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ey, hang in there our emotions are wild after the baby comes but without knowing what he did I have seen too many people around me stay with some one for the baby and it does not help them work things out. In most cases I seen them start to resent each other by doing so. If you are happy, in love and think you can work through it and both come out on the winning end then stick with it. If what he did was over the line and you cant let it go (maybe along with some other things) and dont think that trying will make a difference or maybe he doesnt want to put forth the effort, then I am sad to say I think emotionally it may be easier to walk away and choose better people for youtr support system (family, friends, other mothers)
Just my thoughts, not by personal experience but from watching too many others stick with it for nothing.
Hang in there, your heart knows what to do. |
| posted by Nichole on 10/25/2008 01:41 PM
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| I think it's hard for fathers to recognize the fact that the baby you carried in your stomach, and that now entered the world, is actually his. I have a 15 month old son and I'm 5 1/2 months preg w/ #2, and my husband constantly says, "I can't believe there's another baby in there and we're going to be parents again". So, I think a lot of times it's easy for them to be disconnected. Also, you didn't say how old your child is, but the older they get, the more the father participates. My husband's always been a great father, but now that my son is walking, starting to talk, understanding sentences, etc...it seems my husband is connecting with him even more. Raising a child is very difficult; and when you feel you're doing it on your own, a lot of resentment gets built up. Unless there are other issues in your relationship, you might want to try to ride this one out (barring he is not abusive to you or your child in any way). Good luck. |
| posted by Allison on 10/27/2008 01:12 AM
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| My husband was forced to take on the role of the "mother hen" early on. I was in the hospital with complications and couldn't tend to my son the way I had hoped. My husband had to change the diapers, feed him, clothe him, and everything else that goes along with newborns. When I got home, he was giving me tips/strategies for things. I think it helps to get your significant other involved early on, so they are invested for life. Now when he gets home from work, he feeds my son dinner, gives him a bath, reads him his 'nite nite' books, and puts him to bed. He has been doing this since birth, so I think it really helps to get them started earlier rather than later. |
| posted by Heather on 10/27/2008 11:31 AM
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| Don't worry, things will work out. My cousin had the same problem with her "baby's dad". He was really mean during her pregnancy and he stressed her out so bad that she ended up losing 30 lbs while she was pregnant! They broke off thier relationship a month before their daughter was born but she was still living in his mother's basement. So he was crappy to her for a few months and she ended up moving in with her dad and the "baby daddy" kept calling child services on her about supposed "marks" that were not there and things. So she decided to have NO contact with him other than to let him see his daughter. Then when the baby was 3 months old, she "met" another guy. (they already knew each other but never had the opportunity to really interact). Now 2 years later, they are getting married and she has a cordial relationship with her baby's daddy. So it can work out...just have to be patient! |
| posted by Katie on 10/27/2008 12:26 PM
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it's time to grow up. i mean, if it's tough love than that's different from being a jerk. if he's emotionally abusive then you have got to make the right choice for you and your family and move on.
Who wants to raise a child in an environment where his dad or mom is so verbally/physically abusive.
children and even young babies can feel the tension of stress and sadness on their parents. and statiscally, if you raise your child when you are depressed and stressed and sad, then your child will most likely be one to suffer the most.
don't just leave because you're an emotional wreck, but don't just stay because you think you have to and afraid to raise a child alone. everyone goes through this. it takes a lot of strength and courage to make the right choice. even if it means you gotta make sacrafices.
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| posted by hoot on 10/27/2008 07:07 PM
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| ;) |
| posted by April on 10/27/2008 07:43 PM
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| I would hope that your family would be more supportive of you getting out of a bad situation rather than staying for the sake of appearances. So what she is the only one with only a mom? Is that really affecting her life? In fact she would probably have a great example being set by you (in getting out of a bad sit) as well as by the rest of your family. In my extended family, my own parents are practically the only ones who are still together! So we stick out just as much as you would. |
| posted by Katie on 10/28/2008 09:12 AM
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| ;) |
| posted by April on 10/28/2008 01:09 PM
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When you daughter gets older, she's going to start blaming herself for your unhappiness because you chose to stay with her father because you wanted your daughter to have a complete family.
Regardless if you decide to leave, she will always have a father.
But i totally understand the situation you are dealing with. I was there. It is most exceptionally hard to be selfish, and to only think of your own happiness, without her father. Luckily, my husband and I worked out our differences. We're not exactly the happy ending, but I can say that we are still pushing for 'great'.
You make your own destiny. DOn't expect it come knocking at your door.
I'm sure if he's unhappy in the same relationship, you can both save each other the arguments and bad words and part ways. It is more healthier and more beneficial for your daughter.
good luck.
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| posted by hoot on 10/28/2008 01:17 PM
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| ;) |
| posted by April on 10/28/2008 02:16 PM
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