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| Parents of 'Difficult' Children |
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| My daughter Danielle is 2-1/2. Up until about 1-1/2 months ago, she was at home with me while I worked from home. I recently started a new job and put her in a local preschool. Apparently, she is not doing well. It is a preschool for kids ages 2 to 5, or pre-K. At first, they had the children all together during the day. She was having problems with not listening, throwing tantrums, not wanting to take a nap, etc. (She stopped napping every single day a while ago). I was told that they would be going back to their old way of doing things which was putting the kids in separate classrooms by age, the 2's in one room, 3's in another, etc. They were fairly certain that she would do much better with more structure. (I suspected that it was the structure she may have been bucking up against). A few weeks ago, this change took place, and at first it went very well. The past few days, though, she has been having problems. Yesterday, she threw a few tantrums. I knew we were off to a bad start first thing this morning when I was dropping her off and she didn't want to go into the room where the other children were playing. Sure enough, when I went to pick her up today, her teacher tells me that she is still having problems. She threw tantrums, tried to hit and kick the teacher, and was jumping off of chairs, and is starting to have a negative impact on other children. An "incident report" was written up that I had to sign. She is now on "probation" for one week, and they are having a CDS worker come in to do an "intervention". They told me they would help me find another place for her if necessary, although I don't know who else is going to take a child who is labeled as "difficult". (I have a big problem with labels anyway). She had asked me for suggestions. I told her that when she acts up at home and will not listen, that all I can do is put her in her room for a timeout. I don't know what else to suggest. I'm not there at the preschool. I'm not defending her trying to hit and kick, certainly, and that is a big problem. But every book I have read so far says that behaviors like these are not uncommon for a child her age, that they see the world as an extension of their wants and needs, and have difficulty controlling their emotional impulses. I was too upset to talk to the teacher about it today. I thought I was going to burst into tears on the spot. (I have been crying most of the night, and as I write this, I am fighting back tears). I am so far beyond frustrated, I feel like a complete failure. My daughter (the majority of the time) is a sweet, polite girl, and very bright. I am at my wits end. Thank you for listening. |
| Posted by Tina on 08/22/2008 09:03 PM
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| The teacher at the preschool also described Danielle's mood swings, which, as I have read, are also quite typical for children of her age. |
| posted by Tina on 08/22/2008 09:10 PM
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Oh my gosh, you poor thing. I'm not a therapist or anything, but it sounds like your little one is overwhelmed. I read alot of parenting books as well, and acting out, is sometimes a sign of stress. How many kids are in her class? Maybe she would do better at a day care or preschool that have less children. I have 2 difficult little boys and when I started working full time and leaving them in daycare they did not do well either. They were hitting and biting and just a nightmare. My child care provider actually gave a two week notice! But I started really researching local day cares and found a woman who understood my situation. When her two kids were little, they acted very similar. She knew how to handle my boys. She only had 2 other kids at the time and had the patience of a saint. That was a year and a half ago, and we're happy to say she is still watching my boys. Sometimes it's the wrong fit. My boys never would have been able to go to large pre-school. By the way, within a couple of months, the biting and hitting stopped. Try not to get discouraged, Danielle sounds perfectly normal to me! I just realized you posted this in august- well, hopefully all is resolved. |
| posted by sharon on 02/20/2009 06:00 PM
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Thank you so much for your response....
Well, things did get much better for Danielle. They didn't actually have someone come in to observe her because soon after this happened, she started doing much better, and she went on to do very well.
About 3 weeks or so ago, she was moved into the 3-year-old class. At first, things went very well, but the past week, they told me that she has reverted back to having problems that she was having before, sort of, just not wanting to do what the class is doing. There are 4 or 5 other kids in her class, so it's not too large. Yesterday, they told me they want to have someone come in and just observe and offer suggestions, that perhaps an observer can point out things that they are not seeing, which does make sense.
I'm sensing now that Danielle may just need a little extra time to adjust to new situations. It's the same school, but it is a new class. She already has come a long way from when she first started. And I know she really likes it there...she loves to talk about her teachers and the other kids in her class, her "friends".  I will keep you posted. |
| posted by Tina on 05/22/2009 09:02 PM
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