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| Parents of Teens |
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My son who lives 50/50 between divorced parents that do not agree on parenting, is becoming very rebellious against rules and authorty and structure. Mom is very supportive and comes to his rescue against the teachers, coaches, and Dad at any sign of problems. She models and supports the placing blame on others. Dad (me) is more about accountability, responsibility and is the boundary manager without mom's support.
He has not been doing his homework and therefore his grades are bad. The teachers and us have implemented daily responsibilty sheets to be signed by each teacher and brought home to report on his daily progress. They are usually lost or misplaced. When challenged on showing these for parental signature, there is always another excuse and anger.
At whits end. |
| Posted by Jeff on 11/10/2008 12:29 PM
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DON'T GIVE UP!!!
I am somewhat in the same boat - I have a 14 year old who is not rebellious but certainly testing the boundaries regarding school, attitude, all of the above. He also has daily school sheets - they are lost, forgotten, etc...I finally found something that motivates him. I finally put him on medication and that seems to help. I am sorry that your ex is not supportive - know that she is wrong and you need to stick to your ground. Be consistent. |
| posted by Charity on 11/10/2008 10:25 PM
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Jeff,
I deal with many kids daily, lots of preteens and teens, boys and girls. I see this behavior all the time, but I am here to tell you that it will and can change. Have you tried a completely different approach to the situation? It is very possible that he is frustrated with the parents' separation issue. That seems to be extremely hard on kids, all ages, and they do not know how to express their feelings, so they feel no one really cares. That is when they start acting out very negative behavior and any time you try to demand good behavior, schoolwork, etc, he will continue to rebell. He maybe feeling that his whole world has collapsed, so why should he care about anything. SO, you have to start by not critizing nor getting into confrontations, eventhough you may need to or want to, instead find things to praise him and please try to engage in his converstions, feelings. Let him know that you do understand and care about his feelings. Spend quality time with him, even if its playing a game on xbox. Show him that he is very important in your life. All that negative behavior is wrapped up in hurt and lonely feelings. As I stated before, I deal with lots of kids daily and I have seen the issues and what causes a child to act and react. However, if he is acting up in school, he must take responsibility for that, but try dealing with it in a calm, but demanding way. I hope this will be of some help to you. |
| posted by Helen on 02/03/2009 01:14 PM
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