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| it is because they are selfish, self-centered idiots. do they have children? my 'friend' jen did the same to me. as soon as my daughter was born and i could no longer come and go as i pleased, she disappeared. funny thing is her son is 11 and i was her ONLY friend when she was pregnant and had him 11 yrs a go. where are u located? |
| posted by ERIN on 12/10/2008 10:44 AM
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| I'm located in Newport News,Virginia. No she doesn't have kids. It just really hurts because I have no one now. She kinda helped run off some of my other friends telling childish lies. The funny part is she is 28 yrs old. I'm only 19 yrs old and I couldn't ever screw people over like that. I wrote her an email explaining the way I felt and she said shes sorry I feel that way. She has too much going on in her life to be involved with anyone. Which is b/s cause shes friends with some of the people I still talk to...but am not friends with. I was always there for her and she made it seem like she was the only one there for me... When she was hardly ever there when I needed her. She was sometimes but very rarely. She called me all the time to complain about her issues and I would try to help the best I could.. Support her and help her get through it. I dunno I just feel used.. |
| posted by Loni on 12/10/2008 10:53 AM
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| My friends did the same thing... I dont think its you at all. Do any of these friends have children? or pregnant? chances are they dont understand your situation. I had a really close friend of mine who didnt bother w/ me much once I became pregnant, but it was b/c I could no longer go out and party. I was real lonely and my sister was my closest friend, b/c she understood (she already has children) I wouldnt take this heart. Once you have this little bundle of joy your friends will come around. Just try to focus on you Loni- everything will fall into place ;) |
| posted by Michelle on 12/10/2008 11:25 AM
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| Loni, it sounds as if your friend decided to be distant from you because she may be jealous that you are pregnant. On the other hand, she may feel uncomfortable with friends that have children because she may not know how to act around them. Whatever her reason may be, it is not right that she just left you out of her life especially when you do need her the most. It is just plain immaturity on her part. After all, she is a lot older than you are and should be the bigger person to talk to you about what is really going on in her head. |
| posted by Monica on 12/10/2008 11:40 AM
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| When I became pregnant with our son, I noticed that the friends I had that were kind-of "fringe" friends, if you will, became even less than that...especially the ones with no children, and my TRUE friends stepped up. Looking back, I blame myself for doing some of the same things when my girlfreinds first started becomming pregnant, and I regret that now. It's hard switching from party friend to Mama, and girls who don't have babies can't understand this sometimes. Your ture frinds will remain true, and maybe some of these pals you speak of will eventually come around. Either way, enjoy this time...it's such a special time for you and your baby. |
| posted by on 12/10/2008 11:51 AM
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| I know its an important time. I have tried to relax and enjoy.. But I just need out of the house.. I'm pretty much alone all the time. The only time I have anyone is when my fiance is home. Which he is Navy so thats not very much. About the whole party thing. We never partyed before.. Just hung out went on walks..and played video games. We went out I think 2-3 times within a period of 6 years.. So I doubt its that. I just want a straight up answer from her! and shes not going to give me one. I just really can't come up with anything other then her being Jelious which was stated above a few times. So am I spose to let her just walk back in my life after all this.. Or should I find new friends and forget about her? |
| posted by Loni on 12/10/2008 12:16 PM
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| It depends on how much this friendship means to you. You dont need to talk to your friends every day or even once a month thats all that counts is when you do talk to them you just catch up. Im not sure how old you are, but as you get older life sometimes gets in the way and you lose contact w/ special people. What matters most is they're there when you need them. Try letting her know how you feel (even its a voicemail) if she still chooses to ignore the situation... you're better off w/o her. Where are you from? |
| posted by Michelle on 12/10/2008 02:10 PM
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| I have told her through email.. I have tried calling her..and leaving messages.. She never returns my calls! I'm shocked she responded to my email. Her response was im sorry you feel that way. I have too many of my own issues to deal with. I even sent a reply saying it seems as both of us could use more support. Maybe we should start talking about things going on.. Her response to that was... What I'm going through has nothing to do with you! It's none of your business.... To me it seems as though she doesn't wanna be friends. Still hasn't given me a reason and honestly doubt she ever will. This has been the hardest thing I have had to go through alone. My fiance is at work 80% of the time. He's a Nuke in the Navy. He has a 2 yr old son I have been caring for. He currently has a broken leg and can't walk. Most of my pregnancy I have been on 70% bedrest. I got taken off about a month in a half ago. My doctor just put me back on it. Because they fear of pre term labor due to stress and lifting the 2 yr old up all the time. I have no help from anyone other then his father. His mothers can't have him due to court order.. And we can't afford childcare. I'm dealing with all this alone. Haven't seen any friends or hung out since my babyshower a few months ago. No one seems to be there when I need them. But they expect me to be there in there time of need to run them around town for whatever reason. I just really feel like I have been put to the back burner and don't mean anything to anyone. I'm trying to get involved in groups and other things so I can make friends that can actually be here for me as well and me be there for them..as much as I can be! All I asked of her was to call or text or email...and maybe get together.. and she can't even do that. She never asks how I'm doing or anything. I always ask her cause I'm just as concerned with her as I am myself! |
| posted by Loni on 12/10/2008 02:23 PM
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ok hon, time to lose this girl...she's terrible.
do you have any family around you can talk to other than your fiance?
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| posted by on 12/10/2008 02:31 PM
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| I'm live in Newport News,Va. Orginally from North Carolina. I'm really sorry to come to you guys for support and understanding.. I'm just stressed to the Max and have no one here! I just feel so lost and empty without having friends and family around.. The reason the family isn't around is for other issues.. Most of them are only concerned with there issues. I just feel as though I'm carrying the weigh of the world on my shoulders. I have talked to cousilors and it doesn't help. When I brought up all my issues I had he was shocked and speechless. How can someone help you when they can't find the words to use to try? I just feel like somethings wrong with me. I sit and cry for hours for no good reason. I guess not for no reason.. I think it helps release some stress. I have always been a people person and now im so isolated and can't take it. I really need my friends and there not there... I'm on edge...I have been to the hospital once already for pre term labor..because of taking care of things that have to get done. There not going to get done otherwise.... I have been trying to take it easy but its not that easy when you have a 2 yr old with a broken leg to care for. |
| posted by Loni on 12/10/2008 02:32 PM
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| I agree w/ Lauren..... Its her loss!!! You seem like a nice girl! Just let it be!!! You did your best and apparently it wasnt good enough. You need to worry about Loni right now and this baby |
| posted by Michelle on 12/10/2008 02:34 PM
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| Thank you everyone! You guys helped me understand a little more then I did in the Beginning. Also it kinda felt good to talk about it! I really wanted to thank the creator of this group! |
| posted by Loni on 12/10/2008 02:38 PM
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| Does anyone know of any groups that maybe of some kind help? I'm have been looking into joining mommy and me groups to take my fiances 2 yr old too. So that I can meet more people and make friends as can he. |
| posted by Loni on 12/10/2008 02:41 PM
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| try looking on meetup.com, cafemom or playgroupusa. |
| posted by Amanda on 12/10/2008 02:53 PM
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I am part of a group on meetup.com and it is wonderful! Check out meetup.com and type in your zip
I think this one is in your area:
The Hampton/Newport News Playgroup
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| posted by Amanda on 12/10/2008 02:57 PM
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Loni
Being pregnant def doesnt help out your hormones...lol Im thankful for this website as well, it feels good to vent and get different types of advice. if you ever need to chat Im here!! Keep your chin up!!! |
| posted by Michelle on 12/10/2008 02:58 PM
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| ;) |
| posted by April on 12/10/2008 03:29 PM
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| I went through the same things you did when I was pregnant. So people that I thought were my friends turned their backs on me avoided me, and said horrible things about me. They thought I was ruining my life having a baby and some went as far as de-friending me on Facebook and Livejournal. I went to college with them and every time I came into the cafeteria to eat they would all get up at once and leave or if I was there first they would sit somewhere else. I found out who my real friends were fast and talked to other women at the college who went through the same things I went through. Now I have transfered to a college closer to my in-law and taking online classes. The people who are my true friends still keep in contact with me and even though I haven't meet anyone down here to talk to I am doing way better than I was living at college. |
| posted by Alisa on 12/10/2008 06:50 PM
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I just read your post and just wanted to say that a lot of my friends did the same thing. The only thing I can tell you is that you is that it is a life changing experience. You will find new friends that have more of the same interests, and you will one day notice that you are okay with that. I don't even miss my old friends.
As far as saying you are sorry for bringing your issue to the moms on here, that is EXACTLY what this place is for. Out of all of the mothers on here there is at least several that have been in the same situation as someone else. It is a place to vent and to ask questions. And everyone is so friendly.
Good luck and keep your chin up. |
| posted by Kim on 12/10/2008 11:18 PM
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Hey Loni,
I live in VA too. .currently in Norfolk, but in the process of moving to Wakefield (the country) . .
I had the same thing happen to me, and I agree that certain things happen throughout your life that make you realize who your real friends are. I got pregnant w/ my first son when I was 20, and all of the 'friends' I thought I had didnt really call or come around b/c I couldnt party like they did. I've never been one to have a lot of female friends but when I did I put my all into the friendship and would do anything for them. A lot of women/girls are phony and thats the reason I dont relate to or have many female friends. Im now 26 w/ 4 children and I dont really have a life either. I left my childrens father and I pretty much just work and take care of my kids. . its not ideal but my children are my focus and I cant sit around worrying about why someone else doesnt want to be my friend. I have four friends living in my house that love me unconditionally and will ALWAYS be there when no one else is! Send me a message if you want to talk more. I know its hard at first, especially doing everything by yourself, but Im sure you can do it. |
| posted by Amy on 12/11/2008 08:49 AM
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