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| Need to Vent Group |
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| My Husband gets so easily frustrated with our 3.5 mos old! Not in a dangerous way, just let me put that out there, but he seems to take it personally that Connor cries when he is watching him. I work part time and if I happen to work a weekend then Darrell is on baby duty. He says he doesn't mind doing it and has never asked me to find a sitter for those days or when I need to get out of the house but then when I come home he's in a bad mood and the baby is upset. They are both so frustrated and I can tell they've been waiting for me to walk through the door since I left. I just wish he had a little more patience with it. It seems he expected being a parent to be easy. This is our first child but, and not to sound sexist here, I like most women I know have the "baby gene" that somehow imbues us with an infinite amount of patience and the ability to multi-task so I don't find it so stressful to be with Connor all day. I know that Darrell loves our son and wants to be a good dad but he's going to have to learn some patience I guess. |
| Posted by Beth on 11/15/2008 09:32 PM
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| We had something similar in my family. For the first month or so, I was the only one who could soothe our son, I'm still the only one who puts him to sleep. He cries more with my husband when he's tired and so Jeff immediately hands him back. The older he got and more active the more Jeff has to do with him. He still won't give him a bath. It'll just take time and more they interact especially in a month or two the better it will get. Also, babies read us really well. Noah gets so much more upset when I'm frustrated so its likely that your son is feeding off your husbands frustration. I hope things get better and I know they will. Good luck! |
| posted by on 11/15/2008 09:42 PM
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| i think thats most guys, because my fiance is like that too. he gets so frustrated, then she gets more frustrated. plus he just doesnt know what to do with babies. he also has never given her a bath, and he will not change a diaper unless he absolutly has to. (which is not often). He also works third shift, so every once in a while he will watch her in the morning and let me sleep for an extra hour or so... though it never really works out because he wakes me up every 10-15 minutes to ask me something about what to feed her, or what to do when she does this, or if she is allowed to do one thing or another. I think its just something men need to grow into... i wish my fiance could do things better, or know more things about her. but he is alot better now then a year ago, so i guess he has made some progress. |
| posted by Becky on 11/15/2008 11:23 PM
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| Wow I am really lucky I guess. Sometimes it is my husband that can only calm our son down. But I think that is the case because my husband took a parenting class before our son was born. My husband and I do everything with our son and split taking care of him 50/50. I also believe he likes taking care of our son because his father died when he was three so he really doesn't remember too much about him and wants to spend as much time with him as possible. |
| posted by Alisa on 11/16/2008 12:05 AM
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| Have faith Beth, your baby is still only 3.5 months old. Being a parent takes some time to get used to. My husband felt the same way for a few months after my son Luke was born. I constantly felt worried that when I left Luke with my husband, they would have a difficult time or that my husband was unhappy doing it. I was the only one who could soothe him, and my husband was resentful of the bond I had with Luke (especially since I am breastfeeding). Luke's now almost 6 months, and they are great together. My husband gladly takes the baby out by himself, does chores with the baby, changes poopy diapers, watches him so I can have alone time, etc. Try talking with your husband about how you feel & how he feels. Maybe he just needs some hints & calming techniques, and you would be able to help him. Let us know how it goes and good luck |
| posted by Katie on 11/16/2008 02:27 AM
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| it takes two to make them and two to care for them my husband always take turns when one or the other has a bad day |
| posted by greg on 11/16/2008 08:00 AM
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my husband was the same way with our now 2 year old daughter. She would cry and he would think he was doing something wrong. He is still convinced that our daughter hates him because when i'm around, she only wants me but when i'm gone, she's fine with dad. I told him it's just a phase and she will pry grow up to be a total daddys girl.
To get over this reluctance to take care of her when she was younger, I just didn't give him a choice in the matter. I would tell him I was leaving w/o the baby (to grocery shop or something like that) and that would be that. And when I went back to work, he had to take care of her until it was time to go to the sitter because why pay for babysitting when he is perfectly capable of taking care of her himself?
I would suggest that when the baby cries while he is holding him, don't immediately take the baby from him, instead let him try to sooth him. Give him a chance to devop the bond. |
| posted by Katie on 11/16/2008 10:18 AM
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I must say that for me the opposite was true...when my daughter was first born only my hubby could calm her down and it would frustrate me to no end since I was home with her 24/7...and it is still true to this day....even her first night in the hospital the nurses had tried to have her sleep in the nursery and couldn't keep her there because all she did was scream..did that all night until he was back the next morning and then she finally fell asleep.
My son also goes to Daddy to settle down more than he does with me, and it's still frustrating to me that now they both need daddy to help calm them down, even though I'm home with them all the time.I completely understand both sides of your dilemma. |
| posted by Virginia on 11/16/2008 10:44 PM
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| Beth, my son was the same way with my fiance. When I left my son would start to cry and continued until I got home. Then I would pick him up and two seconds later he would be asleep or at least not crying anymore. When the three of us would be around each other and our sone would start to cry I started handing him to my fiance so i could do something. I did that a couple of times and now my son rather have my fiance sometimes instead of me. And there are no problems when I leave now. I just told my fiance that he needed to find his own way of calming our son down because my way is not the way that our son likes when he is with daddy. You husband will find his way just give him sometime. Dont feel bad for leaving that is his father and they need their time together. |
| posted by Becky on 11/16/2008 11:06 PM
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| My hubby has no patience either.When I get home from going 1 place a month hes in a bad mood and acts like I did him a vain injustice by leaving him w the kids.But yet bitches cause I have no job but take care of the kids.I asked him whatd he do if I died?He said hed have to move in w some 1 to take care of the kids.Yea I bet!!! |
| posted by Lexi on 11/17/2008 09:35 AM
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| You know what helped the bond between the 2 of mine. She would take a shower with daddy and feel that skin to skin and feel soothed. He would just hold her and it is calm just standing in a shower we didn't bother with an actuall "bath" she had that at night but she loved just being in the warm water with daddy holding her close. He also would dance with her so they had their time together so now she is very attached. My hubby is far from patient but it melts his heart when she just wants him so it helped. Tell him to take him for a walk that might be good. it is hard at that age because they are not as mobile but reassure him that it will get easier as he gets older and can sit up and roll. |
| posted by Kristhal on 11/17/2008 10:47 AM
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Just give it time and dont give up! Same situation here with our first born when I went back to work part time. One of my days was a Saturday and my husband was home so he'd watch our boy. It certainly wasnt easy for him at first, he'd call me about 6 times in a 8 hour day. By the time our son was 6 months old we'd fight over some alone time with him. Give it time, soon you're husband will know what the cries mean and what a certain look on your sons face means.
Tell him to hang in there! 3.5m is still an infant and infants are very needy.
I'm very thankful that my husband took the time and WANTED to care for our boy, they have the cutest relationship now. I know my husband is more confident as a father because of those days they had together. |
| posted by Yoni on 11/17/2008 09:12 PM
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