|
|
|
|
|
|
 |
|
|
|
|
| Step Families / Blended Families |
| Public online group |
|
|
| |
|
|
| How do I deal with a teen SD who feels the rules at her Mom's house (where she lives) should be the same as the rules at her Dad's house? Her mother allows her to do things that her Dad (my husband) and I feel are not appropriate for her age of almost 15. Her mom drops her off at the movie theater or roller skating rink to hang out with her friends (mostly guys) and then the mom goes shopping instead of staying with them. Her mother also allows her to have boy/girl sleep-overs at her house, her mom says that as long as the sleep-over is well chaperoned it is okay. My SD has been pressuring us to let her do some of these things while she is with us. When we tell her no she gets mad and says her mom let's her do it at her house so we should let her at our house. She even threatens to "never come over again" if we don't let her. I tell her "it's your choice if you don't want to come over again but you are not allowed to ..... at our house". She doesn't like that answer but she gets the point. No matter how often we tell her no she still keeps badgering us. She also keeps after us to get such things as digital cable, which she has at her Mom's house but we can't afford it. Sometimes she tells us she won't come over until we get cable because she doesn't want to miss her cable shows. I know teens are moody, self-centered and damanding but when is enough enough? How do we handle it when she gets like this? She seldom wants to do anything with us and spends most of her time that she is with us alone in her room watching t.v. with the door closed. |
| Posted by Cheryl on 05/26/2007 12:42 PM
|
|
|
|
| |
|
|
| I can totally relate to your situation! My 13yr old SD does the same thing. Her mom lets her do just about anything she wants and therefore she thinks she is grown and can do whatever she wants, whenever she wants. Because my husband and I do not let her do the things her mother lets her do, my SD has not been to our home for about a month and she has not called. This hurts my husband but we just can not see ourselves letting her do the things and get away with the things her mother lets her do. I would say to you stand your ground and do not bend the rules to match those at her mother's house. I hope they soon will understand that we don't want to make their lives miserable but instead want what is best for them. Hang in there! |
| posted by Tiffany on 05/29/2007 09:42 AM
|
|
|
|
|
| Tiffany, thank you for the encouraging words. We are sticking to our guns on this. Recently my SD used our phone to make 32 calls to her friends (mostly guys) when she was supposed to be babysitting her little brother (her Dad and I were working). She also went on the Internet to access a MySpace acct. we didn't know she had (her Mom doesn't have Internet, SD said she opened the acct. at a friend's house). She is not allowed to have a MySpace or make phone calls at our house. I was not happy when I found this out and confronted her. I told her that she was grounded from the phone and not allowed the Internet unless we permitted it. (I have since locked-out all the children from the Internet. They have to ask an adult for permission to use it now). SD got very mad and threatened to not come over again. The next time she came over we had a family meeting. We told her MySpace was still not allowed at our house but that she could use the phone w/restrictions. She has to earn her phone time by helping out around the house (something she hates to do). She can earn up to three 15 minute blocks of phone time a day, we must know who she is talking to and their phone #. We haven't decided yet if she will be allowed to use the phone in her room w/door closed (her wish), in her room w/door open (compromise), or in the family common areas (our wish). Also, no helping out means no phone and if she gives us bad attitude she looses an earned block until she shows us she deserves to get it back. Funny thing is that since she found out she has to earn her phone time she has not asked to use the phone! Imagine that! |
| posted by Cheryl on 05/31/2007 07:33 AM
|
|
|
|
|
| Good job sticking with it and setting boundaries/limits Cheryl! You have given me some ideas regarding phone usage! My SD talks on the phone (including her cell that her mom purchased) all the time. She is allowed to be on the phone at all times of the night at her mom's but not at our house. I discovered one night she snuck on the phone while I was asleep. It is very difficult to set limits for a child on the weekends or breaks or whatever when they are so use to not having them on a daily basis. |
| posted by Tiffany on 05/31/2007 08:08 AM
|
|
|
|
|
| I totally agree! SD has been pressuring me to get her a cell phone for years but I don't believe she needs one right now. Maybe when she starts driving or hanging out w/friends who drive. She had a cell a couple years ago, her aunt bought it for her against her mother's wishes. It didn't take long for her mother to take it away from her for having a text message on it from a boy. Now she has a cell (given to her by a guy friend) that supposedly has no time or service on it. SD says she uses it for the sleep alarm and to play games. I don't believe her. She has it on her constantly (even sleeps with it at night) and recently I checked it out when she didn't know and discovered that she had three outgoing calls on it from our house. I found out the phone's service is thru Sprint and although no calls can be made or recieved directly, you can make calls to registered areas using a credit card, special pin number (gotten from Sprint's website), or by calling collect (I tried making a collect call but was out of the registered area). The next day I heard a sound coming from the pocket of her sweatshirt. I asked her if it was the cell she supposedly has no service or minutes on. Her reply was that the phone sometimes makes weird noises, she didn't know why. I didn't question her about it at that time because we were in NY visiting family and knew if I confronted her or asked to see the phone she would totally flip and ruin the family visit for everyone. That same weekend my neice saw SD walking with her cousin and my neice swears it looked like SD was talking on a cell phone. She keeps telling us and her mother the phone has no service or minutes but I am very suspicious. If she can somehow make calls from the phone that means she is lying to us and her mother, again. I want to ask her about this and see the phone but I don't know how to approach her on this. I know it will cause her to have a major melt-down and I wonder if it would be worth it. But I hate when she lies to us! |
| posted by Cheryl on 05/31/2007 09:17 AM
|
|
|
|
| |
| |
|
|
|
| |  |
| |
|
|
|
