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| My stepson went through a hitting stage but not as bad. I did a sticker chart. Whenever he wasn't hitting he would get a sticker on his chart. Everyday he'd start over. When he has a sticker on a day be very happy and tell him he gets a surprise treat after dinner if he doesn't hit for a day. OR you could do plastic dinos (that come in a plastic bag for a dollar at walmart). If you don't like doing candy you could have a prize box. Sit down with him and explain to him that this is what we are going to do. Talk with your daycare and see if they could do a sticker chart also. Good luck. |
| posted by Kris on 11/07/2008 07:52 AM
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| ;) |
| posted by April on 11/07/2008 04:07 PM
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| Lisa I have to disagree with April's advice of hitting. That will only teach him that it is ok and contredict you trying to teach him not to hit. My best friend's son is 3 and hits everyday at school. it got to the point where he pushed a kid and he fell and cracked hi head open. Right now she is doing the sticker chart thing like Kris suggested. But he has to not only not hit but not talk back and has to listen the whole day, a couple of other problems she i having with him. If he gets 5 stickers in a row then hegets a special treat of whatever, within reason, that he wants. It seems to be working for the most part. He does have his days where he does do one of those things so then he doesn't get a sticker, loses something or goes to bed early and it starts all over. she places the chart on the fridge so he can see it and he can put a sticker up when he earns one. I know that at schools/daycares they do a color thing. Green day=being good all day, yellow= one thing bad and red=bad day. That might something to try as well. It is hard though becuase he is only two and at that stage where he is still trying to understand completely on what he can and can not do. It will take some time but as loong as you and the teacher are willing to work with and together it can be accomplished. There also has to be a reason why he is hitting so much so try to find out why he does and what makes him angree, it all, to provoke him to hitting. Parting classes i do believe can be helpful as well. |
| posted by Becky on 11/07/2008 11:14 PM
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| ;) |
| posted by April on 11/07/2008 11:26 PM
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| April, I do not mean to step on your toes sort of say. I just know from expeirence growing up as a kid and being hit instead of being talked to or my parents trying different techniques to teach me right from wrong. I had to learn a lot on my own or from my friends parents. And for that I resented my parents for a long time. As a parent now, I realize that was what they knew to do to discapline me. My fiance was also hit as a child by his dad and nows hardly ever talks to him. So I dont believe in hitting a child especially if when they are that young. I know that my daughter did not understand certain things at that age no matter how many times I talked to her. I also know that children do things like this to get attention of any kind even if they already get a lot of attention. My friend did take her son out of school/daycare because her and the teachers could not get him to stop. And he started it out of jealousy of his new brother and other kids because he is one of those kids that wants constant attention and use to be the only child around 99.9% of the time. I understand where you are coming from on the whole thing about another child hurting my child. The first daycare center I had my daughter in I ended up taking her out after a week because she was bitten two days in a row. The only difference was that the director would not tell me any info about it but could tell my ex-husbands attorney everything just because he went to that church the daycare was at and was friends with the director. They also were not working with that child to help her to learn to stop other then giving hand outs to the childs parents. So it did not seem that they were watching the kids that well since it wa able to happen two days in a row. Both my friend and the teachers at the school were working with him to find a way to get him to understand that what he was doing was wrong. Everyone thought that he was getting better until the last incident. So I am sorry if it seemed like I was putting you down or something. that was not it at all. I just wanted to share my thoughts about it and offer some advice that I have seen work. All kids are different so some things that work for one might not work for another. With my daughter when she started acting out by going to the bathroom in her pants on purpose at school and at home, hitting a kid once in the face at school, throwing unnecessary fits or not listening at all I was able to t alk to her and take her tv time away for a night as punishment, then rewarding her for a full good week made her learn not to do those things. And she is only 3. So I believe that not everything will work for every child but there are other things that can be tried before resulting in hitting. But every parent has their own way of raising their children and if that works for them then wonderful and no one has a right to tell them how to raise their children. |
| posted by Becky on 11/08/2008 12:53 AM
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| Lisa, ps you are not a bad parent just because your 2 yr old is hitting. A lot of kids go through that and it will take some time for you both to find a way for him to stop. |
| posted by Becky on 11/08/2008 12:56 AM
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hey lisa,
I am going throuhg the same thong with my 2 yo son and boy do I feel like a bad parent! I also have apologized to parents and kids in parks more times then I like to admit.. I have done the time out thing and also hit my son... not repeatedly and not abusively.. the sticker chart sounds like a good idea.. I wonder if it will work for my son....? My son doesnt hit violently.. he is a hugger first and then when the hug is done he gives the kids a shove and normally they fall down and hurt themselves on toys... He has also waited for children to climb up the ladder in the park and when they get to the top rung he shoves them... sometimes i wonder if he wants them to fall.. it is the way he does it that makes me wonder these things.. however i ahve put him in a time out at the park a few times.. I pray this stage will pass... of course not doing anything about it wont help the situation.... |
| posted by ellen on 11/08/2008 01:25 AM
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| Lisa, you aren't a bad parent. Kids especially at a young age don't know how to deal with pent up energy and emotions. Hitting is the manifestation of that. He probably can't even understand why he's hitting. Look to see patterns of when he hits. Maybe its because he's got a lot of energy or because he doesn't understand any other way to get out his anger or being upset. I don't think hitting is from the way you parent....try to find alternate play activities if he's getting bored or ways for him to express his anger. Please NEVER hit your child...all that teaches is that its ok to hit. |
| posted by on 11/08/2008 05:32 PM
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| the sticker chart is a great idea....my 8 year old brother goes to school and collects a certain amount of stamps....if he gets any of these stamps crossed out (or is bad on the bus), he will not go home to receive a fruit roll-up on his way off the bus. |
| posted by Paloma on 11/08/2008 06:05 PM
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| The sticker chart is a good idea. If the problem is so severe, maybe he gets a sticker or stamp for each hour he doesn't hit anyone. In addition to the chart, teaching him appropriate ways to vent his frustration may be a good idea. If he hits when he is angry, teach him to say "I'm angry" instead of hitting or something like that. Then give him another "special" sticker/stamp when he says I'm angry instead of hitting. |
| posted by Katie on 11/09/2008 10:20 AM
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| I honestly think its a phase that every child goes thru.Lexi is finally in her;I dont like something;I get angry stage.I just let her know her behavior is unacceptable.Shes 2 1/2.Shes very smart for her age. |
| posted by Lexi on 11/09/2008 11:40 AM
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| thanks everyone for your advice. I think my son has a little bit of a problem understanding what I am saying or being able tocommunicate to me what he wants. He also has a LOT of energy, since he spends half his day with his grandmothers, who keep him inside the whole time. So, I think that he probably has a few reasons to why he hits. I definately will try a reward system, such as the sticker idea. Maybe he will understand. SO far, time out hasn't worked because he just sits there and smiles and taps the wall, sometimes even going over there on purpose when he's not in trouble! I don't think he has any developmental issues, maybe he's just a little behind in his understanding of concepts which is probably one of the reasons he is hitting. |
| posted by Lisa on 11/09/2008 05:54 PM
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| ;) |
| posted by April on 11/10/2008 03:50 PM
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| I agree withu april.im old school too.i was spanked as a child.i didnt grow up resenting my parents for it.and i think i turned out fine.but the thing is every parent is different.and we all do things different.what might work for our kids might not for others.we just need to respect each others ways of doing things.lots of 2yr olds hit.thats common.its a phase.he will out grow it.no worries good luck |
| posted by amanda on 11/10/2008 05:48 PM
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| Hitting, beating, and spanking your child are three very different things. I believe in spanking but not for everything and not just because I'm mad. I got spanked very little when I was a child, yet understood respect and right and wrong. Children need to understand why and what they did wrong--if you are just going to spank your child then whats the point. I agree that children these days are a lot less respectful...look at the media and tv that they see. Parents also want to be a friend and not a parent. We are also in a different time period than we were 10-20 years ago...look back to when our parents where kids and things were even more different. Hitting for some kids is a normal stage...they haven't figured out how to communicate how they feel. |
| posted by on 11/10/2008 07:39 PM
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| ;) |
| posted by April on 11/10/2008 08:22 PM
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