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| I totally agree i have arguments with my hubby's side of the family because i stay home they think i do nothing while my husband works 12 hrs shifts My BIL really is after me to get a job . Staying home isnt always easy |
| posted by rhonda on 06/05/2007 01:23 PM
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| I completly agree with you! My son is only 7 months but he is already crawling and standing up on things and trying to walk! I am going crazy with him he gets into everything ahhh I am glad I only have my son for now I couldnt handle anymore babies! Im waiting 5 years For my daughter hopefully! |
| posted by erica on 06/05/2007 01:23 PM
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| It is very challenging and I also have only one child. Raymond is great but I have to keep him entertained the whole day. On top of that, the house needs to get cleaned too. By the time the day is over...I am dead tired! What has helped me is taking my son out for walks during the day and we also take classes at Gymboree and The Little Gym. We also go out to Borders for Storytime. We just keep busy and try to get out of the house. It also gives me a reason to dress up and feel good about myself. But ultimately Laura, we are lucky to be home with our kids because we get to see them grow. |
| posted by Dorothy on 06/05/2007 01:30 PM
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| I was just having this convo with one of my friends. It's amazing how much you have to do when you were working and its amazing how much MORE there is to do when you are a stay at home mom. My husband wants me to go back to work, and I say I will gladly as soon as he finds me someone to watch my children the way I watch my children. I had my daughter in daycare for 4 months. She was in some contraption (swing, exersaucer, bassinet) when I left her and in something when I picked her up. I'm amazed they changed her diaper. And I know that some households do not have the choice but to put their children in daycare, but we have the choice.... and I'm not giving up this time with my children. It's probably the hardest thing I've ever done... but I'm loving every second (well, almost) because I've been on the other side. |
| posted by Allison on 06/05/2007 01:37 PM
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Well said! I agree with you 100%. It all comes down to the safety and wellfare of your child(s)...and also what your family can afford
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| posted by Dorothy on 06/05/2007 01:41 PM
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| I always tell my BIL if he can find a day care for my 2 kids & pay for it then i'll go back to work but i dont think day care will take a 13 & 10 yr old |
| posted by rhonda on 06/05/2007 01:43 PM
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| It is the hardest, and most important job we will ever have. What bugs me is that people not only assume I have it easy, but they actually ask me to do things when they don't have the time. I don't work, so I must have lots of free time, right? Even people who have had kids and have been SAHM before- what a short memory some people have! |
| posted by Marcia on 06/05/2007 01:51 PM
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| LOL i get that to my sister used to be a sahm & she did the same thing ask me to do things because she was to buzy taking care of her 2 kids like i im not buzy myself i mean come one |
| posted by rhonda on 06/05/2007 01:59 PM
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| I went back to work for a couple of months right after my daughter was born and got to take her to work with me. Then I stayed home with her for a few months and we started having financial problems. Now my daughter is 14 months and I have a home business, but my daughter was 5 months at the time and had colic and when we got to the point where we realized I needed to have an income too my mom actually said "you might have to get off your butt and get a job." I'm still bitter toward her for that. |
| posted by Cinda on 06/05/2007 02:04 PM
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| I'm a newer SAHM. I've worked outside the home when I had my first two children. It was not a choice to be able to stay home but that said I think that Moms just need to learn to support each other. I will say this though when I worked outside the home it was really tough trying to balance both worlds. I didn't make enough $ to pay someone to clean my house etc. I did it after work, on weekends, after the kids went to bed etc. I now have a 3rd child and she's 9 months old and I am able to be a SAHM. It's a lot different than leaving the house to work everyday. I think some people...men and women think that it's easier than working outside the home. For me, it has been much easier being home and being a SAHM and getting the things done around the house etc. that I use to have to do when I worked full-time and still had the same responsibilities. I love my new career being home with the baby and the boys. I hope to be able to do it for a long time. It is the hardest job I've ever done but being home I have found is a lot less stressful than trying to balance both the working out of the home world and the demands of motherhood. I can now fully focus on just motherhood and it's so much nicer. I do have extra time in my schedule now that I never had before. If someone wants to judge me for it...well so be it. Being a Mom...doesn't matter if you SAHM or work outside the home is a full-time job and I'm glad to just have one job now vs. two! |
| posted by on 06/05/2007 02:06 PM
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| I would go back to work but my hubby works rotational shifts and right now we have 1 car and someone needs to be home to get the kids off the bus I wouldnt make enough to do anything only working part time so i stay home for now |
| posted by rhonda on 06/05/2007 02:10 PM
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| I couldn't agree with you more. It is not easy being home all day trying to entertain your little onme while getting everythiong else you need to get done..done. My daughter is 6 month old and she is really laid back but she still always wants to be in my arms. I do sometimes feel as if people think it's a walk in the park being at home with a child all day. |
| posted by amy on 06/05/2007 02:20 PM
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| I too, am new to being a SAHM. I received some of the same views of stay at home moms, like "you are not a SAHM; you could never sit at home at eat bon bons all day like the rest of them do. You are a hard worker and should continue in your career." I was shocked by the responses that were given to me from fellow collegues. But ultimately, this decision has been the best that I have had to make. It is unfortunate that I didn't make it sooner with my other two children, but I get to spend time with them now too! My boys are really close in age (3, 2, and 8 months) so having any free time is really limited. I am constantly changing diapers, cleaning the house, which never is spotless by the way, and changing their clothes. It is nice though having the opportunity to bring them up with our family values. My in-laws and husband were really the ones who opened my eyes about staying at home and I am glad. Being a SAHM is a lot harder than working!! Cheers to all the ladies!!! |
| posted by Jessica on 06/05/2007 02:26 PM
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All this feedback is great! After 3months home with my first son, i went back to work, because i had to and because i never seriously thought i would be a good sahm. While i enjoyed the time with my female coworkers, i realized i was missing all the milestones!And the daycare, well i am sure there are better ones out there, but my son kept a diaper rash. I did a lot of praying that God would enable me to stay home and i have been home the last 18months and now have a 2 yo and a 8month old.
This swirl of emotions you have as a sahm is hard to explain. Some days it's the best and most rewarding job i've ever had and some days i feel i should be in a padded cell, lol. What is the worst for me is the guilt when i parent in a way i don't like or lose my patience and get angry or just can't seem to keep up with the laundry, the cooking, the diapers and feedings. Not to mention trying to still have some time for yourself. And then trying to keep fit on top of everything else.
When i had one child and worked i felt it was doable as far as keeping up with all my roles, but after two...whew i admire us sahm's for keeping our sanity and i admire the working moms for making the most of the time they have each day with their children.
The feminists out there will probably cringe at this next statement. But because of that movement, now women are expected to do it all. Expected by society, men and even other women. I believe that each gender has their own strengths and weaknesses. And yes i know many women excel at working and many men excel at staying home, but overall we are designed to be caretakers of our homes and men are designed to provide and go out and fight the fight every day. That is what is hard for me as I have always been so independent before my children came along and i felt i was a feminist. I think this is why we have guilt for staying home especially when we are'nt perfect at it. Today's sahm have it even tougher i think than the 50's ones did, because all my man thinks he has to do is go to work. That's it. I handle all the finances, errands, grocery shopping, all shopping, the kids for the most part, scheduling, cooking, yardwork sometimes, housework. I sat him down and explained that i never get a day off or vacation or sick days or even lunch off alone etc etc. I think he's a great husband and when he knows he's needed he usually pitches in without complaint, but i do have to ask.
Darn it, i did not mean to go on like this. Sigh, ok i am off to start supper.. |
| posted by Andrea R. on 06/05/2007 03:39 PM
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Andrea, you make a good point. I think that the feminist movement contributes to the expectation for women to do it all, and that puts pressure on us. Forget about all that, and just do what you feel is best. If the dusting doesn't get done today because you wanted to take a few minutes to sit and relax while the kids nap, that's ok, it doesn't make you a bad mom.
It is important to help your husband understand that you need help. I tell my husband the same thing, I don't get weekends off or lunch breaks, so I need him to give me those breaks. He is usually great about it, but once in a while I need to remind him.
I am definitely for women's rights, but I also think that it is unrealistic to expect to be able to do it all yourself. If you try you will end up neglecting something- most likely yourself, and that's no good. Take some time for yourself in order to give the your best to your family. |
| posted by Marcia on 06/05/2007 04:32 PM
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| hi laura,it`s hard work being a sahm,I have 5 girls,oldest is 14 yrs the yougest is_5 month old the youngest has noonans syndrome&heart problems&Ineed lots friends to come over to help me, but it hard to find friends out her in the country.I never go out any where I stay home all day long.now schools out the summer,my don`t feel like helping me at all,I do all the work my self,end of the i`m tired,I can`t stay awake to watch jay leno.p.s i need friends. can anyone call me on cell #810-441-2216 after 8:00 am |
| posted by Deborah on 06/05/2007 06:01 PM
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WOW THANKS LADIES !!!!
It makes my day to read your responses. I cant believe all the agreements I got. And u are all right we have a though job and I never knock working moms at all ! I just think people think if we are home all day it is easier ......BUT they do say aSAHM is equal to 2 full time jobs .........AMEN to whoever made that statement.
LAURA |
| posted by laura on 06/05/2007 06:59 PM
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Hey I'm a SAHM of 20 month old twins and people think that since they're the same age they keep each other busy , sure they do by keeping me in hyper drive just to keep up with their hyper drives . Whoever said staying at home was easy should come live a day in our lives then go crawling back home at the end of the day (12am or so)
And I can't wait to get that $135,000 that careers.com says we should be making . I love being at home and seeing them grow but what everyone forgets is we also give up our adult talk and that is what makes us nuts! |
| posted by JeanMarie on 06/05/2007 07:28 PM
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| I absolutely agree. With me I have double the work, I have twin 2 2/3 year old boys who are the most active creatures walking the earth to date!!! do have to say though, I still have them on a nap schedule so I do get a small break during the day but I end up spending that time taking care of business on the computer, cleaning or getting prep'd for dinner that evening!! Some life, huh? |
| posted by Jeanne on 06/05/2007 07:30 PM
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| I have two children, two and two months old. I have never been so busy in all my life. I stay at home as a choice, because I don't want other people raising my children and it is so good for them to be with their mother. My husband will come home and say what did you today and my reply I swear I did clean, it may not look like but I have been cleaning all day!! I really would like him to do it all day!!! |
| posted by Jeanette on 06/06/2007 08:33 PM
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| I totally agree. I am a new member and loved reading all the messages. I think being a sahm is the toughest job and most important job. I love being home with my five month old, but do miss the adult stimulation and challenges my profession offers. It is an adjustment to alter your lifestyle and raise a newborn. Its also difficult for me to stay at home most of the day. I'm a people person and prefer a busy schedule. Not to say i'm not busy caring for my child and keeping up with the house. In fact, my cousin was saying how lucky I am to stay home and how easy it must be! She says no hassle and stress from a job. Well sahm is a full time job ladies! Good for us! |
| posted by Lori on 06/06/2007 09:04 PM
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| OMG I sooo agree with this. But to add to it I have problems with my husband thinking this way. It really frustarates me because I know that it's NOT the truth! I mean how is it possible to keep the house spotless with toddlers? I mean your cleaning 1 thing then to turn around and have a brand new thing to add to the list. It is really frustrating because, my MIL some how likes to reminice on when she had to work and take care of her kids, but in actuality had her MIL live with her to care for HER kids! ARRRGGG, if only she REALLY knew how hard it is. Not too mention being a SAHM can be soo unglamorous. I am lucky if I get to shower! |
| posted by Jacelyn on 06/07/2007 01:25 AM
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AMEN TO THE NO SHOWER COMMENT !
lAURA |
| posted by laura on 06/07/2007 08:42 AM
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Maybe I'm on the fringe here, but I don't feel guilty at all for staying home with my son. NO ONE can love and care for my son the way I do, and no way would I allow anyone to try. I went through 8 tough months trying to bring him into this world safely, and I'll be damned if I'll let anyone make me feel guilty for wanting to continue that safety. Though I do have to add, that I do take time for myself. If I don't take care of me, who will? As far as I know there wasn't a star in the east when Collin came into this world, so his father is as responsiable for taking care of him as I am. Husbands have to be involved in the caring of the kids. They are their kids too. My husband has been there from the start, changing diapers,feeding, and just taking care of him in general. They have a special bond that I am grateful for. I do still consider myself to be a femenist. If by that we mean standing up for our rights and not allowing anyone to judge or bully us into feeling like we are less that anyone else for staying at home with our children. NO WAY would I ever want to go back to the "good old day's" of the 50's and before. I can tell you, I am no June Cleaver, and proud to say so. We as women should be coming together to support one another rather than doing all that we can to pull one another apart. I support mom's who decide to work after having kids.Some women just are better mom's when they aren't with their kids 24/7. And that's ok, but some of us are better mom's for having been with our kid's 24/7. I worked outside of the home for 10 years before having my son, and I have to say that I work harder now than I ever did in the corp. world.
So.......don't ever feel guilty for wanting the best for your kids. And that best is you loving and raising them to be what your morals are, not someone elses.....
And now, I will step down from my soap box! lol......... |
| posted by Susan on 06/07/2007 08:49 AM
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Thanks for the reallity check I dont know why I have let certain people make me feel less of a person due to the fact Im a sahm. No one has actually said crap to me but u know how u getthe impression woman look down on you though.
Well thxs . U are so right !
Laura |
| posted by laura on 06/07/2007 08:57 AM
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| I couldn't agree more. It is tough at times people don't realize it but we do alot.My husband comes home sometimes and asks me where's dinner? My reply is I don't just sit here all day like you think I do,most the time I get it all taken care of but I mean I need to take something off the list for at least one day. I can't do everything, I fed Malik played with him swept, mopped ,picked up toys vacumed, washed dishes, ate my self fed the baby cleaned him and just now got to sit down. Not only do we clean but in the middle of cleaning we have to pause some times to attend to a poopie diaper or if they want to be held or fed, so we get started then have to stop then have to go back and finish and still don't get done have the time.I think my hubby would like for me to get a job but I will not I mean will not leave my son in a day care, for one it is too exspensive and I don't think there is a lot of day cares that actualy are good for your children.Another I don't want to pay some one to put my child in front of the T.V. or leave him in the swing all day. I worked at a day care before 2-3 times I know how they treat children. I want to know what my son is doing , I also am going to watch my niece in the fall for my sister and she is going to pay me, I would only let family watch my son and I don't have much family that would set their lives aside to do that. Dose anyone feal me? |
| posted by Amber on 06/07/2007 04:35 PM
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| Speaking of MEN i mowed the lawn yesterday & he come home & guess what he does ?? Mowes right over it boy that just mad me so mad i made a mess in the kitchen to make him mad he knew it took me over an hr to mow so he goes right over it GRRRR men are not my pals lately |
| posted by rhonda on 06/07/2007 04:40 PM
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Susan, I would not want to go back to the "good old days" either where women did not feel they could speak up for themselves. But I am not ashamed to say that I am glad I have a husband willing to do without my paycheck and go out and work so hard for his family. I guess that is what i was saying above :) It is a privilege, staying home, that so many do not have in today's world. I do my best to remember that on those days when I feel like I am spinning in a tornado and can't get out, lol.
Amber, hang tough girl. It is hard to stand up for your child when your husband does not fully support that stance, but maybe he will come around. I know sometimes mine hears daycare horrors and it shows him why we are doing this. And there are extras we do without of course, like the big SUV. After all my mid-size car is paid for as I tell my husband over and over, laughing. I remind myself of that too when i start dreaming how much easier 2 car seats would fit in a Yukon and how the double stroller would just easily pull out of the back and...oh somebody pinch me and wake me up, lol.
Rhonda, did he just not like your rows? Some guys want the rows nice and neat, lol. Who cares? Hmmm... of course it does drive me crazy when he can't seem to hit the laundry basket... |
| posted by Andrea R. on 06/07/2007 05:19 PM
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| He said he wanted to get the grass that was left over and make it neater lol so he says |
| posted by rhonda on 06/07/2007 07:43 PM
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I used to work in daycare and I can say that there are good ones and bad ones. But it's not just the quality of care that the teachers are willing to give. In taking care of my son for the first few weeks I realized how much time it takes to really meet all of his needs. In New York, where I live, the ratio for infants is 4:1. No matter how hard a teacher tries, it is impossible to give appropriate care to 4 babies all day long. Something will be missing- most often cuddling and one on one attention. In some states the ratio is even higer.
It has been a difficult adjustment to learn to live on one income, but we are doing it because it is worth it to know that our son is getting the best possible care. |
| posted by Marcia on 06/07/2007 07:44 PM
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| I love to stay at home and be with my children. People ask what do you do? I say I stay home with my kids! They say wow that must be great to stay home all day and hang out! HANG OUT???? Yea no, it is cooking, cleaning, nursing, changing diapers, trying to potty train. I mean it is fun don't get me wrong but man am I tired!!! I have to say though I have a wonderful husband who helps out most of the time LOL. He needs to be told sometimes but he will do it!! But you also need to remember to get out once and a while! I have joined a mothers group and it is great!!! |
| posted by Jeanette on 06/07/2007 07:54 PM
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| Oh don't think I don't love to stay at home it is the best, I love it but I just hate it when people like you said think all we do is hang out, we wish we could do more of it and me joining this group I hope to put more things aside to hang out at the park with you gals or do other stuff. I think my son need more interaction, my husband I love him dearly, he dosen't understand that Malik needs to start playing with others around his age give or take a few months. My husband laughed when I told him the other day, he said isn't he to young? I said no he isn't and don't you want him to have some friends? LOL I guess in his culture they do things different, he's from the middle east Amman Jordan, and I am from here born and raised.Hope you still want me in your meeting group even though my hubby is from a different country. |
| posted by Amber on 06/07/2007 09:18 PM
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| o he needs to watch it or hell scalp the grass which isn't good for it. |
| posted by Amber on 06/07/2007 09:22 PM
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| sry meant he will |
| posted by Amber on 06/07/2007 09:23 PM
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| He doesnt care as long as there is no grass left on the grass lol he is a picky man about every thing |
| posted by rhonda on 06/07/2007 09:49 PM
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| It doesn't matter to me where your husband is from. As long as he's a nice person. Maybe you could explain to your husband that Malik needs to develop in 4 domains: Social, Cognitive, Emotional, and Physical. Even though he only plays side by side with other children right now he still needs the social interaction to develop all four domains equally. |
| posted by Cinda on 06/07/2007 10:27 PM
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