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| Parents of Toddlers |
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| I need advice i need help. my 2 yr old is driving me absolutly nuts, he doesn't listen. i have tried time out, taking toys away, rewarding him when he is good, but its getting worse. PLEASE SOMEONE HELP!!! |
| Posted by Lisa on 06/01/2007 07:45 PM
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have you tried isolating him? with our foster daughters, who are 19 months and 3 1/2, we pick ONE THING to start with and work on that until it's mastered. we also practice following directions in a game form. . . like "put your hands on your head, on your knees. . ."
sometimes they need to be ALONE (yes, we monitor) for more than 10 minutes before they can follow directions. it also takes ALOT of consistency. the rule must ALWAYS be the rule and ALWAYS have the same consequences. |
| posted by Christina on 06/01/2007 08:17 PM
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There is a program called one two three magic, it is a training program used for teachers, it might be helpful in your situation. The premise is to count to three and after stating one you state the consequence (i.e. you would say one, if you do not stop _________, then I will _________, then continue counting and if he hasn't quit the behavior by three immediately serve the consequence and be firm.) Some pointers make sure you are clear about the behavior you want changed and the consequences. At this age, children tend to test boundaries, just remember that it is a phase and some children go through it worse than others. Another thing you can try if this doesn't work is to state what you would like done and have him repeat what you asked him to do. Sometimes that is all it takes, he may not be understanding what it is you are asking him to do, so by him restating it may help him understand a little better. One other option which may sound harsh, is when he makes the choice to disobey and ignore you calmly pick him up and sit with him in your lap, position your body around his somewhat loosely so that neither of you get hurt and tell him that you will let go when he decides to listen and calm down. This tears your heart out but be firm in your words and remember to tell him that you love him but you do not like his choices. Best of luck, I'll keep you in my prayers. Let me know if this was helpful.
Nicole |
| posted by on 06/01/2007 09:49 PM
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schedules, and a lot of time out but if your sun is like mine he will not listen and he will do what he wants, so try posting like a board with the things to do and the things not to do with stars he would love to have a star and or also does he have friends his age? he might need that, but with a younger son it will be a lot harder if your other little one is also very energetic. have you tried leap frog dvd? if you want him to calm down for about 45min and be calm for awhile try leap frog that calms my boys down they love it and they are only allowed 2-3 hours of tv a day but only after jumping, coloring, quiet time, lunch, snack time, ect. and only if they finish what they are doing, then they watch a movie/tv and fall asleep half way. also make some cards like hold mommies hand, use quiet voice, eating time, playing time, hands to ourselves
ect, but show them to him and say it with him try to make him say it and if he does what you say give him a star and a big hug and say "good job" with a big smile. worked and works for me clapping is also good. hope this helps you. |
| posted by MARYLYN on 06/01/2007 10:32 PM
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Dear Lisa,
I'm sorry you're going through this with your son. I know how frustrating it can be. When I don't get enough sleep, I can feel my top beginning to boil... and I'm a very patient parent (too patient sometimes). That said, I do expect certain disciplines of my daughter, and good listening is one of them. I am CONSTANTLY showering her with praise for "being a good listener" when she does listen to me. That said, she is two... which means her listening skills are (oh, how do I say this without sounding like a meanie... beginner level, at best). She needs constant reminders (does the phrase "attention span of a gnat" mean anything to you?) - and I would expect no less... after all, she's only two.
I also agree that with boys you're more likely to attract your little "bee" with "honey" - make everything he needs to learn into a game. If you need him to come to you so you can put his shoes on, then make it "marching time" and march in step to your own rhythm as he follows you... all the while telling him that you can march together for a minute and then you have to put on his shoes. Regardless of how you do it or what "game" you play, do it consistently. So... everytime you put on shoes... begin marching... announce it like you're a band leader... "Dun.. Dun... Dun... It's marching time!!!" Proceed to march... wait until he falls in line... and then let him know that pretty soon "we have to put on our shoes." Giving children a count-down to any event is a great idea, too. "We have two minutes until we have to: clean up our toys... take a bath... get ready for bed." Warnings help them process (emotionally) what's about to happen.
I agree that the counting advice works for me (us), too, but I use it in reverse (3-2-1)... as if she's running out of time to make a "good" decision... and I start it all by telling her that she has three seconds to (for example), "come here so mama can help you put your shoes on." Naturally, at two, she tries to make a game of it ("mama, chase you?") as she runs in the opposite direction. "No... THREE... You need to come here so mama can help you put your shoes on." She thinks about it, but still doesn't come. "TWO... Do you want to go in time out?" She responds, "No." I say, "Then you better come here so mama can help you put your shoes on... ONE..." If she's not running in my direction at that point, she knows she will be spending two minutes (an eternity to her) of her life in time out. I don't have to use this technique very often with her because we've used it since she was about 18 months old, but it comes in handy that she knows the consequences... which is what makes it effective.
All the advice in the world won't fix it overnight. Always remind yourself that it takes a lot of time for these little brains to learn everything they need to know to function the way we do. Lead by example and he'll learn to follow your lead. Best of luck. I hope you get the helpful advice you're looking for.
All my best, Jamie |
| posted by Jamie on 06/02/2007 01:07 AM
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| This is all such great advice! I have a 4 year old little boy, Cole, and a 16 month little girl, Chayse. They are like night and day. i dont remember having to discipline Cole this early! He has always been my mommas boy and just wanted to be with me and make me happy. Chayse is sooooo independent and curious! Everyday someone will tell me " Oh my, you are going to have your hands full!" I'm like " Thanks for the encouragement!!" |
| posted by pamela on 06/02/2007 03:36 PM
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