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| Michelle - I'll say one thing that's made it easier for me is realizing how much I love my little girl and would do anything for her. She's 10 months old and her father hasn't been in the picture since she was 2 months old. Do you have any family support? As long as I focus on the good my daughter brings to my life, I can stay calm for the most part. I admit that some times I just want to scream and throw a tantrum like a 2 year old. Being a single mom is rough... |
| posted by Erica on 11/11/2008 04:23 PM
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| posted by April on 11/12/2008 03:01 PM
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April,
Yeah, Im sure he was w/ her before we broke up. He still trys to sleep w/ me. It makes things soooo much worse because I want to in my heart, but my head knows Im better off. I just wish things were easier, I know we need to get along for my daughters sake, but its easier on me when we argue, because my feelings are angry and hurtful instead of caring!!!! |
| posted by Michelle on 11/13/2008 11:25 AM
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Erica,
I almost think it would be easier if he was out of the pic. This whole splitting the weekends/holiday stuff really sucks!!! For the past year the only thing that has kept me from freaking out is my daughter. I feel complete w/ her! the love that little girl gives me is something I can not describe! Honestly, this is not the life I want her to live : ( |
| posted by Michelle on 11/13/2008 11:28 AM
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| posted by April on 11/13/2008 03:54 PM
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April,
Thanks foir making me smile ; ) It's nice to hear it from someone who is actually going through a similiar situation. Im sooo tired of people saying they understand when they dont!
where are you from? |
| posted by Michelle on 11/13/2008 04:59 PM
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| posted by April on 11/13/2008 06:30 PM
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| Michelle - I understand how you're feeling and I sure hope that I don't have to go through any long drawn out process that would let him gain access to my daughter for holidays, etc. I feel we are both better off without him in our lives. My daughter has a stable and loving enviornment and she doesn't need drama inserted in her life right now or anytime soon. I've been thinking I would be better off not opening a can of worms and going to court for sole custody -- I may end up not liking what the judge decides and I like our situation now. I've also thought about being slightly deceptive with him. Her daycare has mentioned that they may need to have something in writing signed by both parents stating that I have primary physical custody of our daughter and am the primary person to make medical decisions. I'm in good standing with the school and they haven't pushed the issue -- however there may be an issue when she reaches school age, becuase she has her father's last name. This would in a way bypass the court I think... any thoughts? |
| posted by Erica on 11/14/2008 10:52 AM
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April,
Trust me I have many other names for her... lol..
I dont know too much about her and dont really care. Ive seen pics (not impressive) I just cant stand the thought of someone playing the role of mommy to her. I use to tell him he could be w/ Pamela Anderson (his dreamgirl) and still be miserable, because its him! He's a miserable pri*k! (yes, I told him that too) |
| posted by Michelle on 11/14/2008 01:11 PM
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Erica,
Im not sure what state you're from, but Im from MA and by taking her father to court, the only thing i gained is child support. I hate the whole setup and I have no say anymore. He hardly goes by it and even when he does his mother has her. Its a total mess. If he doesn't want to be a part of your child's life- you're better off.
My father was never in my life (his choice) and Im 31 now and still it affects the woman I am today. I dont want my daughter missing the empty piece in her heart, because she will search for it in any man who "cares" about her. I try to be an adult and not let MY feeling about her father get in the way, but its soooooo damn hard sometimes. I love her dad, but I cant have my daughter think its OK to be treated like crap by a man!!!! Its not worth it. |
| posted by Michelle on 11/14/2008 01:19 PM
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| posted by April on 11/14/2008 03:05 PM
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April,
So true!!!! I remember the stuff he use to tell me about his ex wife- now Im his "baby's momma" who totally used him for everything!!!! lol...
He says his daughter is #1 in his life.... ya ok I told him a guy in a black robe has to force you to pay for your child and now you need someone else to tell you when you have to see your daughter. What a joke. Can we say LOSER!!!!
Do you happen to have a my space page? |
| posted by Michelle on 11/14/2008 04:24 PM
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| posted by April on 11/14/2008 05:05 PM
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| posted by April on 11/14/2008 05:13 PM
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| After reading all the posts here, I can definitely relate to you ladies. I have 4 children by the same man..Super sperm apparantly..and I just left him for good about 9 months ago. We had a rocky relationship and every time I left him, he acted so much better and told me how much he loved me and couldnt live without me, etc etc.. And of course since I didnt want to be w/ him i was "taking his kids away from him" even though when we lived together he was rarely home or even when he was, he wasnt helping me. So, now we have been living apart for 9 months and he sees his kids maybe once a week, and thats b/c I pretty much force him to. I am moving about an hr away from him and now again, "im taking his kids away".. but right now we live 20 mins down the street and you dont come see them, so whats the big deal. If he really wanted to see them he would come over. No excuses. Thats all he's given me for the past 5 yrs is excuse after excuse and I felt sorry and tried to be the best woman I could be, but Im not gonna sit around and be disrespected anymore..He's about to get another reality check b/c he doesnt think I'll ever take him to court, but if he's not gonna honor our agreement, then I gotta do whats best for my kids. |
| posted by Amy on 11/24/2008 03:27 PM
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| I'm not letting my feelings get in the way of what my daughter deserves. However, her father seems to be doing just that. I haven't spoken to him in 2 months. I don't know what to do at this point. He isn't going to be too happy when he gets the papers I recently filed to get child support for my daughter. He hasn't contributed one red cent since I was pregnant and hasn't bought her anything either. I know her father being absent will have a lasting effect on her, but I just want her to know that I did everything in my power to keep him in her life. Thankfully she will have great male role models in her life daily by way of my dad and my brother. |
| posted by Erica on 11/26/2008 11:55 AM
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| posted by April on 11/26/2008 07:38 PM
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April,
I completely understand where you're coming from. It's his loss. I just enjoyed watching my daughter stand by herself without support today. I had the biggest smile on my face and thought --- all the things he's missing! She knows whose her family and who loves her endlessly. |
| posted by Erica on 11/30/2008 08:34 PM
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ERICA-
Her father sees her when its time to show her off as his trophy!! (example, his Christmas Party on Sat) i try not to let my feelings get in the way, be thankful you dont have to deal w/ his crap!!!!! it's soooooo much easier not dealing w/ him. I wish he would be more responsible and maybe act more like a father than a little boy. New words to live by
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference. : ) |
| posted by Michelle on 12/10/2008 09:26 AM
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| I will have to remember that. I do feel like life is much easier not dealing with his bull. It's been almost 3 months now I think -- so long I can't remember -- since we heard from him. Lord knows I'll probably hear a whole lot when he gets served the papers for child support! |
| posted by Erica on 12/10/2008 04:33 PM
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