|
|
|
|
|
|
 |
|
|
|
|
| Parents of Teens |
| Public online group |
|
|
| |
|
|
Hi,
Forgive me for not posting before and then coming out of the blue with this very serious post.........
My 19 year old son was charged with a C Felony last week (drug possession discovered when a friend who was driving was stopped for speeding) and needs to appear in court in 4 days. Due to his lifelong personality issues, he is not taking responsibility for his actions and just lashing out at society, stupid laws, bad luck, etc.
My husband is in the process of retaining an attorney for the court (which is about an hour away from us) appearance, but what would you do? Part of me feels that he needs a major wake-up call and I was almost tempted to let him take the punches, but he's my only son, my first-born, the difficult child I love so much and I feel that I can't let him dangle in the wind. Still, there has been no communication of feeling sorry or apologizing or acknowledging that this is a hardship for us as well as a problem for him, just anger and talking about all the problems he has and lashing out at society.
What would you do and say as far as consequences and to get through to your child how serious this is and that this destructive behavior has to stop? He has a 6 year drug history and we have been in and out of many therapies. |
| Posted by Wendy on 10/20/2008 09:43 AM
|
|
|
|
| |
|
|
Consequences for this will come from the Judge. Inabling your son will only hinder him. He needs to grow up and take resposibility for himself. You need to let go. He got into the mess himself he needs to get out himself too. He will only get better when he is ready. You can't do it for him. Trying only makes it take longer for him to figure things out. He is the only one who can make the right chooses for him. He is an adult and you need to treat him like one.
Good luck |
| posted by Janet on 10/20/2008 10:14 AM
|
|
|
|
|
| Has he been evaluated for mental issues? He may have a disorder that makes him how he is now and there are medication therapies and behavioral modication that can help. It's true he does need to grow up and face consequences but if he needs help he sure won't get it in prison. He would be better off doing any time in a treatment facility. |
| posted by DESTINY on 10/20/2008 02:20 PM
|
|
|
|
|
Your son is old enough to take the consequences for his decisions and actions regardless of whether he accepts responsibility for them or not. Treatment for drug issues needs to be obtained when he is willing to accept responsibility for his decisions and actions.
From one co-dependent mother to another: it's time to step back and let him experience this without any cushioning from mom Your tears and anguish need to be shed out of your son's presence. He's a man now, so treat him like one and do your grieving in private.
As for what you can say or do to convince your son this has to stop: I doubt there is anything you haven't tried in 6 years. It's time to stop thinking there's something you can or should do to stop this. This is his problem, his decision, his consequences and he is responsible to stop it, not you. |
| posted by Kelly on 10/21/2008 09:28 AM
|
|
|
|
|
| It sounds like this is what your son needs to get his life back on the right track. He may not be expressing his feelings, but from experience, inside he probably is feeling it. If he is involved in drugs then those drugs are making him feel nothing. Going to jail/prison will wake him up in a serious way. But even afterwards he may not be completely out of the clear. You can always talk to your attorney, who in turn can talk to the judge about the situation. Depending on if he has a previous record, he is facing 1-3 years in jail/prison. The judge may order drug rehab in addition to jail time. In my own opinion, I would just wait it out and see what happens, but let your son know you love him but this is beyond your control. |
| posted by Lisa on 10/23/2008 07:30 PM
|
|
|
|
|
I am sorry you have to go through this and you will certainly be in my prayers. I agree with Lisa and Kelly.
Keep the faith - God works in mysterious ways. |
| posted by Charity on 10/31/2008 02:47 AM
|
|
|
|
|
| yes I know how you fell my child is only 17 will be 18 next oct. My husband and I have been going tought maybe the same thang. with the law,friend, school and the drugs. she is my only child.she may be get charged with 4 felony dont know the class yet. We went as far as last yaer in Jan. we moved her from where we live in Wi. to Ks. to live with her grandma. because she was geting into Alot of truble she got kicked out of school. We moved her there so she could get a new start. she was good for about 6m's and just in the past mouth thang has gone right out the door. we have been asking the state of wisconsin and got no where. and now we are aing the state of Ks. for help and no onewill help. I work for the state of wi. i have good inc. whats with it you ask for help and what do you get from anyone just the same run around..... |
| posted by Amy on 11/06/2008 05:28 PM
|
|
|
|
|
| Wendy, Im not a mother of a teen, but I've been one. If you dont mind me asking, what drug/s is your son in to? The reason I ask is bcuz different drugs affect people differently. Honestly, if it was just weed or something like that, I'd do the "Tough Love" thing. If its something more serious, then as hard as it is, you can not give up on your son. Understand the entire world will, but you have to be there for him. Pray, pray, pray and be there for him. Remember drugs like meth actually "eat" away at the part of your brain that contains your conscience, which is why people who are on it will steel from their grandma's w/ no problem. |
| posted by April on 11/06/2008 08:13 PM
|
|
|
|
|
| Along with the tough love thing.make him pay back his attorney fees.and anything else he cost u.hes a grown man now.and at 19.he knows right from wrong.u did your job as a mom.he knows u love and support him.but u cant go broke based on bailing him out of trouble all the time.i know its got to be hard.but he does no u love him |
| posted by amanda on 11/06/2008 08:49 PM
|
|
|
|
|
I am a parent of a 13yr old son. I know what it feels like when your child acts out as such. I also am a legal assistant for a criminal law firm. I have seen soooo many parents come in and continue to pay their childs fees time after time and the child just keeps doing things because their parent(s) will end up paying.
I have also seen teens bust their butt to pay for their mistakes, those are the ones who don't come in time after time.
Let your son pay for his mistake! Tough but a life lesson that your son will eventually understand and not hold you accountable.
Don't forget he made the CHOICE to hang w/ others NOT YOU. Hang in there. |
| posted by Kimmy on 11/06/2008 10:26 PM
|
|
|
|
| |
| |
|
|
|
| |  |
| |
|
|
|
