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| No, you're not being over protective or paranoid. It's natural to not want to leave your baby. It's dictated by hormones. I went out for my birthday and I almost cried when I left. We were gone under 2 hours and that was enough for me. I also have a class and people said to me "oh how nice to get away" and I thought "Nope". Nina is like the peanut butter to my jelly and her dad is the bread. |
| posted by Erin on 10/28/2008 04:36 PM
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| No, you are not being over protective or paranoid. When you have children, your priorities change in life. (or at least they should) My daughter will be 2 in November and I believe I have been to dinner twice with my husband without her. She has been on all our trips, including one to the Bahamas. Don't get me wrong, I miss taking trips to adult places like Vegas, but I figure there will be plenty of time to do these things again when she gets older. There will come a time when she doesn't want to be with her parents, so these days are not forever. They are only little once and to me it is a small sacrifice to make. She goes with us everywhere! |
| posted by kim on 10/28/2008 04:53 PM
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| Totally agree! My LO is 14 weeks today and we have been out 2x w/o him and even then we left him once with my Mom and then once with my hubby's sister. The 1st time we were gone max 3hrs and 2nd time we were gone 1 hour! I have been to bunco once a month and then he stays with my hubby. I still talk about him non-stop and probably bore the other non-mommies! We are going to a halloween party this weekend and had arranged for my son to stay at my in-laws, but we are going to go back and stay with them too. Can't imagine not waking up w/o him in the morning. Don't really like to drink anymore either. 1 glass of wine is nice and that is all this Mommy needs! |
| posted by Marie on 10/28/2008 05:07 PM
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| Totally agree! My LO is 14 weeks today and we have been out 2x w/o him and even then we left him once with my Mom and then once with my hubby's sister. The 1st time we were gone max 3hrs and 2nd time we were gone 1 hour! I have been to bunco once a month and then he stays with my hubby. I still talk about him non-stop and probably bore the other non-mommies! We are going to a halloween party this weekend and had arranged for my son to stay at my in-laws, but we are going to go back and stay with them too. Can't imagine not waking up w/o him in the morning. Don't really like to drink anymore either. 1 glass of wine is nice and that is all this Mommy needs! |
| posted by Marie on 10/28/2008 05:07 PM
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| Totally agree! My LO is 14 weeks today and we have been out 2x w/o him and even then we left him once with my Mom and then once with my hubby's sister. The 1st time we were gone max 3hrs and 2nd time we were gone 1 hour! I have been to bunco once a month and then he stays with my hubby. I still talk about him non-stop and probably bore the other non-mommies! We are going to a halloween party this weekend and had arranged for my son to stay at my in-laws, but we are going to go back and stay with them too. Can't imagine not waking up w/o him in the morning. Don't really like to drink anymore either. 1 glass of wine is nice and that is all this Mommy needs! |
| posted by Marie on 10/28/2008 05:07 PM
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| I babysat a lot throughout my high school and college careers. I started babysitting many of the children at 3 or 4 weeks not really thinking of it. My son is almost 5 months old and has only been left with grandparents and I did leave him at a couple of weeks old with my mother in law. I'm still nervous about leaving him with anyone else just because I know what his cries mean and what he wants. I trust my mil completely so I get time alone through her babysitting but I'm not sure yet about leaving him with anyone but grandparents yet. |
| posted by on 10/28/2008 06:03 PM
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| You are definitely not being overprotective or paranoid, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with going out for some alone time. My daughter will be 3 in January and I have been out maybe 3 or 4 times for a happy hour kind of thing, but my husband and I leave her often for "date nights" at my mother in law's house. We only leave her for a few hours and it gives us some time to be husband and wife. We have never left her with anyone other than a grandparent though. You need to take advantage of some time away! We just had our second baby girl and we won't get date nights very often anymore! |
| posted by Jamie on 10/28/2008 06:26 PM
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My friends are having a Halloween party and I'll be the only one there with my little one. Sometimes I feel like I'll be the bad one for taking her bcuz of the music and having to take her out at night, so I think I may just stay home. My aunts asked me "what r u doing for Halloween so we can watch the baby?" I told them about the party and they volunteered to watch my baby. I said I was taking her bcuz I didnt feel comfortable leaving her and I think they were insulted as if I meant I dont trust them to baby sit.
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| posted by April on 10/28/2008 06:52 PM
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April,
Why would you just not go? If no one else is bringing children I wouldn't want to bring mine with me. Do the people having the party want it to be an adult only party? If you trust your aunts and they are good with your child I would take advantage of the time out...even if only for a couple of hours. You deserve to have fun too! |
| posted by Jamie on 10/28/2008 06:59 PM
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| Oopps. Let me correct what I said previously. There will be children at this party, but they are all older (6 & up). Two of my friends who have little ones (2 months & 18 months) will not be taking their babies. I so agree that we do need a break & honestly think going out w/ out our kids can be healthy in the long run, but I guess its just difficult to leave them the first time. I still have a few days to think about it. |
| posted by April on 10/28/2008 08:03 PM
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I think it's a personal preference. Leaving a child with a sitter (no matter how old or young the child is) doesn't mean you are a bad mother or love your child any less...
One may argue that going out without the baby is actually good! Many new moms end up going stir crazy and just need a break and a change of scenery. It's healthy....plus, the look on the child's face when you get home is PRICELESS! I also believe that getting the child used to being around different people without mom or dad is beneficial...I think it lessens any chance of separation anxiety.
On a personal note, DH and I got sitters when DD was 2 months old (my brother and sister-in-law came over) and we had a nice date night (dinner and movie). Since then, we've left her with my parents, DH's parents, my brother and sister-in-law, and my cousin. DD is now 15 months old and hasn't shown any separation anxiety (no crying or tantruming when DH or I leave her with someone). The best part, is that when DH and I return from an outing DD's face and expression is to die for. Her face lights up with joy and she is so happy to see us. It's a way for us to see how much she loves us before she is able to tell us. We wouldn't get that if we never left her side.
Good luck with your decision, and remember that YOU decide what is best for you and your baby. Don't worry about what others may think of you! |
| posted by FirstTimeMommy on 10/28/2008 11:43 PM
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| I would definately take your Aunt up on the babysitting. She is going to be with family that you trust, I asume, and you only have to stay as long as you want to. My son is 1 and he was left one time over night with my mom and my mom watches him all the time for short time periods, like an hour to three hours the most. But that is for Dr. apts. and running errands. She enjoys the time with him and I get stuff done. Other then that I would never leave my son with a babysitter. NO WAY. I would not trust them. But at least go for a couple of hours. |
| posted by Kim on 10/29/2008 01:54 AM
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I think it's natural to feel the way you do and want to be with your baby. My baby is nearly 6 months old and I have only left her with her Dad for 30 minutes at the most to go to the grocery store once or twice, and the whole time I felt like my arms were supposed to be holding something. Such a weird, weightless feeling. It made me want to get home quicker.
Something for your friend to think about is good communication with her babysitter and preventing SIDS. I read the recent tragic article about Jake Haberzettl in Parenting magazine, and it mentioned that "...20% of all SIDS deaths occured while the baby was in the care of someone other than the parent."
Maybe this is why we have the urge to stay home with our babies, because we naturally want to watch over them. |
| posted by Jackie on 10/29/2008 02:31 AM
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On the issue with SIDS, I just wanted to say that I have recently heard that they are now recomending a fan. No specification on a ceiling fan, or just a fan, but they have found that it helps in preventing SIDS. Kind of common sense I guess. When you blow in a baby's face they gasp, so it makes sense that a fan would keep them breathing. Just thought I would pass that on since SIDS was brought up.
I also did not say before that yes it is very hard to leave. I really really sucks. The feeling of needing to hold something is very true. Kind of funny. |
| posted by Kim on 10/29/2008 03:04 AM
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| I read that too. I've been leaving our master bathroom fan on. I wanted to have air moving, not only into the room, but also the hot stale air to be sucked out of it too. I guess that only works while her crib is in our room. I'll get an oscillating fan for her dresser when she goes into her nursery room. It makes sense to have the air circulating. |
| posted by Jackie on 10/29/2008 03:11 AM
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| I almost lost my daughter so I am very protective of her. My inlaws don't pay attention to much to children when they watch them. My daughter started rolling over and on thanksgiving my mother inlaw left her on the couch after I told her she's rolling now. She almost fell and hit her head. I grabbed her and I was so pissed. When she was around 3 months my husband aunt gave her a cracker. People don't think though. I am trying to not be so protective but I can't stand when people do stupid things. |
| posted by Kris on 10/29/2008 07:50 AM
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| My son is about 14 months old, and other that an hour or two with my mom to run errands, I have never left him with anyone other than my husband. I'm like you. He is my son and my fun responsibility. If I wanted to go out all the time, then I wouldn't have had a baby. I understand that some people can do it without the guilt, but I am not one of them. I'm glad to know that I'm not alone! :-) |
| posted by Gabrielle on 10/29/2008 12:25 PM
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| She definitely isn't too young, and as much as we, as parents, would like to be around them all the time, we have to get away for a little while every now and then so we don't go crazy. Here's a suggestion. Ask the babysitter to come over and don't leave the house. Have her stay in the living room/den/wherever, and you and your husband go eat dinner quietly in the dining room. When baby cries, don't go get her from the babysitter, let her handle it. That way, you know she's being taken care of, but you can still relax. Once you feel comfortable leaving, go slowly. Only stay away for a quick trip, or a few hours. You'll be okay, but you do need your relaxing time. |
| posted by Abigail on 10/30/2008 02:19 PM
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| Well I didnt go to the party and Im glad I didn't bcuz my little one was real fussy all evening. If it frustrates me, that's one thing, but the thought of someone else being frustrated or annoyed w/ her breaks my heart and would upset me. There will be other times and opportunities... she'll only be a "newborn" once. |
| posted by April on 11/03/2008 12:27 PM
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