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| Cosleeping Babywearing Breastfeeding |
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Hi All,
I am mom to almost 2 year old girl who has slept with my husband and I since birth.
I love the warm, snuggly times we spend as a family in bed reading Dr. Seuss and singing songs!
The question? Is sleep-sharing what is best for my child? Should we be teaching our child to sleep alone? Will she become too dependent on us?
I ask these questions because, of course, my in laws and family of origin (and some of my friends) seem to give me "that disapproving look" when they find out we sleep together as a family STILL(??!!)!
I would love to meet some other moms who sleep-share! Thanks!
Becca
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| Posted by on 12/15/2008 12:03 AM
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| My daughter is almost 2 and she still sleeps with us. |
| posted by Amy H on 12/15/2008 01:37 AM
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My son slept with me until he was 13-14 months old. I was breastfeeding him this entire time, so it was just more convenient for everyone. Around 12 months, I noticed he would completely roll away from me and kind of sleep on his own. He also completely quit nursing during the night. Also when he was 12 months, I found out I was pregnant again. My nipples were extremely sore, I could never get into a comfortable sleep position and I was getting up 50 times during the night to urinate.
My husband and I decided, since my son was showing some independence during sleep, that we would try to transition him to his crib (especially since #2 is due in late Feb/early March). We began by putting him in his crib for naps only for a week straight. The next week we put him in his crib at night to sleep. The first night he kind of woke up often, but then started shrieking at about 2 am. I instinctually got up and brought him into bed w/ me. The next night I decided I would let him ride it out if his crying did not go on for too long (15 min was my limit). The rule was also that my husband had to go in and check on him because if he saw me he would probably get upset and want to nurse.
The second night went totally smooth. He did wake up occasionally, but usually by the time I got up, went to the bathroom to urinate, he was done crying and back to sleep.
Soon after this (actually Dec. 2nd to be exact), he self weaned from breastfeeding. I was not going to make him stop, but I did use the 'don't offer, don't refuse' method.
So, I took a lot of cues from him that let me know he was ready for some independence. It's been great since then. He even tells us when it's time for 'nite-nite', which baffles me, but I'm grateful for it.
Use your best judgement. My best friend had her daughter in the family bed until she was almost 4 (although, in retrospect, she wished she would have had her in her own bed sooner). Do what's right for you and your family. Good luck! |
| posted by Allison on 12/15/2008 01:59 AM
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| Hi Becca! my son is 2 years old already and he still shares the bed with us... and he still breastfeeds too for that matter. I know what you mean though that you can get 'disapproving' looks and even constant 'advice' (well for me at least) that we should be putting him to sleep all on his own. But we do what's we think is right for our family... and no one should be the better judge of what you should do with your family than YOU yourself :) God bless! and Good luck! |
| posted by April on 12/15/2008 01:38 PM
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My son is one, and we sleep share part time. He usually starts out the night in his crib, and will join us after one of his wakings (he is a confirmed night nurser). We never set out to be a co-sleeping family, but became one to cope with my son's sleeping habits. Now that we have accepted co-sleeping as normal for us, everyone gets a much better night's rest.
I don't think you need to worry too much about co-sleeping making your son dependent. Some books that have helped me are Elizabeth Pantley's "The no-cry sleep solution" and Dr. William Sears' "The baby sleep book". I have heard that his "Nighttime parenting" is good as well. These books are accepting and even encouraging of sleep sharing, but Pantley's book also has some good tips for helping your child sleep on his/her own, if that it what your family would like. |
| posted by Lisa on 12/16/2008 02:23 PM
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My son is 3.5 and sleeps with my husband and I. We have tried to have him sleep in his bed, but its too stressful for him, it takes him forever to fall asleep (he cries) and he wakes up during the night. When he sleeps with us, none of that happens. Honestly I sometimes I think it would be nice for him to sleep alone, yet I miss him if he isn't in my bed.
I feel like he will decide on his own when he is ready to sleep by him self, when ever he is ready.
Other people don't live with you or take any responsibility for your child, so they don't get to have an opinion. Opinions are and will be always there, do what is best for you and your child. |
| posted by Alena on 12/16/2008 04:21 PM
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Hi, Becca -
In my culture (I am Indian) children co-sleep with their parents, until THEY are ready and eager to sleep on their own. There is no concept of forcing the sleeping arrangement issue, so I am not culturally conditioned to think it is right or wrong to let you child share your bed. All I can say is that my sister and myself, my cousins and all my Indian friends are about as normal, and well-adjusted as the next person. I have quizzed my mom about when she decided that it was time for us kids to leave their bed, and she said that she doesn't even remember - it was just not an issue. One fine day, my older sister wanted to sleep in her own bed, have her own room, etc etc...And, as for me - as soon as I was old enough to understand how cool it was to share the bed with an older sibling - I was out of my parents bed too.
As for the impact co-sleeping has on the adult psyche - my sister and I are annoyingly independent and self-reliant - but as Dr. Sears alludes to in his books - I think we are excruciatingly sensitive to our parents, their needs, and have very deep bonds with them, i.e. we are not independent minded enough to kick our parents to the curb the moment we were capable of taking care of ourselves. I suspect teaching a child self-reliance by making him eke it out in his own bed, in his own room - may strip him off something very important - faith in his fellow man's ability to comfort him when he is down. My husband was raised in a home where they were in their own cribs as infants, cried it out to sleep, etc. He is a very considerate man, super sensitive and wonderful - but fundamentally he has a tough time trusting that anyone would have his back if her were down. Not even his wife. He tries to battle through life alone, and this seems very sad to me. I would not want my little girl to be self-reliant like this to the point of never ever being able to really trust that someone will break her fall if it ever comes to that.
Runa
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| posted by runa on 12/19/2008 03:35 PM
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