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| Parents of Teens |
| Public online group |
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| Hi...I just joined this website and this group because I am a mom of a teenage boy. Growing up as an only child, I have no clue what is normal and what isn't, other than the obvious (no drugs, no violence, and no foul language). I find it difficult to know when to tighten the reigns and when to let them go a bit. My son is an honor student in school, so many people in my life think that I should not have to monitor him much. I disagree because I think that I should stay an active parental influence in his life. I realize he is now at a junction where I am no longer the primary influence in his life anyway. Does anyone have any advice for me on where I may need to give him some breathing room? I am just not sure how I am going to get through this sudden realization that I now have a child who is starting the journey to adulthood. I also have a 3 year old boy and an 8 month old girl at home, and that creates its own unique dynamics in my household! I look forward to getting to meet some of you through this website. Thanks! :) |
| Posted by Sanya on 09/17/2008 11:36 PM
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Hi Sanya! Boy can I relate! My son will be 14 on Sat & is an IB student, & active in sports. I monitor everything I can & sometimes I forget to back off. I really try to speak to him more maturely & sometimes it works! I say stay on things as long as he'll let you!! That's what I intend to do! We also have a 14 month old girl & for us it seems to ground him a bit. He always wanted a brother or sister, & she came a little later (12 years) than any of us expected, but she is a reminder to him that in my mind he is still like her & will always be my baby! Re-read 'I'll love you forever' & try not to cry, we'll all get through this!! I look forward to hearing more from you!
Angela |
| posted by Angela on 09/17/2008 11:45 PM
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This statement will be a bit controversial, but remember it is my opinion based on my experience as a teen and with teens at home: Teens who are given "breathing room" without parental checks on behavior are very likely to succumb to temptation in one area or another, and those parents end up feeling like they should have had more control over their teens.
You can't protect them from all temptation and you can't make all their decisions for them, but letting go in very small increments and following up on them, AND being willing to pull them back in under your control if they don't seem ready to handle something, seems far more effective to me. And each child is different: my daughter is ready for some responsibilities at 12 that my son wasn't ready for until he was 14. It's all about what is ideal for each child, not each age. |
| posted by Kelly on 09/19/2008 12:10 PM
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Hello sanya.
how are you doing? my older son is 14 and he has his own way of thinking but i try to give him some space but still ask what's going on in school and with his friend's i think you are doing a great job well take care oh my name is spell sonya bye. |
| posted by Sonya on 09/20/2008 12:56 AM
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Sanya, you are doing OK!, I too, have a 16 year old boy and a 6 year old girl. My son is also an honor roll student, and YES, his father and I do have "reigns" on him. But, we also give him a little freedom. From experience, if we give him too much, he begins to think he is the law and the boss. He is allowed to sleep over one night out starting Friday, but, he must return by mid day the following day and sleep home at night.
Kids are funny. This is an awkward age for them, and they are still trying to find themselves.
You are not alone. You have a great day! |
| posted by esther on 09/20/2008 01:16 AM
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| miss sanya,i have a teenage daughter a boy,they keep you on your toes,dont they?what i try to do is alot of compromising.i let her go to her friends homes,if i know the parents,and if they will be there! i encourage her to have lots of friends over.that way i know whats going on and shes happy too.i dont allow the boys yet.shes too young.but i leave it open for her to tell me who she has a crush on.she that way im informed.maybe try a few of these things |
| posted by amanda on 10/30/2008 01:47 PM
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Sanya,
I, too, have a 14 year old son and a 6 year old daughter. My opinion....take it for whatever it is worth to you. I have "reigns" on my son but I also have him very involved in the positive things - he is very active, by choice, in his youth group, is a leader in Campus Life, and sports. We aren't gone every night and he is not allowed to "hang out" in town but he is more than welcomed to have his friends over at our house. He is allowed to go to friends houses as long as I have met the parents and know where they live.
I have a good kid. We have a very close relationship.
Sounds like you are doing just fine.
Keep the faith. |
| posted by Charity on 10/31/2008 02:37 AM
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| Thank you all so much for your words of encouragement! I know that I am not alone in my quest to raise decent human beings. I am encouraged that some of you have said that you only allow your kids to do things at their friends houses if you have met their parents. I do the same, and am suspicious if he gets defensive when I remind him of that rule. My latest challenge has been the recent discovery of girls and his non-stop texting of one particular girl I have not met nor have I met her parents. I just try to drop in words of wisdom in regular conversations hoping something may sink in eventually! |
| posted by Sanya on 11/02/2008 01:49 PM
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