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| Need to Vent Group |
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| My husband and I recently bought our first house and are moving this coming weekend. My husband just started a new job about two months ago, so he doesn't have any sick time accrued yet. Unfortunately, that leaves me with a 6 yr old and a 5 month old baby to do all the painting, housework, meeting contractors, etc during the day. I have been super stressed about managing all of this stuff, and I feel like my husband doesn't appreciate how hard it is for me to do this stuff with the kids! Yesterday we were meeting a woman about getting carpet installed, and my husband starts looking at the painting & trim & stuff... complaining little remarks like "why is there paint on the floor"... "the trim is pretty messy"... etc. I got very upset with him, and told him when i have the baby here, it's kinda a rush job to get whatever done... Long story short, we haven't really spoken much since our "disagreement". He went back to the house to do more trim until after midnight last night then today barely spoke to me. I am at my wits end & now my husband is angry at me... any advice?? |
| Posted by Katie on 11/19/2008 07:32 PM
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| i understand completely, i have a 26month old and a 12 month old..i also have 2 step kids that are 9 and 7..we are in the midst of selling our house before we are foreclosed on and starting up a new business....not to mention i'm going to school part time as well...my husband often will come home when the house isnt perfectly clean and comment" what the hell did you do all day?" i find what is helpful is to make a list of the things you do during the day..including changing diapers, feeding the babies, temper tantrums etc. all those things take time out of your day...have the list ready when he comes home and if he comments about what has or hasnt gotten done...show him the list....hopefully he will see that you are constantly busy and he will learn to appreciate the things you do rather than the things you dont do....and my advice to you is to make another list of things you hope to accomplish during the day and cross each on off as you go.and dont worry if everything isnt completed that day..there's always tomorrow... |
| posted by Catt on 11/19/2008 08:13 PM
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| I don't have any advice for you yet, but I am in the same boat as you...We are moving right after Jan 1st and it's so hard for me to get anything done and ready when I'm busy taking care of my 21 month old and 6 month old....we just found out last week that our lease is not being renewed so it's been a scramble trying to find a place that will let us move in this fast...My hunny doesn't understand that I need his help in getting everything ready to move once again and that there is more this time to pack and take apart with having 2 kids!! If you get any advice please pass it on..Good Luck to you and your family Katie! |
| posted by Virginia on 11/19/2008 08:18 PM
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"There are things that are going to happen that we cannot control, what we can control is our reaction to them."
your husbands words have already been spoken, you cant do anything about what's already been done.
What to do? Forget about what he said, it's complete ignorance and he hasnt a clue! Don't let it bring you down, most men dont realize that their ignorance shows when they make comments like that. He's completly welcome to feel that way about the tin details but nothing is going to be gained by putting someone down, especially about their given effort. Make a joke out of it then throw in "I'm fine with it but if you're not. you're welcome to change it" enough said.
I know it hurts to not talk to your spouse, I have those nights too but when mind games wont work with yourself read a book or magazine.
Oprah said it right, "what we're all looking for is valadiation"
I recognize that with a 5 month old it would be tough! I mean to prep, paint and keep a child away is constant. Then add feedings, diaper changes, entertaining and another child GOD WOMAN~ What are you eating for breakfast?
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| posted by Yoni on 11/19/2008 11:00 PM
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I know you are feeling a lot of stress and probably pressure from your spouse (and yourself) to get things done as quickly as possible. The way I look at it is that, some of the things you are probably rushing to do, such as the trim, could actually wait until you are moved in. I know it would be ideal to get everything done before hand. . .but sometimes you just cant. Rather than rushing, and giving him something to b**ch about, I would do it as quickly as possible but also being neat about it. If it doesnt get done AS quickly as it would have, then you could say, ' I didnt want to get it on the carpet'. lol You should also voice your concerns, and/or issues with him. He should appreciate anything you can get done while you are also taking care of two small children.
I too, will be moving in the next 2 wks, and I have 4 children under 5, and aside from my father or someone else putting the big stuff in the house, Im doing everything pretty much alone. My mother is going there with me Friday to clean the new place, and will probably help me decorate, but not much.
Sorry for rambling
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| posted by Amy on 11/20/2008 08:41 AM
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Congratulations on buying a house. I cannot wait until I get there. Owning your own home can be stressful enough without kids, but you can get through it.
If you want some extra time to do some of the work at your home, you could ask Grandma or another family to watch the kids for a few hours. Or, you can work around the kids schedule especially when the 5-month-old baby is napping. I could see this may be a little difficult because you might be really tired especially if you breastfeed. I always feel a little sleepy after I breastfeed my son especially during naptime or bedtime.
I think that it is good that your husband is doing some of the work too. Although, he should appreciate that you are doing what you can do. Personally, I think that it is very hard to get things done with two kids. I have a hard time sometimes. I just think of this way. My kids will be old enough to do some chores around the house. Anyway, I hope the best of luck to you. |
| posted by Monica on 11/20/2008 01:15 PM
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| Thanks for all of your comments ladies. It helps to hear feedback. Amy, you are right, I am making myself nuts when some things I can do once we move in. I am thankful that we are able to buy a house & need to just breathe & start communicating better with my husband. We have talked & are both going to try to appreciate what the other one does more. Thanks everyone! |
| posted by Katie on 11/20/2008 02:23 PM
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