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| Raising Indigo Children |
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Just wanted to give you all an update on what we've been going through with Lane, the last few days...
Things at school have progressively gotten worse and the behaviours he has been displaying at school have also gotten worse. He is doing things at school that he wouldn't even dream of doing at home. Screaming, swearing, threatening to bite the teacher in the leg (he has NEVER been a biter), threatening to stab people?!?! ... and I have no idea where this behaviour is coming from. He was sent home yesterday and before class even started this morning, the school called to say we need to pick him up because he threatened the teacher.
I've taken the rest of the week off on vacation and have offered to go into the classroom with him to observe what is going on and offer support (because this is only being displayed at school) but just recieved a call from the principal saying that Lane is not allowed back at school until him and his "team" are able to develop a game plan. I tried to explain to him that we have been trying to come up with a game plan for Lane, for the past 4 years and to think he is going to do that in a day is a little premature. I also tried to explain to him that keeping Lane home or sending him home IS NOT punishment for him and all it is really doing is diminishing his already low self esteem. We have a meeting with the school and school officials tomorrow and am trying to remain hopeful that we can all get on the same page.
He is now on homepathics, tarentula hispania to be exact. I am convinced that this will be easier on his little body than the meds. Not to mention the meds weren't working!
In my heart I believe that we are now on the right track with him as nothing we've done in the past, has worked. I think that with being an indigo, he is trying to teach us something and previously, we refused to listen... he is challenging the school system and made me, as a parent, re-evaluate everything I had been taught about parenting!
Thanks for letting me vent and wish me luck! |
| Posted by Tamara on 10/28/2008 09:54 PM
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OH HUN!!! I am so sorry, you are exactly where I was last year with the school system, I pray something works out, but seems awful weird to me that you offer to come to class and then they call and say he cannot return, I went through this EXACT thing from James' teacher, offered to get a sitter for my youngest to come sit in, and she called and told me to come get him before I was even able to show up at the agreed time.
I am glad you feel good about your current choice, dont let ANYONE tell you otherwise if this is what your heart feels is right! I hope the new homeopathics work for him I wish you luck that the school is understanding enough to work with you, please keep us posted on how it goes! |
| posted by Nicole on 10/28/2008 10:17 PM
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I don't have any advise to give but wanted to send you a hug. Good for you for going and observing. You said "team" does he have an IEP?? If so, stay on the team and make sure they follow through and if you believe some of the suggestions are not good you have the right to speak up and not sign until you are happy with the goals and plan. Good luck and stay strong.
Peace, Megan |
| posted by Megan on 10/28/2008 10:29 PM
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Thanks ladies... I really appreciate the support!
I've been a part of his support team since he was in Grade 1 and have lost count of the times we have met regarding his plan for the semester/ year. I am frustrated today and feeling like as soon as there is someone new to the mix (i.e. teacher, principial), we start the whole process again from scratch! |
| posted by Tamara on 10/28/2008 11:03 PM
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I, as well, don't have good advice for you - just a prayer. Stay strong and consistent. You are a good mom for being involved and not letting him fall through the cracks of the system.
Just another thought though- have you heard of blue green algae as a supplement? I have just heard about it and not very knowledgable (sp?) about it. |
| posted by Charity on 10/28/2008 11:11 PM
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| I'm really sorry to hear that. My son had the same issues during the first couple of weeks of school but now has gotten much better. It seemed as though this trick that I used seemed to work. Maybe you should try it with your son. What I did was I talked to my son like he is an adult being that he is an old soul I figured he will know what I mean. I told him that it hurts mommy in the heart when he behaves this way in school because mommy knows that he is better than that. That he is smart, intelligent, a sweet and carring boy. Mommy doesn't want anyone to have a different opinion of him when he acts differently. Two days after that he hasn't gotten in trouble at school. Maybe you should give your son a similar speech and see if that changes him in anyway. Remember when they are old souls you need to treat them like an adult at times. |
| posted by Pailin on 10/29/2008 09:31 AM
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That is really helpful advice Pailin and I will definitely try it with him!
I am just wondering if his behaviour is possibly due to his adderall withdrawl? |
| posted by Tamara on 10/29/2008 01:33 PM
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| How was he when he was on adderall? |
| posted by Pailin on 10/29/2008 01:59 PM
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i went through the exact same thing,and the schools have a safe school policy and really protect the staff,thery do not have the resources to deal with children like ours,mine spent 3 years in a room alone with a resource teacher because they did not want him in class,nor let me be there to check out the situation.
he is attending a program/school for children with behavioural problem now,it is very structured and more geared toward behavioural issues than academics,but it is really working for him,he is doing great progress,he was also switched to stratterra because the stimulants did not work for him,they actually increased his anxiety and he became quite violent with them,addorall is a stimulant,i would get him off right away if i were you.
strattera helps my son with his anxiety and the adhd,without turning him into a zombie ,he is much more himself.
good luck,and check with your local children's hospital to see if there is a program offered where you are. |
| posted by shushy on 10/30/2008 02:14 PM
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We had an appointment with Lane's specialist this morning and what she had to say was very "refreshing". She reaffirmed what I have been feeling as far as his behaviours not manifesting at home or extra curricular activities but just AT SCHOOL! She said, "ADHA/ Asperger's does not differenciate itself between home and school so odviously it is the environment that he is in". She also said that prescribing a higher dosage of meds or changing them is NOT going to stop the behaviours he has been showing. The next school meeting we attend, she said that she wants to be there to reinforce that.
I took the later part of last week off of work to go into the school system and offer support. Even through Lane didn't know I was there, I hung out in the community room and every time they had an issue with him, I mysteriously showed up and got him back on track. My partner and I had a chance to observe his classroom over lunch time on Friday and honest to gawd, I don't know how they get anything done in there. There is 1 teacher and 1 EA in a structured classroom of 12 children. One child gets up to go get something and 3 others follow suite or 1 child starts throwing spit balls and 4 others react. It was a zoo and soooo busy with activity, I can see why he can't do his work in class. Needless to say, last week was rough, and today at 10am, I got a call from the school because he was swearing, throwing chairs, threatening to punch people's lights out. *shaking my head* We've opted to pull him out of school and home school him for the week, to see how it goes. When I really think about whats going on around him, there is no way I would be able to function for 6 hours of my day where people are trying to restrain me, talk to me like I don't really matter and throw disgust and negativity my way, without having a meltdown of my own.... so why do I continue to send my son to that type of place?!? |
| posted by Tamara on 11/03/2008 06:00 PM
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WOW!!! I am first, THRILLED at what the doc says, makes my heart just swell!! I am glad that she wants to sit in and reinforce this!
NOW, as for the class, I am just amazed at how the class is taken care of! I know whatever you choose will be the best choice for your son.
((hugs)) hang in there hun! |
| posted by Nicole on 11/03/2008 07:14 PM
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| You wouldn't believe the class Nicole... I do not see them teaching these children successfully but they are doing the best with the resources available to them. I keep bringing up the fact that they need more EA support and keep hearing the same excuses "we only get funding for 1" "cut backs" "blah blah blah". To me that doesn't mean we just live to deal with what we're told... we make waves, contact whomever needs to be contacted and get the proper supports in there. Our children our suffering and wouldn't we rather nip the problem in the bud, while they're young rather than down the road when they require even MORE supports?!?! Sooo... today I'm going to write a letter regarding the situation we've been facing and send it to those who need to hear it! |
| posted by Tamara on 11/04/2008 11:02 AM
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| please copy your letter here so that we can all do something similar for our school systems |
| posted by shushy on 11/04/2008 11:19 AM
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| Will do! |
| posted by Tamara on 11/04/2008 11:48 AM
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| posted by Tamara on 11/04/2008 11:48 AM
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| I pray your letter falls on the right ears!!! You are right that something needs to be done!! GOOD LUCK! |
| posted by Nicole on 11/04/2008 03:28 PM
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| So far things have been good at home and off of his meds. He is eating like it's going out of style and this is perhaps his little body going through a growth spirt (meds possibly inhibit appetite and therefore growth?!?!). I'm also finding that the MORE we discipline him (i.e. send him to his room, take his toys away, ground him off of his bike) or become impatient with him, the more likely he is to rebel and have a meltdown. |
| posted by Tamara on 11/05/2008 09:58 AM
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ROFL I dont mean to laugh but that is how my James is too, if we allow him to do things his way he is fine, if we try to get him to do things OUR way he comes unglued. So within reason we allow him to explore and do things the way he sees fit unless it goes against OUR core rules or will hurt himself and things go pretty good. He is my rebel who bucks the system.
But he manages to get his work done and I have found that if I put a time limit on him, he does better, he likes a challenge and to tell him ok you have 10 minutes left to get your spellings words done, BAM he's done... he also does better when he is multitasking, if I give him only one thing to do he cant focus, give him something for his hands to do while he has to read etc and he rocks it! These kids are amazing! |
| posted by Nicole on 11/05/2008 10:31 AM
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hahahaha Yes... Lane is exactly like me... someone says "you can't do that" or "this is the way it's always been"... look out. I call myself a natural born trouble maker and that is because I know there is ALWAYS a way!
Something to do with his hands... that's a really good idea! And as for the time limit... I went out and bought him a kitchen timer yesterday and said, "15 minutes of work and 15 minutes of computer time until your work is done".... yesterday it went relatively well until I got sidetracked and had a hormonal "pregnancy" meltdown! lol |
| posted by Tamara on 11/05/2008 11:23 AM
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| And really.. why does it matter how they complete their work or in what order? Why is the public school system so adament in the "way in which things are supposed to be done"? There is a move to Calgary in our near future and we have been exploring alternative schools up there for Lane. Seriously considering a Waldorf school for him! |
| posted by Tamara on 11/05/2008 11:30 AM
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yup, thats the MAIN reason I homeschool, the schools and docs push push push for more structure, they dont have enough structure at home or school or blahblahblah, but you know what, the less structure there is the better James is. So that was my reasoning for home schooling, he does better because I let him choose the order he does his work in, he still has to accomplish it all, but say he gets up and he doesnt want to start on math, cool, we work on something else, and they tell me what they want to learn and I make sure it's part of the work they do for the day as long as we work on the set curriculum. It works really well for both kiddos.
schools should really look into something a lil LESS structured for kids who have a hard time following the curve. |
| posted by Nicole on 11/05/2008 08:11 PM
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| You are not alone. My child was thought to be ADHD with extreme tantrums and emotional outbursts. The drugs failed though, and then I realized that he was indigo. He went to a shaman and had an energy healing with a past life regression and nearly ALL his anxiety, fear and anger stopped. He was completely changed. He still walks to the "beat of his own drum" but he finally feels understood. He never has tantrums anymore and when he is feeling overwelmed or aggitated he has new copy tools that help him. All the amazing things about him have come to the forefront now that his negative behaviors have diminished. He is happy and hopeful for his future. I guess I would recommend you find him an energy healer or shaman to help. I was freaked out by the idea myself at first, but I was at the end of my rope and medical doctors had no answers for me. The shaman I saw practiced as a family physician for 20 years before beginning her shamanic training. I felt good that she would know if my son had a pyscological disorder. He didn't. She recognized what he was at once and quickly helped him to understand it. It was life changing. |
| posted by Dandi on 11/26/2008 07:44 PM
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Thanks Dandi... we did take him for a healing session with a crystal healer and the transformation in him was amazing but unfortunately it only lasted for about a day or two.
I'm curious to hear more about the "copy tools"... what are they? |
| posted by Tamara on 11/27/2008 10:39 AM
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| i can tell you,my son is,was that same child,it is trial and error with the medication,and meds alone will not rectify the complete situation,while it is true that i feel that the stimulants such as ritalin are evil,i have my son on strattera,a very small dose,he is also attending a school for children with behavioral problems,it is very structured,but there are also alot of positive reinforcements and learning about making choices and concequences for the choices made whether it be positive or negative.there he is also surrounded by art therapists and occupational threrapists. the change in my son since september is absolutly amazing,they will soon slowly reintegrate him back into public school,but this time with a toolbox of all that he has learnt to cope in public school,it is a huge commitment of time,but well worth it |
| posted by shushy on 11/28/2008 12:44 PM
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hehe....."copy" tools was supposed to be "coping " tools. Well.. the healer taught him to move negative energy into an object to get rid of the energy. He didnt like that though beause he said he then could no longer touch it. So he began a breathing technique he created and says that is how he moves the negative energy through his body, hen he flings his hand out "throwing " the negative energy away from him. I cannot say I really like this coping tool but it seems to work for him. The best advice I have gotten for dealing with my son is that I need to remember that he knows what will work for him. My son says he is beginning to remember things, about energy use and stuff that he has always known....he is just now remembering he knew it. He doesnt want me to show him anything in this area ( I have done alot of research). He just wants me to believe him and trust that he will make sense of it all eventually. So, I give support and encouragment while maintaining the boundries he needs to feel safe. I have met a couple grown indigos who have helped me feel good that it will all work out.
I know that in all things he responds best when I treat him with respect. He will also behave better when I let him know who his actions and attitudes are effecting me. Like at school, when he is not paying attention and I have to once again go meet with a teacher, I tell him how his lack of attentiveness causes me stress and makes me worry. He seems to really hear that. Threats of punishment does nothing. He jusr doesnt respond well at all to authoritarian rule. Negotiation, compromise and just listening works much better. Good luck as you continue your journey
Dandi |
| posted by Dandi on 11/30/2008 02:57 PM
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