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| Parents of Toddlers |
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im new to all this divorce and child support/custody stuff. i mean everyone keeps telling me all different things so im kinda lost. ok here goes:
1)what does child support cover(like food, clothing, shelter, medical) any and all of those or no?
2) since my ex like wants nothing to do with the boys should i let him have full visitation rights or just give him set times and all? i mean i think he should have set visitation since he dont wanna take the time to talk to or see the kids on cam when hes always on with his girlfriend.
3)ok well i found out my ex is going to ft hood tx and will not ever be deploying again, and hes willing to come see the kids. but heres the thing that really bothers me about that: he wants to take the boys out of the state to ny to see his parents, and i dont trust them one bit. they had talked about before stealing the kids from me, and thats what im so worried about. i mean i wouldnt be worried if i never heard or seen that from them. and they refuse to sign something stating a date and time the boys would be back here to me. and i have no clue what i should do? or if i do let them go with him, if he doesnt bring them back to me, if theres anything i can do about it?
4)also since hes got full medical coverage on the boys, and told me that everything was taken care of and that its alright to use the dr we had been(which it wasnt), but we got charged half the bill. does that mean i should take care of it or him, cuz everyone says he should since he knew it wasnt right and all that and he never did check in with the people?
5)hes never even bought them birthday gifts or anything for christmas or whatever, but wants me to for him outa the child support. i dont know if i should or shouldnt,i mean i think its his responsibility not mine, and if he really cared he'd do it himself.
6)also he wants me to lie to the judge and army saying he gets the boys 6 months outa the year(which he wont), just so he can get a house on base. and i told him i dont wanna do that cuz i aint willing to get in trouble for him...but should i or shouldnt i?
7)and i dont know how to break it to him that the kids dont know him like at all: my oldest has known him for not even 17 months, and my youngest has known him for like 6 months. i mean they dont know nothing about him, and i dont really wanna break his heart when theyre gonna not want nothin to do with him or to even go by him or anything. i mean its really not my problem but i dont want him to think i did it when i didnt. so how do i help this situation? |
| Posted by on 06/18/2007 09:53 AM
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Hi,
GET A LAWYER IS MY SUGGESTION.
Every state has different laws. If he was the one to end the marrige then I would try to get him to pay for all the legal costs.
DON'T LIE FOR HIM!! THAT IS PERJURY (sp) AND SO ILLEGAL!!
Child support is basically to meet the needs of the child such as you said,there could be a different judgment on the decree stating that both parents split the out of pocket expense of medical and childcare for that matter.
If there is no court agreement on who has primary custody then if he did kidnap them then I don't think there is anything that can be done, but like I said above, please seek some kind of legal advice. Preferably someone who specializes in Family Law in your state.
Good luck!! Keep us updated.
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| posted by Lisa on 06/18/2007 11:16 AM
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| Hey Cassie, I agree with Lisa. You need to get some legal advice, and soon. There needs to be set boundaries for you and your kids, so that way you know what to do and expect. You can go online or look in a phone book to find someone in your area. I wouldn't allow your children to leave out of state until you get this figured out. You have rights as well as your children. At least meet with someone to get free legal advice before making any decisions. Just remember your kids well being comes first and formost! Good luck. |
| posted by Roxanne on 06/18/2007 12:30 PM
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| Cassie, are you legally divorced? If you are then you should have a divorce decree that basically outline the rights of both parents. If you were nevr married then you NEED to seek legal advice!!! I was divorced when my oldest daughter (now 17) was 5 yrs old...In hindsight this is what I can say is most important...Make sure you get physical custody or full custody, settle for nothing less, make sure tjhevisitation is flexible so that as the child gets older visitation won't hinder your childs schedule...NEVER do the week at moms and week at dads, it's very hard the child. Make SURE medical is provided by having all statements, cards, i.e. notices of cancellation sent to you, or get a number and call them every month for status...NEVER lie for anyone...Medical coverage will determine the doctor your kids see...DON"T FORGET to make sure dental expenses are covered in the divorce decree, you need to know that he will at least split the cost with you, GIFTS are gifts and NEVER come out of support. Support is determined on financial status of BOTH parents. You do not have to send your kids ANYWHERE that you are not comfortable, and if you ex-spouse wants to see them he needs to organize and pay for travel expenses, if they are young you should have him also pay for an escort. If anyone has ever suggested stealing your kids DON'T send them to that person. If anyone ever does make that threat get it documented with the police...Make sure your decree also states that Education will be a shared expense for such things like...piano lessons, dance lessons, sports camps, private school, textbooks, college tuition etc...All educational expenses shoyuld be shared, these things really add up. If they do go to college all financial responsibility should be valid until age 23 years or graduation, which ever comes first. It's a lot to think about but the time flies by and planning now will save you heartche and worries later... |
| posted by tara on 06/18/2007 03:23 PM
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| hi cassie! first off, i have never been in a divorce but my husband has. child support will cover any need for the child including all the things you said, and more if you see fit. do not lie for him. you owe him nothing. do not let the kids go to ny if they have talked about taking them before, just my opinion. get a lawyer, you are gonna need one. and most important, no matter what, you hang in there for those kids, and your sanity. if you feel like you just need to talk, email me anytime emmybresmama05@yahoo.com |
| posted by Jennifer on 06/19/2007 10:26 AM
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