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Yes - It would be good if you call her to apologize. Usually a grandmother's job is to spoil the grandchildren.
If you are a huge recycler then use this as an oportunity to recycle the clothes that r not fit for your daughter. I don't think that Gifts from grandmothers will ruin your daughter's future or spoil her. Be grateful and don't make her feel misserable just because she's giving and loving your daughter. |
| posted by sonia on 10/29/2008 12:56 PM
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| I don't see anything wrong with grand parents "spoiling" their grand children and I think as long as you and Nina's dad don't spoil her then she will get the message that it's not a good thing and to just appreciate all the stuff she gets from her grandma. She is getting a big kick out of shopping for Nina. Maybe she feels like she can afford it more than you guys and gets a good feeling from "helping". Who knows. That's my thought. |
| posted by KRISTA on 10/29/2008 01:03 PM
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| There is nothing wrong with giving gifts, but it is up to you if you want your child to receive them frequently! Also as far as buying LOTS of clothes, I don't like that because many times you DON'T like the clothes people give and you have to put your child in things you don't like. That is not to say you should be ungrateful, but for instance my MIL just took it upon herself to buy my son a winter coat I HATE and is WILL NOT FIT HIM THROUGH THE WINTER now I will use it and I appreciate the thought, but I feel like with something like that she should have told me she wanted to buy it for XMAS or something and maybe I could have given her his size and an idea of what I like since our tastes are so different. |
| posted by elyse on 10/29/2008 01:21 PM
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| Nina is your child and it is your call as to when you want her to receive gifts and how much at that time. I understand that it is difficult for a grandma out of town, but she could call, or send pictures, or even MAKE gifts (clothes or toys). Making things takes longer than buying so they will come less frequently. You were not a jerk, just asserting you parental rights! She just needs to learn moderation... Besides, depending on your daughters' age, she doesn't know what came from who anyway! :-) |
| posted by Gabrielle on 10/29/2008 01:30 PM
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| My mother-in-law is the same way. Although she lives only about a half hour away. So she gets to see my son at least once a week. But I suggested to her that with the other grandparents and other people he has to many clothes and for her to not buy them until he needs them and I would let her know when. This seemed to work okay. Then she wanted to know what she could get him. I suggested savings bonds. I know you don't really get the same feeling of giving when you give one, but they are one of the best gifts that you could get a child. She still works, so she has a small amount of her paycheck every week go to a savings bond for him, and every Christmas and birthday she gives one. I personally love them. It is just perfect. Also another idea to give her would be a policy with Gerber Life. They are so cheap and good to have just in case. It also can be borrowed from when the child reaches a certain age. So going to college or whatever could come in handy if you wanted to take the money then, or you could leave it and keep the policy. Anyway, she loved the idea and that is what she does, now I only get clothes and toys occasionally, and she is helping secure his future. |
| posted by Kim on 10/29/2008 01:35 PM
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Thanks Everyone, we set up a savings account for Nina and I suggested for her to write a journal and she came up with the idea of building her a doll house that Nina could play with when we go to Iowa, which I think is brilliant because it takes up a lot of time.
I felt stifled by her because there was no sense in buying clothes for Nina that I like when she has a zillion from her grandma that I don't particularly like.
I appreciate everything I get because I know others' aren't as lucky but I didn't mention something that urks me about this situation. In April (the same month Nina was born) she filed for bankruptcy and she was going to get a loan and put her home up as collateral so we lent her $2,000 to get a lawyer because we were worried about her. She's paid back $800 of it but still I feel she shouldn't be spending money especially on us because we almost feel responsible for getting her into this situation in the first place by accepting gifts from her when we didn't know she was in such a pickle, even though I know it was her doing. |
| posted by Erin on 10/29/2008 02:32 PM
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| I knew there had to be something more behind it. U probably feel that instead of spending $ shopping she should pay u back, but then again u'd feel guilty feeling this way bcuz she's buying ur daughter things. Personally, I wouldn't "lend" my parnets $2000 if they needed it, I would just let them have it. After all, your husband only has one mother and $2000 is nothing compared to all she's done for him (im sure) but that's just my opinion. As far as the gifts, appreciate the fact ur daughter has a grandmother. Think of all the kids who dont have grandparents, or who's grandparents are in other countries or simply dont have a relationship w/ them. My mother lives about 45 minutes away but works F/T and just recently decided to go back to school F/T so she hardly gets to see my daughter and her Paternal Grandmother has never bothered to see her. She called me when I first had her to see how it "went" but after that, nothing. Never called again and has never given my daughter a thing. |
| posted by April on 10/29/2008 03:16 PM
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| My mom is kinda the same way, my son is her only grandchild so she definitely spoils him. Sometimes I hold something back if she has sent a lot and save it for a rainy day. I always tell him it is from Grammy and Papa and always give him a reason why she sent it, like she was proud of him for going to the potty or she saw it and thought he might like it. I still want her to get the recognition. She can't be around him that much because she lives over 1000 miles away, so this is her way of doing something with him/for him, and I want to give that to her. |
| posted by amy on 10/29/2008 04:22 PM
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We "lent" her the money instead of giving it to her because we don't have 'extra' money lying around. We just had a baby and that costs money and it seemed as though she was telling us about her money situation because she wanted us to lend it to her. And we never set a time limit on paying us back, we just want her to be in control of her spending on her own affairs not on buying outfits Nina will never wear.Yeah, she's given my husband a lot and that's called parenting and it's a cycle. We'll give Nina a lot, I won't burden my child with my financial affairs especially if I know she is about to encounter her own huge financial obligations like having a baby.
I DO appreciate all that we are given! I know others' aren't as lucky. When Nina gets older and we tell her no she will know her grandma is her ticket to getting whatever she wants. Who was it that decided that it was ever ok to 'spoil' children with material things anyway! We don't value the message behind consumerism and her values aren't reflecting ours. |
| posted by Erin on 10/29/2008 05:10 PM
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| I wasnt implying u should have given her the money. I apologize if it sounded that way. I'm just saying in my personal opinion I could never "lend" my parents money if its for something they need and/or emergency etc. Just like I know if the situations were turned they wouldnt expect me to pay them back if I was claiming bankrupcy. But I must say if I "gave" my parents $2000 thinking they were in need and then they turned around and bought my daughter all sorts of clothes it would make me feel uneasy. Dont be affraid that your daughter will be spoiled. If you dont want her to have something in particular for whatever your reason may be,her grandmother should respect that. But what's wrong w/ letting your child be spoiled? I mean I could have a $1,000,000 and I still wouldnt think it would be enough for my child. Material things are just that... Material. Let her have all she can, so long as her spirit & sould are rich too. |
| posted by April on 10/29/2008 06:00 PM
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| Thanks for the advice April, I really do appreciate it. We are trying to do it all and it's very stressful, I'm sure you know what that feels like. |
| posted by Erin on 10/29/2008 06:09 PM
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| I hear ya. I live in Los Angeles, CA and when a one bedroom apt is STILL going for $800/month in the "ghetto" (so u can just imagine what people out here pay to not live next door to a crack house) and $500 in day care/baby sitting, gas STILL high, etc etc and about to start a custody babttle w/ my daughters father (who by the way has not given me 1 cent in child support) I can SOO understand your frustration. You know what? I'd probably have a yard sell and get rid of the clothes! (extra money can never hurt) LOL |
| posted by April on 10/29/2008 07:04 PM
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Hello, TRUST ME when I say I can relate. I actually live with my in-laws and it's their first grandchild. Actually it's the first grandchild on both sides.
I do think that you went a little overboard though. You can't really tell your MIL or your mom not to buy them something or when to buy them stuff. Just bite your tounge and say "wow" thank you - and it's up to you to give it to your daughter or not. If I were you I would call up my MIL and appologize just tell her you were having a rough day and pms-ing on top of it I'm sure she will understand.
Let me know how it turns out good luck. |
| posted by Holly on 10/29/2008 10:50 PM
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| Hey Erin - I just wanted to say try not to worry so much if you were right or wrong (I have the same problem though). Sometimes you need to take a stand when many will not understand. If living simply is a big value of yours, it would be frustrating to get boxes and boxes of clothes constantly, especially when you don't like a lot of them. Also, it does make a lot of sense if your MIL doesn't have a lot of money and is in big time debt, then it is not a good use of her money to buy all these clothes. (plus keeping her from paying you back). Anyways, take care and PEACE! ~ Colleen |
| posted by colleen on 10/29/2008 11:37 PM
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| This may sound crazy, but since you are a Second Hand Diva (like me) here's an idea. Tell Grandma that you're fine with her sending clothes and things. Then, when she sends a package, keep a few things that you want her little girl to wear/play with/etc, and sell the rest at a secondhand shop, like Once Upon a Child. They buy your items outright, rather than consign, so you get cash up front. Then, use the money to put in her college fund, or whatever you want to. That way Grandma gets to see her with her presents, but she's also giving something to your daughter that you are happy about. Just a thought. |
| posted by Abigail on 10/30/2008 02:11 PM
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| no that is not wrong at all i feel the same way, when your daughter get older she will expect all of those thing to still happen and might think that things should just be handed to her all the time GOOD JOB for standing up for yourself as a mother i would do the same thing |
| posted by Deonna on 11/10/2008 07:41 PM
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| I had the same problem, only the buyer was of no relation, but saying she was. So I know wheere you're coming from. She was buying my babies "first this" "first that" kind of things. I just told her and her husband that she needed to ease up, because I wanted to get those things for my baby and future children. She has respected me in that area. She still buys her little things but it is not bombarding me every month/week with gifts anymore. |
| posted by Mary on 11/11/2008 09:43 AM
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| Just think...you can make a killing on consingning! |
| posted by Claire on 11/12/2008 05:08 PM
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