 |
|
|
|
| Need to Vent Group |
| Public online group |
|
|
| |
|
|
I am 21 years old; currently living with my mother, 2 of my 3 brothers, my near year old daughter and my moms sloppy boyfriend. I have been at home every day with (other than a few hours on a rare occasion) absolutely no time to myself, in or out of the house ever since my daughter was born. I have told mom for the past several weeks that I just feel like banging my skull against the wall most nights when I can't get my daughter to sleep and all she wants to do is cry. Nobody EVER (no exaggeration, btw.) offers to help watch her, bathe her, feed her, or ANYTHING. My mother may come in on some days to see her only granddaughter for about 5 minutes, but then walks off. Her room is right across from our room, so she has every opportunity. I am currently seeking work, but my access is limited due to the fact that she has Down Syndrome and has several holes in her heart and I don't want to end up taking 2 or 3 buses to get home if there were an emergency with her or something. I don't know what to do.
She may need surgery in January, I'm trying to save up to move to Utah (most of my family lives there) in May with only 420 dollars coming in a month and half going towards bills and such....I have absolutely no social life other than chatting with friends online, and I have lost almost all of my energy. I have gotten to the point where I have exhausted all of my time and energy in this house and with my daughter, you would think with the several people living in this house, SOMEONE would lend a hand....but no. |
| Posted by Paloma on 10/15/2008 03:40 PM
|
|
|
|
| |
|
|
I'm so sorry to hear of all that you're going through. Try and be patient as you save money...things will get better, and when you do finally move, it will be all the sweeter. Kiss that little girl as much as possible...it'll cheer you both up. I wish you happiness, and good fortune. :)
Maybe talk to your Mother about how you're feeling...ask for help, say you're feeling overwhelmed...can't hurt, right? Good luck hon. |
| posted by on 10/15/2008 04:47 PM
|
|
|
|
|
I am so sorry you feel so frustrated.. I know it is hard being a parent on 24/7.. in my case my husband travels for work so i am with my son alot of times....I on the other hand do have breaks so I may not be the person you are looking to hear from but i couldnt help but say Wow you are a very strong young individual and although thing seem to get rough and overwhleming I am amazed how well you are handling your situation....
I can understand your frustration as far as somebody reaching out to help with the baby.. I would kindof expect my mom to also if I was living in the house with her... But on the other hand I know nothing of your mom to say anything about her.. have you spoken to your mom and ask her to help you more because you are feeling overwhelmed? that just may be the start to the solution... Hopefully it could be that easy...
I wish you comfort..
Ellen |
| posted by ellen on 10/15/2008 04:50 PM
|
|
|
|
|
| I've asked her for help a billion times and told her how exhausted and stressed I feel pretty much every day and she either blows me off or given me the "Been there, done that." crap......Funny thing is, the whole entire time I grew up, there was ALWAYS someone else around watching us besides her. INCLUDING my brother, who was only a year older. |
| posted by Paloma on 10/15/2008 06:09 PM
|
|
|
|
|
Not sure where you are living (city wise) but some churches offer programs for "mom time" for an hour or 2 to get your own time call around. I know it's a lot overwhelming do you go out for walks are there parks around? I try and get out as much as possible sometimes when I feel like these walls are closing in,
Does your mom maybe not want to be close to her grandaughter because she has down? I had a good friend go through that with her husbands family when her daughter was born with down and it was hard on her.
Good luck on saving money I know it is hard when you have limited transportation. Who would watch her if you did find a job? |
| posted by Kristhal on 10/15/2008 07:12 PM
|
|
|
|
|
because I would be working, I would also have money coming in so I can pay her for my portion of the rent, therefore it is her obligation to make sure my daughter is taken care of....right now I am doing work around the house and taking care of her son, so once the money comes in there is no excuse for her because I am paying her.
I don't think she has a problem with my daughters disability, her 8 year old son has Autism. |
| posted by Paloma on 10/15/2008 07:44 PM
|
|
|
|
|
| ;) |
| posted by April on 10/24/2008 05:42 PM
|
|
|
|
|
| I'm going to be rude and personally i've read some of your other posts where you've been extremely rude to other women on the site for no reason. I have sympathy for you. My sister is a single mom to a 3 year old with almost no help whatsoever. Being a single mom while living with your mom and having a child with a disability is even harder, but my sisters been through it and done wonderful. For the exact same reason i have sympathy for you I have little sympathy for you. You chose to be in this position. If you weren't ready to raise a child on your own, then you shouldn't have gotten pregnant. Parents don't change overnight and this child isn't anybody else's responsibility but yours. If they don't help you, thats their right. I have a son who occasionally doesn't sleep well, we'll go through a week or two of sleeping through the night, then a couple weeks of getting up every two hours, so I understand that. My husband works and so I try not to wake him up if its not absolutely necessary. Find a mom's group or splurge on a babysitter if you really need a break. See if you can find an inhome daycare that will let you drop her off occasionally. Get a part time job near a day care even if its 10 hours a week that give you a break. If you sit at home and feel sorry for yourself then your situation in life isn't going to get any better. |
| posted by on 10/24/2008 09:53 PM
|
|
|
|
|
I didn't ask for pity when I posted this thread, nor did I ask for someone to be a bitch to me about opening up in a forum meant for these types of things.
Like I said before about that ONE situation where there was a disagreement with ONE person, How my life at home is has absolutely nothing to do with my feelings for the company that she was prancing about with only good words for it. I said my piece about the company because I know that there are people who want to hear BOTH sides, not just the cheesy fake smile and the script that they prepare and memorize. If you have anything else to say, something less rude and unnecessary, let me know. I have a low tolerance for hypocrites. |
| posted by Paloma on 10/24/2008 11:47 PM
|
|
|
|
|
| excuse me Beth but its not always up to the person to decide when to become a mother.. sometimes it is of God's will not ours... I can understand your feeling towards this person because of past comments on the boards but I find it difficult to understand why you would attack in such a manner when we all dont know the true circumstances of the situation to begin with... My poin tis this...Paloma has the right to vent about anything she wants to vent about and if we choose to listen then ots ok.. some of us choose to comment and it is ok but we should all think about the others persons feelings... |
| posted by ellen on 10/26/2008 01:10 AM
|
|
|
|
|
| also want to state something for Paloma.. You need outside sources.. look into a group for your childs disabilities.. I am sure they have outlets for parents who are single with no help... even the state you live in might have plaes to go to. the only thing i think about your mom is a woman who doesnt want to give up her time for a child doesnt mean she doesnt love them.. I found alot of woman arent always nuturing... |
| posted by ellen on 10/26/2008 01:13 AM
|
|
|
|
|
| thank you :) |
| posted by Paloma on 10/26/2008 01:35 AM
|
|
|
|
|
| no thanks necessary.. I know if and when i am boo hooing I would want some compassion too.... not that you are boo hooing its just slang talk. |
| posted by ellen on 10/28/2008 11:17 AM
|
|
|
|
|
| i have to say,im a mom,a very good mom and i get frustrated too at times.every parent does wether they admit it or not.paloma,your no different then anyone else.welcome to mother hood!!! lol.im sure your a smart girl.youll figure it out. |
| posted by amanda on 10/28/2008 05:08 PM
|
|
|
|
|
| I'm going to comment on what i said and then drop it because there is no reason to go on and on. Since most rapes don't end in pregnancy and most women who do have the child give it up I assumed that since Paloma has her child that she willingly had sex knowing a pregnancy risk. If not I recant everything I wrote and commend her for what she's done. I'm not sure where there was hypocrisy in my statement and I know that I'm not a hypocrite. It's tough to raise and child and raise it alone. I said you had my sympathy not my pity. We tend to vent for sympathy. What I was responding to what the comments that it was your mom's responsibility to help care for your child and find care for it. If I misread something there then forgive me by all means, but that's how i interpreted. Home life affects all things. Good luck |
| posted by on 10/28/2008 05:59 PM
|
|
|
|
|
no, what I said was that it is her job to be a grandmother, and considering I practically helped her raise her youngest son (and still do) it would be nice to have her help and gratitude. I don't think that any people have the right to criticize single mothers like me for venting when they have never been in that position. It is a completely different story when the parent is with the SO and they share their time equally.
In reference to the rape factor, I did NOT get raped.....but when I took part in having sex with my daughters father, I did not do it with the intentions of him taking off the second he found out I was pregnant. With that said, there is NO reason and NOBODY has a right to give the whole "You had sex, you got pregnant, now get over it." speech. Nobody PLANS to have to take care of a child on their own...if that were my plan, we wouldn't be having this conversation. Single mothers do not get enough respect at all. The fact that I chose to have my daughter even after all the crap that went on with her father actually DOES mean something. I could have taken the easy way out and just given her up or aborted, but I did not. |
| posted by Paloma on 10/28/2008 07:55 PM
|
|
|
|
|
| ;) |
| posted by April on 10/28/2008 08:05 PM
|
|
|
|
|
| Unfortunately, I do not know many people in my area :/ I'm sure I can figure something out eventually. |
| posted by Paloma on 10/28/2008 08:21 PM
|
|
|
|
|
| where do you reside? |
| posted by ellen on 10/29/2008 12:03 AM
|
|
|
|
|
| Paloma, I have to tell you that you are one of the stongest womens around. I thought my best friend was strong but you are stronger. I have a two kids, a 3yr girl and a 3mo boy, by two different dads. I am with my sons dad but I did expeirence the whole single stay at home mom with little to no help. When I got pregnant it took my ex a month to accept it and telI me that he would stick around. But three mo after I had her it was over with us. I know how hard it is to raise a child that does not have a disability on your own. I cant not even imagine what I would do if she had one. My parents both didnt want to help much as they wanted to have their own time as they were done raising little kids. There are companies out there that allow you to work at home. So you can earn money and still be with your child. Having something else to do other then just being a mom will make you feel better. I know it did for me. There are still days that I want to just screem at the top of my lungs and I have my fiance around all the time to help. I wish you the best of luck. Just keep remembering that you are stronger then anyone else will or can ever know. You can always count on one guy, the guy upstairs. He hasa plan for you and will never hand you more then you can handel. |
| posted by Becky on 10/29/2008 02:29 AM
|
|
|
|
|
paloma, I know this is a little late in the thread, but i was thinking about whether i have anything to say or not. i wanted to respond to someone's comment about the baby being your responsibility and not your mothers. I agree with that completely, but you know, sometimes it is SO NICE TO HAVE HELP!!!! No one denies that your baby is your respons. esp. if you are single parent. you feel that responsibility everyday in your life...i feel it, and i am not a single parent. I am very lucky. My parents are awesome,but i know the difference. when my mom comes to visit, i am excited because i know that those two days, she will take care of him and my husband and i can sleep and rest and the cooking will be done and he will be in good hands. when my MIL comes to visit, she is great and very nice but does not do A THING to help me. Nothing. I don't resent it b/c it is not her responsibility but sometimes i do wish she would see me as her daughter and help out, too, you know? she doen'st watch him, doesn't cook, doesn 't even offer. i mean, as far as MILs go, i def. am on the lucky side b/c we don't have "problems" but, when she comes to visit, it's another worry and someone else to take care of but it's so different with my mom.
i guess the point of this whole thing is to say to the lady with the responsibilty thing, being mothers, everyone here feels their responsibilty but kids are hard and to keep from going crazy, you need some help. and, for me, who else am i going to ask for help except from my family or my brother? i am certainly not going to ask my friends...i count on my family and it makes me feel bad that paloma doesn't have someone that she can count on, Life is just hard sometimes and we just need to be understanding. |
| posted by Lalitha on 10/30/2008 08:12 AM
|
|
|
|
|
paloma,hey girl!!!!lol
you know what,i got divorvorced about 7 or 8 yrs ago.when i left my hubby,i chose to move clear across the state.i wanted control on how my kids were going to be raised.he just a had visitation.so we backed our clothes.i rented a apartment on the phone,and we moved.i had no job,not much money.and no family.but i did what was best.my kids were 5,2,and 3 months old then.i was so scared.but once we got there.i found help to get furniture.i got a job!then i put my kids in daycare,and weve been fine ever since.we had our moments of course.since then,i got remarried and have 3 step kids.you can do it!!! i believe in you |
| posted by amanda on 10/30/2008 01:32 PM
|
|
|
|
| |
| |
|
|
|
| |  |
| |
|
|
|
