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| Need to Vent Group |
| Public online group |
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| You know when your kids are about 13-16, and they go through typical attitudes.....well that is pretty normal, BUT when your kids are 18+ I am not going to deal with their petty rudeness....My girls' just think they can say such mean things to me and I am suppose to ""Let them be free to say anything they want because after all I am there mother and I am suppose to love them no matter what" Right? Wrong....I get soooo hurt sometimes...I just can't do what the professionals say to ignore them. I mean they are adults now....is it ok to not talk to them for a while after they say someting not nice to me? I know I am a sensitive person, but, wow it takes me a couple of days to get my self together...I have feelings too. For instance my 18 year old daughter and I were watching Bridezilla, and this bride was treating her father soooo disrespectful..I couldn't believe it. Well, she turns to me and says...."I don't want my father to walk me down the isle". I looked at her surprised and said, "What! then I said well, don't expect us to go to your wedding then because your Dad will be embarassed. She continued to say it has nothing to do with Dad, she wants to walk alone. Another time she told me, "why didn't you save up enough money for me to go to college?" She says a lot of inconsiderate things like that to me....My oldest yelled so bad at her father and I the other day and said horrible things to us we finally said, "you know, you are 21 now, and you need to find your own place....I have 3 daughters.... two are 18 fraternal twins, and the other one is 21! I know I raised them better.....Am I right to stand my ground! and how should I do it? Thanks for any advice...I need it.... |
| Posted by Donna on 09/23/2008 12:51 AM
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| Just because they are your children does not give them the right to be nasty to you. However I don't think her decision to walk alone is aimed at either of you. She's just trying to be independant. It seems to me (and I don't know the full situation) that there may be something deeper going on with you because I don't see anything too mean in what your kids are saying. They seem to be lacking some tact but since they are 18+ the good news is you can talk to them like adults. Tell them how they make you feel when they say these things. You may want to wait until you are not so angry/hurt to discuss it so it doesn't turn into a big screaming match, but there is nothing wrong w/ telling your children that they have hurt you when they are old enough, as yours are, to understand. Also remember that at 18 having freshly graduated from high school alot of kids have this idea that they are finally "grown up" and it is a shock to them to realize that life goes on as it always did when they were still in school. That can lead them to try to prove something by treating parents/authority figures as "equals". Hang in there. I was that age not too long ago myself and I'm sure I said a few things that hurt my dad and step mom but I came around and we have a great relationship now. |
| posted by Beth on 09/23/2008 07:20 AM
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| Im sorry you are struggling with your children, and even though mine are nowhere near grown, I can relate. I am 25 and have had to move back in with my mother due to financial/relationship problems. I sometimes say things I shouldnt say to my mother, but to me its like shes asking for it. She constantly nags at me and criticizes everything I do. My mother and I could not be more different and so we are constantly bumping heads about things. I should also tell you my mother says things to me that I certainly dont consider normal for a mother to say to her daughter; such as calling me out of my name and threatening to call CPS on me, just for yelling at my kids. I dont know a parent who doesnt yell sometimes. . So anyway, I dont know if your daughters are provoked in anyway, or if maybe they hold resentment for something that happened in their childhood. . Did they just recently start talking like this or did they start as they got older? You might want to ask them why they think its ok to speak so bluntly. Let them know it hurts your feelings and to try to approach situations in a more sensitive/caring way. |
| posted by Amy on 09/23/2008 08:19 AM
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