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| Parents of Teens |
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Friday night as we were coming home from dinner, our son started telling us he knew people from school that are smoking "Pot" and who already drink-Seniors-Senior Prom, College.
He asked us what age did we experiment, what was it like, and how often.
We ended the discussion as this: if you want to experiment with drugs or alcohol, we prefer that he do it at our house-allowing for supervision. We thank you for your honesty and discussing this matter with us, before trying something or hurting someone else.
My son does not drink at all. He witnessed by brother die from alcoholism, and knows that my sister is a quad due to a drunk driver. Its the other paraphenilia that is out there in which he is curious.
My question is this: "How would you address this issue with your child? Would you let them experiment on their own or in front of you"?
thanks for all input |
| Posted by esther on 06/11/2007 03:05 PM
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| You may think that this sounds stupid. But my stepson was busted at school for haveing pot in his poshion. he had .02 ounces of pot and was suspended for the last 2 1/2 weeks of school as well as for teh fist semester 18 weeks. Mt husband had to bond him out from teh school wich cost us 350.00 and that was to inshure that he would be in court . We had to pay a 750.00 fine to the school for him breaking there rulls as well as the court fees and fines frome the city and county. When my husband asked them to take him to juvinile they denied his reqest saying that they could not due that they were over crowded. He went to cort a few weeks ago along with an atturney that his Grandmother had to pay a 1,500.00 retaner to and 200.00 per hour for his fee's. he ended up haveing to go to a mask program and has to be taken to group meetings for the next 6 months 3 times a week for 4 hours a day as well as he will have to go to school at the halfway house that the court system has for teens who are drug and achool behavior. were 90% of his grade is based on his behavior and 10% on his accdemicts. He has to due 150 hours of comunity service with this group as well. And take weekly drug test. So my anser to this is No they due not need to due any of it. Even if it is inforunt of you and your husband. becouse if he lets it slip that my MOm and Dad let me smoke pot or drink infount of them you can go down for contributing to a minnior and who wants to risk that one. NOT Me. Take it first hand and jsut say No all the way around or it could cost you over 3x what it coust us. Melissa |
| posted by Melissa on 06/11/2007 05:40 PM
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I agree. I would absolutely, under no circumstances allow one of my children to experiment with alcohol or drugs in my presence, and it is banned from our home if we're not here. And if I come across one of them in midst of trying it - I'll destroy the drugs/alcohol, no matter who bought it, right in front of them and their friends. Then when things settle down we are having those "friends" over for a drug/alcohol education meeting. If they don't come, I'll tell their parents.
You can see I'm a bit worked up about this topic: I am a recovering alcoholic (4 years sober) and so is their dad (2 years sober), and I don't want them living the life of the addicted. It's not cool; it's not fun; it's not "grown-up," it is pitiful, it is self-destruction, it is hell on earth (and not recovery may be "in" but in reality it is crazy, scary, and painful.
Just because a parent did something stupid in their youth doesn't mean they are being a hypocrite if they don't let their kids do it. It means they can say with authority, "You know what? I did that! I thought it made me fit in. I thought he would love me and marry me. I thought nothing bad could come of it because I was careful. But let me tell you what happened to be because of that (drug, drink, sexual encounter)................" And you can go on to forbid it in your home and let your child know that you think he/she can better decisions about that than you did.
I've already practiced (in my head) things I can say to my children if they ever ask about drugs/alcohol or pre-marital sex. We've talked about smoking a lot because their dad smokes, and so does mine. |
| posted by Kelly on 06/11/2007 05:56 PM
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I agre with Kelly on this one as well. I know that when Dalton got busted his best frind got busted as well for haveing cigrates at school. his punishment was not as harsh. Dalton told us that his frind Viney had made him due it. But we have found out that he has been smokeing pot for a while now. He thinks it's cool skateborders due it and it is a way of there life. John told him that it maybe ther life but it will not be his. my husband got hooked on drugs when he was in the Navey and reseved a genral discharge, becouse of his discarge from the Navy he can never work on a miltary base or have a govement job buy to his Dumb mistake.
As part of Dalton's pumishment his dad gave his skatebords away and we DR. Philled his room he does not even have a door on his room . and his close are in my room in our closit dresser included. he has a bed in his room and that is it. If he wants to go any were we takehim and pickhim up . He can not be around any one at all and is under house arest on our part most of the time. exept to go to meeting and for his comunty service. |
| posted by Melissa on 06/11/2007 07:02 PM
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| Drugs and drinking under age are illegal...If you condone even "experimenting" in the safety of your home then you are saying it's okay maybe to bend the rules? I just think we have to teach our kids to have respect for themselves, the law etc...Hey, they will make there OWN mistakes...we just have to be there to catch them, and yes, they will fall...My parents gave me the same "experiment at home" option, they did this with the best intentions...although I never followed through, I did tell my friends and they thought wow, how cool, and I also felt if my parents would allow this it means they are probably not too uptight about partying...so I did ...I really wish my parents would have told me that they loved me so much they would never want me to do anything like drinking or doing drugs or anything that would be disrespectful to myself...I know they meant well... |
| posted by tara on 06/11/2007 07:37 PM
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| Melissa, I don't understand what you were trying to say. I lost you in the "bond from tech school"......He was busted for having pot in his possession, i gather, then something happened and you needed to obtain counsel.I'm sorry, I just find it difficult reading your writings. Kelly, no, you were not under the collar at all about this subject. I respect your opinion(s). My son just happened to casually bring up this conversation, and like Tara stated, I felt that as a Parents, we were making the "wise choose". Now, I see, it may have not been the "wise decision". Tara, we did tell our son that we do love him, and only want the best for him. We keep telling him "friends will always derail you. Leave those friends behind and go for the Goal. Only we will be there for you". We will see where this goes. So far, he hasn't bothered to bring the subject up. He is studying for finals. |
| posted by esther on 06/11/2007 09:26 PM
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| Kellie, you have done an excellent job in parenting your son! He confided in you!!! WOW! It's a chore sometimes to get your teen age kid to say two words to you all day! He treasures your opinion, your words and is really trying to gage you on the whole subject...You are so fortunate he trust you so much to open up to you! I feel my daughter is the same..I am not always popular with her, however I trust that when she needs me she will come...I have taught her that with every bad choice there is some penalty, sometimes it's instant, sometimes you see it later, but we live and learn from our decisions be them good or bad...Communication is so golden... |
| posted by tara on 06/11/2007 09:55 PM
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| yes my step son got busted with pot on him. He was preshured in to takeing it to school to due a drug drop for a nother kid. and he got cought . Now it has cost us over $1,000 in fines and bond. What I am trying to say is that if you allow your child to use drugs in your own home even if it is to just let him or her try it. you could be in the same boat. Just tell him No and to saty away from it. |
| posted by Melissa on 06/11/2007 11:10 PM
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| In my neighborhood, their are good kids as well as bad kids. I live in an integrated neighborhood. Not everyone is rich. About 3 years ago, there was these kids that my son would bring over to swim in our pool. We knew the family well. To make a long story short.This boy ended up doing drugs at an early age-10. I was in shock, but the word in the neighborhood, was saying the same. He told my son, if they were to continue as friends, he too, had to smoke pot, hang out late at the movies, and don't pay attention to parents. My son, dropped him like a hot potato. That boy, ended up failing 8th grade, repeated 8th again, and has to go to summer school to up to speed for 9th. So our parenting skills must of played a role in this situation. Believe you me, I have had many obstacles with my son. I am glad that he was open enough to tell us. |
| posted by esther on 06/12/2007 11:52 AM
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