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Thxs Vero
I understand what u are saying
Laura |
| posted by laura on 06/10/2007 12:21 PM
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I find my only child to be more sensitive than his peers. Is it my coddling. Is it that he never really had to share inside the home? He watches friens with siblings and i'n sure he envys them. Right now i'm feeling sad.
I appresiate youir input Vero. Do you relate to any of these fears?
Sally |
| posted by Sally on 06/10/2007 05:20 PM
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It also depends on the personality of a child. In a way because I was always looking for playmates I was always more aware of my environment. When I went to playground I was wondering if I would find anyone nice with whom to play, when kids will come for playdates it was a big day for me. A lot of think that my children, being twins, take for granted I had to worry about.
On the other end I can' t talk to you about the disadvantages of having siblings!
Another word: don' t trust only children that tell you they don't want to have siblings. I use to say it and it was not true even at that time.
I don' t mean to make you feel bad or sad, but it is good to be aware and address the issues with your child or compensating by making sure he builts meaningful relationship with his peers.
Vero |
| posted by Vero on 06/10/2007 07:12 PM
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| WOW! ok now i am sitting here crying because somehow you(VERO) have put my feelings and fears for my daughter into words. Somehow even though i am the baby of five i get that loneliness feeling too. my closest brother was 4 years older than another 4 years for my middle sister.so my oldest sister is 11 years older than i and by the time i was in middle school two of my older siblings were out of the house. I never realized how lonely i felt sometimes as a child until this past year. YUO see my first son i had in 2003 passed away and if he was here and i had katie too i would be done and happy but now i face the danger and anxiety of having another and having something go wrong. I cannot afford that MENTALLY and FINANCIALLY. I'm so lost and confused on what to do! |
| posted by judy on 06/12/2007 11:57 PM
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| SALLY, I am so glad you wrote that about being nervous about making good friends and feeling envy for those with close siblings. now that my brothers and sisters and I are all older now i feel no age difference and my oldest sister and i have always been close as well as my brother paul (4 years older) now that i amolder and i have katie i am the one who somehow feels that she has my soul and that she could want nothing more than to have her brother or another sibling to grow up with and play...am i imaging this or is this feeling of guilt just a diplacement of my fears and loneliness? |
| posted by judy on 06/13/2007 12:25 AM
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Sally I can relate in a way of not sure if too have another child.
My reason is I feel I am too old now. 35. I feel like sonething could go wrong witht the baby. My son nick was and is fine but I read and did ask the doc and risks for a pregnancy over 35 does go up. that scares the shit out of me .
Laura |
| posted by laura on 06/13/2007 08:21 AM
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Hi Judy,
I did not mean to sadden you and I am really sorry for your loss. I can not imagine a more tragic experience than loosing a child.
That is the reason it is unfair to generalize because there are many reasons for a child to be only child. I have a friend that like you suffered the loss of a child at birth, another who had fertility problem, and others who just feel scared and the fear paralize them.
I just wanted to let parents of only children know to be aware of the situation and compensate in anyway they can. My parents thought it was not a big deal!
On the other hand, my two above mentioned friends make a lot of effort, they make sure to spend vacation with other children, and they organize a lot more playdates than I do.
Be parents of an only child for certain aspects is a lot more work.
Thank you for listening an only child who finally complains about it.
Vero
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| posted by Vero on 06/13/2007 12:53 PM
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Quite frankly i'm tired! I'm tired of worrying. I'm tired overcompensating. I'm tired of wondering if his friends really like him. I'm tired of looking for friends on a Saturday or someone to go to cape cod with us.
Sorry to sound SO negative but, ya know...i'm just plain tired...
i couldn't have another one. It wasn't for mediacl reasons. It was for psychiatric reasons...but whatever the reason...i'm so tired |
| posted by Sally on 06/13/2007 04:00 PM
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Hang in there Sally we are all friends here and are here for you to vent too ....dont feel assamed of anything
Laura |
| posted by laura on 06/13/2007 04:09 PM
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| I totally get where everyone of us is coming from because its all in the mix. Sally ,sweety i'm feeling your pain because i am constantly fatigued. that is my middle name and so I could never judge you. and I have been dealing with bouts of depression off and on since katie was born. VERO, I know you meant no harm in what you say and the reason i was crying is you hit home with what you said about not having anyone to share your toys and ready to play its always so damn much effort to get someone together to play. and I know she always wants someone around because I always do too and she is my soul through and through. |
| posted by judy on 06/14/2007 10:00 PM
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| Well, I wasn't really trying to reply, I just wanted to post my own story. I have a five-year-old son, and I wanted more children, but my husband died of colon cancer when my son was only one. I didn't get the chance to have any more children, and I feel guilty for that every day, even though I know it's not my fault. I come from a big family, I have five siblings, and I loved it, and I wanted my son to have at least one sibling, and now I'm not sure it's going to happen. He misses his father, although he hardly remembers him, I'm sure he notices other children with both their parents. I explain to him all the time that there are all different types of families, but it still doesn't help the guilt that I feel. How do you cope when your life turns upside down and you can't have the family you dreamed of? Are any of you from Pennsylvania? |
| posted by Rebecca on 06/27/2007 10:30 PM
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Rebecca
I am so sad for your loss of your husband and father of your son. I cant imagine .........I just am at a loss for words. Im so glad u joined in this group we all may have our reasons for haveing just one child .Im glad u shared your story
Laura |
| posted by laura on 06/27/2007 11:13 PM
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| Thank you, Laura. Even though Jeff doesn't have any siblings, he is starting to make friends, and I'm sure he'll make more once school starts! I just wish more children lived in our area, the one little girl he's met is a real bully, and I would rather him not play with her. But since she is usually the only other child around, he puts up with her bullying, and I can't stand it! I'm really trying to find him another playmate, does any one know how I could start a playgroup? |
| posted by Rebecca on 06/28/2007 12:42 PM
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Rececca go to the group section of this site and just start a group and call it playgroup from (where ever u live the town and state) good luck I hope u find more kids but like u said once he starts school he will be in his glory of friends ...that will be great for him
Laura |
| posted by laura on 06/28/2007 04:21 PM
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| Thanks again, Laura! I took your advice and I started my own playgroup, and in only a few hours, two people have already joined! This is great, I'm glad I came across this site, and a nice person such as yourself. Thank you. |
| posted by Rebecca on 06/28/2007 06:34 PM
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you are welcome i also found a playgroup through this site also ...so cotos to us !
Have a great nite
Laura |
| posted by laura on 06/28/2007 06:48 PM
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| You have a great night also! |
| posted by Rebecca on 06/28/2007 07:01 PM
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WELL HELLO LADIES,
LAURA, althuogh I was lost for words for Rabecca.You said it all. Thank you. Rebecca, oh my sweet I am going to do my best to be here for you. I am so sorry for your loss and your son's loss.My prayers are with you both. I am from pennsylvania(right outside of philly(delaware county). check out momsclubinternational.com. I'm joining a local one and there should be one in your neck of the woods that have playdates scheduled at least 3 times a week if not everyday.
GOOD LUCK your township or library should have info on clubs for moms |
| posted by judy on 06/28/2007 09:06 PM
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