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| Stay at Home Moms |
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lol, that was a really cheesy title, i know. but I do have that problem. My daughter just turned one, and she (pretty often) does things that she knows she shouldnt. In the past i would swat her hand, or butt (i know, i know, i said i would never do it, and i dont agree with it. but its done) However, she has started hitting other people (she hit my mom in the face twice tonight!!!) which is why i do not want to spank her. but telling her no, just makes her do it again. So when she started to climb up to get to my desk today, i took her down and said no. of course she just crawled right back up. so i took her down and told her if she did it again she was going to get a spanking... turns out she knew i was bluffing. sooooo instead i decided to try a timeout. i told her what i was doing and why, and then put her in her crib for a couple minutes. she screamed the entire time. but as soon as i picked her up she was fine. Later on, she did try to climb again, but it at least stalled her for a few hours. my fiance thinks the timeouts are stupid because she doesnt understand them, but i just dont know what to do anymore. she doesnt listen, she hits, she kicks, and when she doesnt get her way she screams until she does get her way!
so basically i told that whole long winded story because i was wondering if anyone had any tips on how to handle this. should i keep up with timeouts, or just let it go and just keep saying no when she does something wrong?
if any one has ANY ideas, really anything, i would love to hear them. (and if you want to letme know that i am not the only parent who had trouble with hitting or not listening, i would be grateful to hear that i am not alone! lol)
Thanks. |
| Posted by Becky on 11/06/2008 01:11 AM
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| I have the same problem with my daughter. She is a very headstrong little girl. I have been trying the timeouts too and it doesnt seem to be helping but nothing does with her. It is her way or no way. So she thinks. HAHA Anyways, keep trying. One thing I have been trying with my daughter recently that seems to be more efficient than the word no ....I explain to her what want or dont want her to do. Say she is climbing on something....Instead of talling her no....I let her know that she should stay down on the floor because if she gets up there she might fall down and get hurt. It works sometimes. You may want to try that. Some baby's just want the attention whether it is negative or positive. So make it positive attention even if they are doing something bad... Hope this helps. |
| posted by Katie on 11/06/2008 06:49 AM
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I'm in the same boat as you as well...I've found that turning the negative into a positive works and if she continues doing something wrong I take her favourite stuffed animal for a couple of minutes and she stops no problem. I don't know if this would help you but it's worth a try. But the main thing is to keep persistant in teaching her that when Mommy or Daddy say no that you mean it.
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| posted by Virginia on 11/06/2008 08:48 AM
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well at least i know i am not the only one! lol. but i will keep trying timeouts, and instead of saying no, i take her down, or stop her from hitting and tell her that we dont do that because it is dangerous, or it isnt nice. hopefully it works, i have hauled out her playpen to use for timeouts, and that seems to be working for the moment.
Thank you for the suggestions! |
| posted by Becky on 11/06/2008 10:30 AM
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| I do 'time out' with my now 19 month old son (started when he was about 13 months). I only do it when he has done something extremely unacceptable like pinch me or my husband, hits someone, or endangers himself in some way. The regular 'acting out' stuff I just handle with a firm 'no', which usually works. For 'time out' I picked a quiet corner (with no toys or distractions) in my dining room and put a booster seat in it (for safety as well as restraint). I only put him in time out for one minute (his age) but when he turns two it will be two minutes and so on. Sometimes I use a timer and tell him when the timer goes off he is done his time out. He usually cries and screams but in the end, he rarely repeats the bad act. |
| posted by Heather on 11/06/2008 10:52 AM
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| well thats what i did with Anna, but with a playpen. I should get a timer though, thats a good idea. I have done it a few times already though, pretty much for climbing on things that are dangerous, and hitting or pinching. But i always give her a warning and say (calmly, i have been practicing that alot) Anna please dont do that again, it hurts/ is dangerous when you do that, and if you do it again you are going in timeout. but she still keeps doing it. i have taken her down from the same place like ten times, just today! and she is constantly hitting me or her father. or anyone else who is in range when she doesnt get what she wants. |
| posted by Becky on 11/06/2008 03:45 PM
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First off, children will hit others because parents are allowing them to do it. Yes, they do it because they see us do it, but you need to teach them that we can do it and they can't.
Parents are making their children equals to them when they are not. That's why you are the parent and they are the children.
Our children are not our friends, we don't raise our friends, we raise our children.
I'm pretty sure that everyone's parents have spanked them growing up at least once in there life. We as children, didn't know what time out was. The only time out that we knew growing up was when we were playing tag...lol...and all of us turned out fine. We are not murderers, theives or any type of criminals. (At least I know my husband and I aren't)
We use a combination of both time out and spanking whichever the situation dictates. Time outs are for the petty to mediocre things as in whining, screaming for no reason, grabbing stuff. Spanking three times on the butt is for hitting, pushing, pinching and kicking others. Spanking on the hands three times is for touching things that don't belong to them after being told the second time not to.
We only spank three times, that's the limit for us and we've never had to go any further.
We have spanked our two year old in public places before to show her we are not bluffing. The funny thing is that when people see us do that, especially the old folks, we get a smile and they sometimes would tell us, "That's the way to do it, the old fashion way, none of this time out crap." LOL
Our two year old use to hit and push others, but we broke her out of that real quick.
These are not rules these are just guidelines from two parents who have four kids. 14, 10, 8 and 2. So call us crazy but I think we've done pretty well in raising our 4 kids especially when it comes to "Manners".
Some people might think we are too strict, but you need to have your kids understand and know that you are the authority figure, not them.
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| posted by Glasel on 11/06/2008 07:08 PM
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I re-read what I wrote and I hope my husband and I didn't come out too strong. Basically, I typed a little and he typed a little.
I hope what we wrote helps out...=P |
| posted by Glasel on 11/06/2008 07:38 PM
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well i agree, our parents spanked us and we turned out fine. buuuut, i do not agree that you should hit them for hitting someone else. my fiance did that to her, and it just seemed stupid. (no offense, obviously your way worked for you). i mean hitting someone for hitting seems like such a 2 year old, "well he hit me first!!!" kinda thing. and there is also the do as i say, not as i do thing. i remember when i was little having my dad tell me i cant do something but he can... when your little it makes no sense. and i also know that my dad was not my friend he was my parent. he ruled by fear, and commanded respect. and i dont want my children to be afraid of me. i know you shouldnt be there friend, but there has to be a middle ground right? i guess what i want to do with my kids has alot to do with how i was raised and the only problem is that i want to go the opposite way, and i dont know how to do that.
But i do appreciate the input either way. |
| posted by Becky on 11/06/2008 10:08 PM
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Hey Becky, I know where you are coming from because that's how my father was to my sister and I growing up, but isn't that what we want, respect from our kids in the long run. Yes, my sister and I feared my father and still do at the ages of 33 and 28. We highly repect our father and love him dearly. We've always told ourselves that we didn't want to become our parents, because yet we find ourselves doing what they use to do because it tends to agree with the situation. I never ever would of thought of spanking my kids, neither did my sister, but it worked for our parents and we are now realizing that it is working for us. Mind you, we don't spank the way our parents use to spank us with the belt, the slipper, the switch and other household items. We spank with our bare hands.
My sister and I have that limit and for me the limit is three and only on the hands and the butt area. My children do fear me when I have come to the point of losing all my patience, which if you know me, I have A LOT of patience. I rarely have to spank anymore, but just to use "THE LOOK" or the change of the tone in my voice will let them know to STOP.
I would like to think that my kids and I have a great relationship to where we can act as friends, but they know that first and foremost I/We are there parents.
It does sound stupid to hit when they hit, but I figure if that if they don't like it, then they shouldn't do it.
We have taught our children. Don't do to others that you wouldn't want them to do to you physically and mentally.
Good luck. It takes a village to raise a child and I love this site for others input. |
| posted by Glasel on 11/07/2008 01:01 AM
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| Isnt there also a pecking order with children?I was always told that unless the children fighting with themselves are doing major hurt to stay out of it.They will always make up and play with each other again.I did that with my kids and they always did make up.It also taught them that they couldnt get away with things and or be bullies.I wasnt the bad guy that loved him or her better cause I took up for whom ever.As far as time outs,I believe in both disciplines.There are certain times when you have to make yourself decide which you should use for the offense.Same as with being a police officer.He or she has to choose what and how much force is needed to take care of a situation.I think that us as parents only need to put ourselves into the childs shoes to make the decision on what punishment to choose for the actions. |
| posted by Lexi on 11/07/2008 02:27 PM
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I agree with what Lexi posted too.
We've also have taught our children not to be bullies, but we've also taught them to know when to defend themselves in certain situations.
Never to make the first move and never instigate and encourage, but to settle things. If all else fails...they need to end it and walk away from it.
Children are very hard to raise and it's always a learning experience no matter what age they are and what age we become.
No one's right and no one's wrong. I guess what matters is what works out best for you and your family.
Suggestions are always welcomed and so is positive criticism.
Again it all comes down to that saying, "It takes a village to raise a child." |
| posted by Glasel on 11/07/2008 02:44 PM
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