper for him to run out a buy a pack of diapers if he needs it, but he shouldnt have to buy a new outfit for her every time she goes over there..ya know?
I personally pack the stuff my kids need when they go to their dads, b/c he pays child support so thats just how i feel.
Hope this helps. |
| posted by Amy on 01/09/2009 12:21 PM
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| I'm of two minds about this - for a long time I supplied my ex with diapers, breastmilk/formula, clothes and food. Now I send her clothes and thats it. But I send them in the diaper bag and he will still use the diapers I leave in there before using the ones he buys. And he won't use the clothes I send anyways. Our problem was that he stopped returning the clothes for a while - if your ex is doing that - I would send the things that don't fit as well or that you don't like as much, or don't send any at all. But if he is good about returning them then you might as well send them. Who knows, he may even wash them before he sends them back! |
| posted by Kate on 01/09/2009 12:44 PM
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| I agree if he's returning the clothes, go ahead and keep supplying them. As far as diapers and such, I would just supply what you normally put in to your diaper bag when going out for the day. Chances are he'll return it empty, but at least you're doing your part. |
| posted by April on 01/09/2009 03:51 PM
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I'm so surprised at these responses so far.
First off ladies he does NOT return her clothing. 2nd of all he sees her 4 damn days out of a month.He has no clue what being a parent is about! He gets his life! He gets to come and go whenever he feels like it. I cant even get a bottle of coke w/o taking my daughter w/ me. I don NOT feel bad not supplying him w/ ANYTHING!!! honestly, I just wish he could be a little more adult and alittle less of a boy! |
| posted by Michelle on 01/09/2009 04:28 PM
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Michelle, I think you're going throught the "Disneyland Dad Syndrome" as you seem frustrated. You know, the "Dad takes us to IHOP for breakfast and then to Disneyland" or "Dad let's us stay up as late as we want" or "Dad let's me eat candy, why wont you?" You know, where you want to say "Yeah, but your raggedy ass dad only see's you twice a month. He can afford to take you out to breakfast since he only feeds you breakfast 4 times a month. And the only reason he lets you do what u want and stay up as late as you want is bcuz he doesnt care. It's the weekend. He doesnt have to deal w/ the fact you're off schedule during the week. And he has extra time to do those extra activities w/ you bcuz he doesnt do laundry, have to cook, help out w/ homework, sanitize your stuff, etc, etc, etc"
Hey, you asked, so we answered. Sorry our responses weren't to your liking, but dont worry, I understand your frustration. The fact of the matter is unless you're going to be one of those moms who doesnt have custody of your child, you're screwed. As females, we take the "burden" Why do you think some men "spread their seed" and have 5 different kids w/ 5 different women. You think a woman can just do that like nothing? Forget the child support. That's the easy part. Who's going to raise these kids? Teach them morals? Help them w/ homework? Stay up w/ them when they are sick? etc etc etc.. Usually, us, the women. Dont worry, w/ double the work comes double the rewards. You get to see all her milestones and see her beautiful smile everyday. You get to see her ea. night before she goes to sleep. He doesnt.
MY suggestion to you is do what you feel is right as far as the clothing and diapers are concerned. And, why not treat yourself those weekends he has her so you dont feel like you dont have a life anymore. |
| posted by April on 01/09/2009 05:05 PM
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| Oh & I want to add I honestly believe Hate is a way stronger emotion than Love. I can tell you are still very angry at your daughter's dad for doing you wrong, or leaving or whatever it is he did. You picture him just living it up laughing all day, while you're forced to deal w/ all the "burdens" of parenthood alone. But it's not all bad, is it? I know children are difficult, especially when raising them alone, but arent they just the best thing to have ever happned to you? Cant her smile just make you forget everything else in the world for a second? I think you should pray & try to let go of those negative feelings you have for your daughters dad. I KNOW its hard (trust me, I know first hand), but honestly, you're just hurting yourself by still being mad. I dont want to say "let it go" because I havent done that either w/ my daughter's dad, but I do want to say "learn to let go as its the best thing for you" My daughter's dad is trying to work things out w/ me and there are days we are all happy. One big happy family when he comes over to see his daughter. Then something will come out on TV or whatever that makes me remember something he did while I was pregnant and BAM, I despise him all over again. This is not good for him, my daughter, or me. We will never forget, but I think you and I both need to learn to forgive. |
| posted by April on 01/09/2009 05:21 PM
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| Hey Michelle, if he doesnt return the clothing you pack for her, and you arent able to communicate w/ him to get it back, then no, I wouldnt send anything else. He obviously has at least a couple outfits for her, if he didnt return the other ones... Since I dont know your ex, I dont know how much he really cares about his daughter...im just wondering if you dont pack diapers/wipes/clothes...is he bathing her, and changing her as often as he should? I guess you know better than we do, so if he is maintaining w/out you supplying those things, then as I said before, keep doing what you're doing. He is obviously getting by w/ what he's got. There is no reason for you to go above and beyond to make his life easier, and I totally feel you on that...My main concern would just be to make sure my baby was properly taken care of while in his care. |
| posted by Amy on 01/11/2009 07:20 AM
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Thanks girls for your honesty.
I def know I need to LET GO> I left him when Natalie was only 7 months old. This man is emotionally and mentally abusive. I put up w/ it for 3 years and after "trying" to make things work after my daughter was born, I realized I didnt want her to think it was OK for any man to speak to her mother w/ such animosity. Mike made me feel like ANYTHING I did was not good enough! Im glad I'm not w/ him, but I do still feel sad. His new girl can deal w/ him and his issues. I love my daughter w/ all I have and just wish things with her parents were stable. Its like when we get along I care and when we argue its easier on me to be mad than care. I dont know! lol... Thanks again!~ |
| posted by Michelle on 01/13/2009 02:16 PM
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Letting go is incredibly difficult, but if your child picks up on your anger at her father, it could cause her some problems in her development. It's best to provide those things if it gives you peace of mind to know she has the things she needs when she is with him. You want her to have an enjoyable experience when she is there. A good therapist can help you to deal with your anger so that you and your daughter can have peace in your life. |
| posted by on 02/19/2009 06:05 AM
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i think that you are a very strong woman for leaving the father of your child and doing what is best for you and your daughter..i have been struggling with the father of my child in much the same ways...but i have ppl that constantly remind me if he does things..like not buying diapers or asking me to supply him with them for the weekend...its just not worth it to fight with my daughter around..i want her to know i'm the better person who thought about her needs and completely cared for her. you are giving her a life of peace and stability by what you are doing just remember that! by giving in with little thing to her father your actually giving your daughter a better mother. a mother who can be the better person even if the father never does...your child will... |
| posted by Ashley on 03/22/2009 10:11 PM
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