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I dont know if not going there is the right or wrong thing to do but this is how i see it..... I think having been put in an awkward situation as you described makes it difficult to want to be there at the Grandma's house... Is grandma attentive and caring? does grandma want to be a part of child's life or are you just doing this because you want grandma too? Grandma deserves to see her grandchild normally but not all circumstances are normal (whatever that is?)... If you are feeling guilty about any part of this then maybe cutting down the effort to travel to see grandma would be doable as a compromise.. in other words grandma sees baby and you get a minimal time seeing Ex...
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| posted by ellen on 12/09/2008 10:47 AM
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I think it really depends on how much effort grandma puts into seeing her grandchild as well. If she is really genuine about wanting to have a relationship with her, I dont think grandma should be punished for the fathers behavior.. but on the other hand.. there should be some way that you could communicate to her that you do NOT want to see your ex when dropping off or picking up your child. If he is coming over just to cause you problems, she should be able to see that and do her best to prevent it. Do you have any feeling that maybe she is 'in on' her sons plans to start something with you? I would really need more information to say whether or not you should terminate the visits completely, or cut back on going over there.
Her father doesnt see her on a regular basis himself does he?? So, why does he need to go to his mothers house and start crap?? IDK.. men are such jerks.
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| posted by Amy on 12/09/2008 11:29 AM
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| Hey Amy!!!! More problems arise again. It never ends! Grandma loves Natalie, but I already ttried that dont have him not being here thing it doesnt work and its so uncomfortable for me! I guess honestly Im being spiteful in a tiny way and in another way Im just FED up w/ all this crap. I hate going there and having dinner w/ his mom, aunts and nephew. I feel awkward, especially knowing my ex and his new g/f are a wall away- Im sooo tired of being Ms. Nice all the time. I just want some king of normalcy to our life. |
| posted by Michelle on 12/09/2008 03:01 PM
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| Michelle, I totally understand. Although my ex and I are not together, I dont know how many of his friends and family members actually KNOW that.. its not something he would announce to anyone unless he was the one who left me (which was not the case!) So, I brought the kids to his moms and his sisters house on Thanksgiving and A LOT of his family was there. Almost all of my kids cousins. It is kind of awkward for me too, b/c I dont know if they know we're not together, but no one treated me any different..My ex and I have a better relationship than what you have w/ your ex, and Im sure it sucks.. we dont always get along and If I do something he doesnt like, it really does get very ugly..but maybe you could just cut down on your visits. Rather than every Tuesday, maybe must go every other week, or once a month. dont put yourself out, and make yourself uncomfortable. I am the same way. .alwas Ms. Nice and trying to make things the least complicated as it can be..but in this situation I would have to at least cut back on visits if he's going to be difficult. Try the best you can do explain to his mother so she wont feel offended or too upset. Reassure her that you will still bring her over at such and such a time.. |
| posted by Amy on 12/09/2008 03:22 PM
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| ;) |
| posted by April on 12/09/2008 03:34 PM
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April,
Its his mothers house. She will NEVER tell her baby he has done anything wrong-! It has gotten to the point where he has called me every name under the sun and she did nothing!!!! I just took my daughter and left. I dont want to punish her, but I feel he is the way he is b/c she lets him. Maybe by me putting my foot down she might too? I dont know. This whole situation sucks. |
| posted by Michelle on 12/10/2008 08:55 AM
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Amy-
I think Im preety much done playing Ms. Nice!!! I told Mike yesterday I am bringing her there anymore that it is just too much on me nad I really am done giving a shit what anyone thinks- They're not the ones taking care of my daughter 24/7!!!! Big deal so they see her maybe 3-4 times a year!!!! Im sure she can do w/o those presents and people!!!!
Anyway, the conversation ended where he said he is taking me back to court!!! Here we go again!!!! Welcoming 2009 w/ open arms.... He's such a tool!!! |
| posted by Michelle on 12/10/2008 09:05 AM
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More like he's a fool!! What in the world would he be taking you to court for? I know its not custody!! If he barely sees her as it is, what would he do if he had her full time??!! Lord, I swear, some people. .and if you do have visitation set up and he's not honoring it when he's supposed to have it, then the court definitely isnt going to grant him custody.
Im soooo sorry you are going through all of this.. especially during the holiday season. As long as you know you are being the best mom you can be and your daughter is happy, dont worry about them. Deal with them only as much as is necessary...Im here if you need to talk more. |
| posted by Amy on 12/10/2008 09:20 AM
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Amy-
I wish you lived here in MA!!! You always know what to say to make me feel better ; )
He thinks that the court is going to force me to bring the baby to his mother... idiot! I just wish maybe he would grow up!!!!!! bUt- THAT would require him to change his ways and we might as well see pigs flying.. lol
I know for a fact Im a great mum mum!! I was asking Natalie the other day where her mum mum was and she pointed at me and wrapped her arms around me and squeezed me sooooo tight (even made the errrrrr sound) lol I cant tell you how great of a feeling that was...... BUT I do know he misses out on moments like those and I will be the one w/ the memories!!! I love that little girl soooooo much It angers me to know her own damn father can look himself in the mirror and actually be OK w/ himself- ALL I know is at the end of the day Im a great person and even a better mommy and Natalie is my world! |
| posted by Michelle on 12/10/2008 09:37 AM
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| Yes, idiot is a good word! The court is going to look at him like he's crazy! They are going to ask him why he's fighting for his mother to be able to see her, but HE'S not seeing her on a regular basis! CRAZY. I wish I was there too, cuz I might have to tell him something!! lol. . I know what you mean about memories.. children do so much and they grow so fast. My oldest son is sooo grown up now, and its going by fast. Even the twins are 2 and talking so much more... I have had to tell their father when they do certain things, or when he sees them on weekends he is just in awe at how smart they are. . and they are so funny to watch. Natalies father really is missing out, but it doesnt seem like he really cares too much. Its a sad reality for thos guys that dont care about the fact that they created a life and have no idea how special it is! |
| posted by Amy on 12/10/2008 09:49 AM
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| ;) |
| posted by April on 12/10/2008 03:47 PM
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| yeah I have tried it and it just didnt get better. I remember the last time I was there I was sitting down eating spaghetti and my daughters father came in and starting giving her cookies- I told him she has to eat supper first!!! He said She can do whatever she wants when she's here. He is such an ignorant jerk!!! He has done this name calling thing on more than one occasion and she didnt say a word!!! He even got into his 11 yr olds cousins face and told him he wished someone would kick his ass b/c he was such a bigmouth! I couldnt believe it!!! He really has major issues and Im soooo happy I left him! Just wish things could be easier for me and my daughter. |
| posted by Michelle on 12/10/2008 03:58 PM
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Hi Michelle,
It sounds to me like you need a big brother or your dad to go with you to set this jerk straight.... maybe someone thats 6'5" and weighs 250lbs lol. If he is trying to itimidate you he is probably intimidating his mom as well. By the way does your ex pay child support? If not then take him to court. If so then maybe you should ask for more. |
| posted by Roxanne on 12/10/2008 04:39 PM
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| He def pays child support, court mandated. Honestly I feel my biggest mistake was taking him because now I gave him more say. It kinda sucks. |
| posted by Michelle on 12/11/2008 09:44 AM
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