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| I can kind of see what you are saying, my fiance works 50-60 hours a week, and i stay home with our daughter. even with him working that much, we have a hard time affording things, we do our shopping at Aldis, which is a discount grocery store. And we still live paycheck to paycheck. we never qualified for cash assistance or food stamps, but they at least gave us health care for our daughter... now we dont even have that. The month that they chose to recheck our case, my fiance had worked a bunch of extra hours to pay for my car to be fixed, our daughter's birthday party, and still be able to afford the regular bills. But since he made so much that month they took away her insurance, then told us they would send our case to husky b. we are still waiting (3 months later) to see if we qualify for it. I know first hand that some people need the welfare, and that they are fantastic when you need them, and are not just trying to get a hand out. But when people use welfare just so that they can sit home on their butt, that pisses me off. and it gives people who actually need the welfare, abad name. I dont blame you for getting mad about what that woman said... it is almost like she is flaunting her laziness. |
| posted by Becky on 12/14/2008 02:36 AM
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| We have food stamps, but we would never buy expensive stuff like that. We need those stamps to live on and not starve to death. It's people like the woman you describe that ruin it for those who need it, like my family. |
| posted by Alisa on 12/14/2008 03:21 AM
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| remember ladies...if you could trade problems with someone else's, you might just want your own back. you don't know that woman's situation...maybe she was buying those more expensive items for a special occasion? I'm not sympathetic to people abusing the system, but you never know what issues people have in life. If she was awarded food stamps, then she's free to use them how she pleases. |
| posted by on 12/14/2008 07:21 PM
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| My opinion is food stamps should be emergencies only along with welfare checks.if people are poor then get a job.i was a single mom at one time for 3 kids.i worked 2 jobs.i refused taxpayers money and or hand outs.i understand if there is a disabilty or something like that. but to just want the luxury to stay home an collect it is wrong.im 32 they say by the time i retire my social security wont be there.i pay that.i pay my taxes.im sick of people getting a free ride.what about all the working middle class? what do we get? nothing but higher taxes... |
| posted by amanda on 12/15/2008 02:46 PM
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| ;) |
| posted by April on 12/15/2008 03:35 PM
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| choosing to stay at home and raise your child is a personal choice, and it is the hardest, non-paying job anyone could ever have. If one partner is working hard and the other stays at home, and yet there isn't enough money for groceries, especially in these tough times, assistance is necessary, and thankfully available. Also, there are parts of the country where quality daycare costs more than the mother would make working anyway, so it's a wash. Again I will state that I'm not for abusing the system, but if a family is awarded food stamps, who are you to decide what kind of food they use them for? I'm not on food stamps, but would never begrudge anyone for using them if the government sees fit to give their family help. |
| posted by on 12/15/2008 03:51 PM
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| Daycare is too expensive for us, I tried that whole working thing for a month and we dug ourselves in the hole with daycare. My husband has a degree in Biology and History and he gets shit pay because of this economy. It was stupid for me to work only to see that money, plus some of my husbands money go into daycare because our son is an infant and it costs more for daycares to take infants where I live. I hate having to take food stamps, but if we don't we can't feed ourselves. Especially with student loans from my husband and me still in school. Oh and it wasn't by choice to have a child, but now that he is here we are going to try to make the best life possible for him and would have never thought of murdering him. SAHM work hard with no pay to raise our children, clean the house, cook, and have to deal with bull-shit from husbands/boyfriends. It is not easy to ask for help form the government I hate having to buy our food with stamps, but we need the help. It is people like the woman Amanda described that make the honest hard working people look bad. People who don't work at all and have more kids to not give a shit about just so they can get more support. My mother was just like you a working single parent with three jobs tried the best she could do for us, but it wasn't enough we staved all the time had to get free lunch at school and that was our only meal a day and she was stubborn never asked for help so we suffered for that. Nights when we would go to bed with an empty stomach for two days (weekends). I will not let my son suffer like I did and I will ask for help when we need it and as soon as we don't we will get off, but until then we will be using the food stamps. |
| posted by Alisa on 12/15/2008 03:57 PM
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| ;) |
| posted by April on 12/15/2008 04:13 PM
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| Monica it seems we are on the same boat together and trying all we can to keep that boat afloat in these hard times. I offered to work and did work until I realized that it was getting us nowhere, but backwards instead of forwards and as I said before I didn't choose to have a child it just happened and I will never go against my moral beliefs and kill an unborn child. |
| posted by Alisa on 12/15/2008 04:27 PM
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| ;) |
| posted by April on 12/15/2008 04:34 PM
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| Monica I totally agree with you, i only said that if you have to use food stamps then by all means, use them. I would hope no woman would ever let her children go hungry for pride. If you need the help, then step up and take it. I only dont like the people who sit at home and collect welfare and/or unemployment just because they dont feel like working. I would like to go out and get a job to help with bills. But unfortuantly the cost of daycare would be more than my paycheck. it would be pointless to be away from my child, and leave her in the care of strangers, just so that i could get a job. especially one that wouldn't cover the cost of daycare in the first place! My fiance works 3rd shift, so technically i could get a job working 1st or second shift. And he could stay home and watch our daughter while i worked, but then when would he sleep?!?! he would be working himself to death with no sleep, and what good would that be for us, or our daughter. so if you need food stamps, there is no shame in taking them. that is the idea, after all. |
| posted by Becky on 12/15/2008 07:25 PM
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| Ladies ladies! i did not mean it personally towards any of u.i tried to tell u not to take it personally.i was commenting on a lady that spoke to me at the store.however.i do have my opinion about our welfare system.and people getting free benefits so they can stay home.i would never let my kids starve over pride.like i said i worked 2 jobs back then.i provided it all.and now i still work.im days my hubby nights.ya we go without sleep sometimes but thats life.parents sacrifice for there kids.if u think being a sahm is hard try doing it with a fulltime job! |
| posted by amanda on 12/15/2008 07:45 PM
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| ;) |
| posted by April on 12/15/2008 07:47 PM
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| ;) |
| posted by April on 12/15/2008 08:21 PM
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| I have to agree with April on this one. I used to drive by Public Housing (Projects) every day on my way to work and never understood how all the cars in the parking lots were newer than mine. Many even had rims on them, while I settled for Hub Caps. And why is it that every other house had a Direct TV satellite antenna on the out side. Isn’t cable/satellite TV still considered a luxury? |
| posted by Cindy on 12/16/2008 06:08 PM
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but you guys are missing the point, no one is saying that people should use welfare to pay for things like that. or to buy lobster. Everyone on here who has said they use it, also says that they dont like to use it, and only use it because they have to, and only uses it for the things they really need. Why is that so bad, when that is what food stamps and welfare checks were made for?
is there a problem with people using welfare just to be lazy? yes! everyone has said that the people that do that give a bad name to the people that actually need it. so why should the people that are actually using the welfare correctly, as a hand up and not a hand out, be made to feel badly for doing so? I am sorry that you feel you are getting the shaft in this deal, but there are so many other people who have it worse, shouldnt you just be thankful that you can live without the assistance, and still know that it will always be there for the people that need it? |
| posted by Becky on 12/16/2008 10:31 PM
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| Thank you Becky that means a lot to me. |
| posted by Alisa on 12/16/2008 10:55 PM
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| okay. .wow. I would like to say that I agree that I hate to see people who are on welfare or another type of assistance 'abuse' the system. I am a single mother of 4 children. I didnt know when I was with their father that I would end up taking care of my children alone. .so now that this is my life, I have to work to survive and pay my bills and take care of my children. The money that I make working full time at a pretty good/decent job, along w/ the child support Im receiving is not enough to pay for child care for our children and to eat and pay the necessary bills. Therefore I get assistance w/ child care cost. Since we are not together it is not easy to work opposite shifts to avoid having to use daycare b/c the children live w/ me and the work he does is not available at night, and if I were to work nights that means the kids would be at his house and be sleeping by the time I got off. .it just doesnt work out sometimes. I do work hard to take care of my children the best I can, but I do need help paying for their daycare expense as it is A LOT of money especially for 4 children. I do NOT get food stamps however, Im sure I would qualify. I try my best to do what I can with what I've got. I have been on them before but when I got a job making a little more money they cut them off. Im not sitting around collecting a check and living off of those who are working. I work as much as I can and Im trying to do better. If the daycare assistance program was not available then I WOULD NOT be able to work and I would be sitting at home collecting welfare as well as food stamps and anything else they would be able to give me. So, for those who are AGAINST getting help, which would you rather have?? someone working and doing the best they can, who still needs some help, or someone sitting home doing nothing and getting more assistance than if they were working?? |
| posted by Amy on 12/17/2008 10:13 AM
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| ;) |
| posted by April on 12/17/2008 12:35 PM
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| ;) |
| posted by April on 12/17/2008 12:54 PM
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| The daycare assistance is different for each state and my state we would qualify, but would have to pay a co-pay that we can not afford. Because we have an infant and infant care in my area is expensive. As I have said April, tried to work, but was going nowhere, but backwards. I was digging us into a hole than helping by working only to not spend anytime with my son or make money. If I worked two jobs then we wouldn't qualify at all. So don't judge people unless you know there whole circumstance. And as have said as soon as we can we will get off, but that wont be until my son is two so that I will have my degree in Early Childhood education and be able to set up a daycare or work at one. Because where I live you can't run a daycare unless you have that degree or you will be in shit trouble if you are found running an illegal daycare. |
| posted by Alisa on 12/17/2008 03:48 PM
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| ;) |
| posted by April on 12/17/2008 04:01 PM
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| ;) |
| posted by April on 12/17/2008 04:09 PM
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| jhkjhkj |
| posted by Amy on 12/17/2008 04:16 PM
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Sorry about that last post....
I just wanted to add, since its being discussed.. My copay here in VA is 10% of my income b/c Im working.. They also have daycare assistance if you are in school full time, but Im not sure if you would have a copay for that or not.. If you are married and living together, and were to get a job and apply for daycare assistance, they would calculate the copay based upon your total household gross income.. There was also a waiting list when I first applied, and I waited about 9 months to get it the first time after my second child was born..then I was put on bed rest w/ the twin pregnancy, and my case was closed b/c I wasnt working, and after I had the twins I waited a year on the list again, before I could get it again..there is a limit that you can only receive daycare assistance for 5 years, and then you have to wait 5 yrs before you apply again. . .It helps me tremendously since Im the only income for my household, and I have 4 children.. 10% of my income also ends up being about 15% of what I would normally pay w/o child care assistance, and its a HUGE difference. |
| posted by Amy on 12/17/2008 04:29 PM
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April, people are trying to justify themselves because you are continually making people feel like crap for using aid that is put there for them. Also, what country do we live in? cause last time i checked, this was the United States of America. and in America, anyone is allowed to have an opinion, regardless of how much they make, or if they use food stamps. so telling someone that they are not allowed to have an opinion because they use state aid, is ignorant and rude. i cannot believe that you actually said that.
if you do not need welfare HALLE-FREAKING-LUJAH for you. but not everyone is as lucky as you and your family are. so i suggest you count your blessings and just be glad that you live in a country that would be there to help you, if you ever needed it. because regardless of how much you put people down, that money will still come out of your paycheck. |
| posted by Becky on 12/17/2008 04:41 PM
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| ;) |
| posted by April on 12/17/2008 05:03 PM
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| well, i give up... no amount of reason will ever make you admit that you might be wrong about something. so have fun with your opinions, because arguing with you is not worth my time. oh and just because thats not how you meant it, doesnt mean that it isnt how it sounded. so maybe you should think about things before you say them, eh? |
| posted by Becky on 12/17/2008 05:17 PM
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I am hurt because you are indirectly calling SAHMs lazy. I am paying my schooling through loans, thanks for asking, not the government because I feel that is going too far with the handouts. Which is another reason I would love to get a job, but can't. My husband has 550 a month payments for his student loans that he needs to start paying back next month. We don't have the money for that so we will be filing for economic hardship deferment which we probably wont meet the requirements for since he has a job. As what Amy said and I have talked to our caseworker I would have had to wait five months for any sort of help while we went into the hole. Daycare for an infant is 380/wk without the co-payment, with co-payments and estimated what I would earn with full time work, 100/wk since no one wants to watch a non-potty trained child in our area. Plus there is only a few spots open for women to get their infant into a daycare and the waiting list is long. The woman who was watching my son did a poor job with that and was raising her rate because of the economy. By poor job I mean he would come home with dirty diapers and his butt being red and raw. He was also losing weight being there. So for my son's health I took him out and couldn't find anyone else who had a spot open.
To be able to afford daycare, pay my husbands loans,get food on the table, plus all the other bills I would have to work full time. If I worked full time we would not be eligible for help, we are barely eligible for what we do get including the health care. I am glad you have your mother to help out for daycare, but others are not so lucky as you to have people who have the time to take care of their child for the amount of money they can afford. For that I envy you, I would love to go back to work and go to classes on campus (taking online classes.) Being at home all the time sucks and you get depressed being home all the time.
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| posted by Alisa on 12/17/2008 05:25 PM
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| I didn't see Becky's response and she is right April it sounded a lot like you you where judging us and and that is why I am trying to justify myself because you are making me feel like I am worse than dirt for getting assistance. While we are just trying to make ends meat and provide for our children. |
| posted by Alisa on 12/17/2008 05:30 PM
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| Oh and one more thing we don't have internet access at our place. We have go to my MIL's place so I can do my online courses and that is where I am at right now. I have to stay over here everyday, take care of my son and do the chores at her house and mine so I can use her computer. |
| posted by Alisa on 12/17/2008 05:46 PM
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| ;) |
| posted by April on 12/17/2008 06:41 PM
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| ;) |
| posted by April on 12/17/2008 06:50 PM
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both of my what?
and yes arguing with you is not worth my time... you can use foul language all you want, but it only proves my point further. you are an ignorant woman. and until i called you ignorant, no one ever attacked you. yet you were continually sayign mean things. Even if they were not specifically to anyone. this group is to vent frustrastions. not to act like a jerk, and shove your opinions down people's throats. |
| posted by Becky on 12/17/2008 07:13 PM
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| oh and i am not necessarily a fan of defending people. I am just nice enough to not make people feel like crap for doing what they need to do for their children. but then again, you probably are one of those people who need to make someone feel about thenselves, just to make yourself feel better. you certainly seemed like you were in a pretty good mood while you were bashing me. |
| posted by Becky on 12/17/2008 07:15 PM
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Wow. I thought this was a sight for mothers to get helpful tips & advise? I think everyone is entitled to their opinion & we should respect it. That doesnt mean we have to agree with it, just respect it. Although I dont think calling people out of their name is right (April) I do have to admit I thought "wow, what a b*&%h" (Becky) when I read your comments:
"i ignorant and rude"
"HALLE-FREAKING-LUJAH for you"
"i suggest you count your blessings "
"have fun with your opinions"
"arguing with you is not worth my time"
Becky, your criticizing one person for putting others down when your comments are mean and bitchy. |
| posted by Cindy on 12/17/2008 11:24 PM
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| ;) |
| posted by April on 12/18/2008 01:20 PM
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| Well April thanks for showing exactly how mature you are. I have been reading all of this and I have to say from the start it seemed like you, April, had issues. I also think you are being ignorant. You are judging anyone getting help without knowing anything about them or their situation. Of course some people abuse the system, EVERYONE knows that. But to not know someone's situation and to say all that you have is just plain ignorant. Also what I read in your post is that you were saying that if you were getting gov. help then you should not have an opion. That is exactly what it sounded and read like. So I guess you will be calling me a fat cow now also. You really need to check yourself. How old are you anyway? |
| posted by Kim on 12/18/2008 03:05 PM
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| right on Kim - I'm with you! |
| posted by on 12/18/2008 03:24 PM
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| ;) |
| posted by April on 12/18/2008 03:37 PM
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| I see it as there is a fine line between stating your opion and judging. When you start taking it to far you are judging. The original woman who posted this issue was told pretty much the same things, she did not know the situation and should not judge. She then let it go. Again, yes it is frustrating when people do abuse the system, but most don't. The way I look at it is if the parents want to sit on their butts or not, the kid is the one suffering if they don't get help. If you need it take it. I have been on both sides of the tracks. I have worried how my rent would be paid and so on, and I also now do not have to worry about my bills. But I have said in another post somewhere, that I was raised to beleive that it is only money, you can't take it with you when you die. It is only money, It may, in some ways make life better somewhat, but it does not make you happy. Other things to be unhappy about just pop up. It all comes down to the if the glass is half full or half empty. If you have money or not your life is what you make it. Life is to short to worry about things we cannot change, so say your piece, maybe learn something, and move on and be happy about what you do have. I am saying this generally speaking, not just to you April. |
| posted by Kim on 12/18/2008 04:16 PM
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| ;) |
| posted by April on 12/18/2008 05:14 PM
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| When I go to the store,I buy much needed food and I hardly ever buy goodies, unless i make them by hand.I learned along time ago that its cheaper.My hubby works 2nd shift now and we are still getting help from the state.It sux w this economy.If we werent on i,t wed starve.They lowered my hubbys pay by 4 bux at his work and laid off 36 ppl.I can see where you are coming from though.What pisses me off is the white/black/mexican trash that hang at the food stamp office daily.They can get a job and refuse to do it so that they can live off the system.Some marry girls or get em prego so that they get state assistance and buy drugs and eventually get their kids taken away from them.I agree w you that too many ppl take advantage of the system. |
| posted by Lexi on 12/30/2008 02:47 PM
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| Why are there posts without words in them? Have these been deleted? |
| posted by Kelly on 01/03/2009 01:15 PM
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| the ones with the smiley faces? I think she deleted tham because she was really rude and mean in the posts. i dont actually know if that is the reason, you would have to ask her. but why else would she go back and delete them? |
| posted by Becky on 01/03/2009 10:38 PM
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| Can you delete your own posts? OR is there a moderator that does it. I was trying to follow both sides of the debate but its hard to do with all the missing pieces!! |
| posted by Kelly on 01/04/2009 12:08 AM
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i dont know if the moderator can or not, but if you post something you can go back and edit it, there is a link at the bottom of your posts. if you click on that, you can change whatever you wrote, which is what she did.
your pretty much out of the loop now, lol. unless she remembers exactly what she wrote and reposts it. but like i said, the posts were kind of rude, not all of them, but most were, so i am doubting she will repost them. |
| posted by Becky on 01/04/2009 12:41 AM
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| Hell Kelly. I went back and deleted ALL the posts I ever wrote (Long Story, but in a nut shell, my daughters dad crakced in to my computer & changed a lot of my passwords to things & was changing info, so I went back & deleted everything -since many stories were about him & re-set my acct info to whatever I could) any hoot, I dont think my comments were rude, except for one directed to Becky, but no ruder than her calling me ingnorant. Pretty much I did not agree w/ how the public assistance programs work. I believe there should be one in place, however feel tooooo many people abuse the system. I made a comment stating "if you cant afford kids u shouldnt have them" as I've seen many women on welfare who continue to have kids and continue to be on welfare for years. I feel assistance should be temporary & that money spent on people abusing the system would be better spent going to grants for school, to fund children hospitals, etc. I've seen the crack head moms Lexi is talking about and have been approched by many of them who wanted to sell me $80 worth of food stamps for $40 cash. What the hell? Where is the Social Worker in situations like this? People's feathers got ruffled, and being I was talking about those who abuse the system, I had the "If the shoe fits,wear it" attitude |
| posted by April on 01/05/2009 03:30 PM
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