|
|
|
|
|
|
 |
|
|
|
|
| Need to Vent Group |
| Public online group |
|
|
| |
|
|
| hi. I am a mom of two, a 3yr girl and a 3 mo boy.I am so tired of working 8 hrs a day to come home to cook dinner, take care of the kids and my fiance then to only start working again at home. All of this just so we can have a roof over or heads and food on the table. Don't get me wrong my fiance does work and helps out with the kids more then what some other dads do. My daughter is not his biologically and her father keeps telling her that she does not have to listen to my fiance. She has always called him dad since she started talking because he has always been there even when her father wasn't. And now all of a sudden she comes home and says that her father told her that my fiance is not her dad and that she is not to call him dad anymore. She is so confused right now because everything that her father is telling her. Yeah my fiance is not her bio father but how do you explain that to a 3 yr old that has always considered him as her dad without anyone telling her that he is. We tried to correct her when she first started it but she would not stop. I am so tired of fighting with him because thats what he tends to do when he does not get his way. I am tired of my ex always putting me down as a person and a mother. We have a court case open and both have laywers because of him deciding not to bring her home one weekend. How do you get someone that only cares about what he wants to open his eyes and see what he is doing to his own child. I dont get it. I hate to have to take back to court to get him to abid by the court order but what else can I do to try to get him to the right thing for his kid. Some people have called me a "super mom" because of all that I do and put up with. But I dont think of myself like that. I am just doing what I have to for my kids. Until he realizes what he is doing, if he ever does, all I can do is sit here. This really sucks. I cant even move out of state like I want to. If I make any kind of changes then he flips out. I cannot put my daughter through that. So I take all I can so my kids can have a good life. |
| Posted by Becky on 10/31/2008 12:55 AM
|
|
|
|
| |
|
|
| when iw as dating my now husband back then my daughter who at the time was 10 hated him... he wasnt ehr father and the concept of another father was sickening to her.. I know 3 and 10 are way different in ages and comprehension but here s the point.. I told my daughter that her father will always be her father and that if mommy got married again she will have an extended family that she can love too.. he will be her stepfather and he is today but she can love him too.. whatever way she wanted to was ok with me...in your case you got a 3 y o who knows daddy is daddy and the man who is in her life is daddy too... she doesnt want to hurt her real father so when these demands from him come she feels in the middle so to speak and does not want to do anything wrong.. It is your duty as a mom to let her know there is nothing worng with loving many people in her life.. it takes a village to raise a child... if you can get that concept across to your three yo then you have performed the task of being an educated informative parent.... if she chooses not to call your fiance daddy.. let it be ok |
| posted by ellen on 10/31/2008 02:04 AM
|
|
|
|
|
| Thank you. I have tried to explain and continue to explain to her that there are two kinds of daddys. One that help give her life and now takes care of her. And the other one being the guy that mommy is with and going to be married to as a stepdad. but because she is 3 she doesn't undertand completly. When it first started to happen I asked her if she tought my fiance was like a daddy and she said yes. I asked her if she wanted to still call him daddy and she said yes. So I told her that she could call him whatever she wants call him. Now she comes home and tells me he is not her daddy and she doesn't want to call him daddy. she wants to call him by his name. I told her that she coulddo that. And it was okay for her not to call him daddy if she didn't want to. Then 5 minutes later she goes up to him and calls him daddy. That is how I know she is confused with the whole thing. Months ago when I found out that her bio father hit his girlfriend in front of her then she started getting scared of both of them. I decided to try to distingquish between the two of them by calling the daddy.....and their name. She pickd that up quick. So she knows that her two daddys are different people. So if one of them does something that she sees and does not not like then she doesnt get confused with them that way. But now this thing is even worse emotionally for her. |
| posted by Becky on 10/31/2008 02:50 AM
|
|
|
|
|
| just tell her that she has two daddies so she gets extra love wherever she is. she will eat that up and you can explain further when she will be able to understand it fully. |
| posted by Paloma on 10/31/2008 08:25 AM
|
|
|
|
|
| Sorry you are having such a hard time right now Becky. When I met my husband my son James was only 3 also. He was very confused about the whole bio dad versus "forever dad" (what we call my husband). He kind of understands now (just turning 6) but at 3 it is not possible for them to really comprehend the situation. It is really important for you to reinforce that your fiance loves her & is everything a father is supposed to be for her. It's unfortunate your ex is not supportive, it will make life very hard for both you and your daughter in the future. Unfortunately you can not control your ex, but you can keep reinforcing to your daughter how much your fiance loves her & will be her dad for the rest of her life. Good luck |
| posted by Katie on 10/31/2008 08:37 AM
|
|
|
|
|
| ;) |
| posted by April on 10/31/2008 03:43 PM
|
|
|
|
|
| :) |
| posted by April on 10/31/2008 03:46 PM
|
|
|
|
|
| ;) |
| posted by April on 10/31/2008 03:46 PM
|
|
|
|
|
| Thank you everyone for your help. I have tried to talk to my ex and let him know that we did not force or"brain wash" her(as he puts it) to call my fiance daddy. My fiance has been around since she was 5 mo old. He was there when my ex decided not to be. So my daughter started it on her own. My ex doesn't bellieve anything I say regarding her. He rather listen to his girlfriend then the one that knows her best, me. He told me that I am disrespecting him by having my daughter call my fiance dad and he doesn't tell her to call his girlfriend mom out of respect for me. But if he really had any respect for me then he would not treat me the way does. It is at the point where my attorney has to get involved with the way he treats me by writting letters to his attorney with threats of going back to court and makeing him go to parenting classes. I now just have wait and see where it goes from there |
| posted by Becky on 10/31/2008 08:11 PM
|
|
|
|
|
| do you really think talkiing to the baby's daddy will bring a compromise? some people arent responsive to talk.. in her notes she mentions he is abusive to his girlfriend... in her note she mentions the child was basically badgered (and I hope badgered isnt a very strong word to use here) to not call her soon to be step dad, daddy... to me it looks like a man who may or may not be controling and to some degree still want to have a say in his childs life... I think if he wants to be in the childs life that is great, but being threatened by the actual concept of a child loving another man as her daddy can be quite frightening when her real daddy isnt much of a daddy.. I am not saying he isnt much of a daddy.. just speculating as to why he would be so adament on his child not calling another man daddy.... I say stickc with your plan at home.. if the child wants to call her step dad DAd then let it be, if she doesnt well that is ok too.. the bottom line here is when the child grows up and has expereinced both men in her life, she will know which one really is daddy... |
| posted by ellen on 10/31/2008 11:42 PM
|
|
|
|
|
| ;) |
| posted by April on 11/03/2008 12:30 PM
|
|
|
|
|
| The only attorney that I can recommend is mine. He is in orange off the the 55 just north of the 22 fwy. He doesn't put up with anything. He isn't listed. He is only known by word of mouth. If you want his name and number message me and I will give it to you. |
| posted by Becky on 11/03/2008 06:29 PM
|
|
|
|
|
| The only attorney that I can recommend is mine. He is in orange off the the 55 just north of the 22 fwy. He doesn't put up with anything. He isn't listed. He is only known by word of mouth. If you want his name and number message me and I will give it to you. |
| posted by Becky on 11/03/2008 06:29 PM
|
|
|
|
| |
| |
|
|
|
| |  |
| |
|
|
|
