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so the other day, i had to go into work and i left my mother in charge of my daughter, and it was her first time watching her by herself for more than a couple hours......So, I got home and my daughter was in her crib, and when i took her out i noticed a bump and a red spot on her forehead, i though it was just an irration, then finally my mom confessed....She had taken Chloe to my grandmothers, she had her in her carseat, but had already undone her restaints, but the carseat was sitting in a chair facing forward. She said she had to turn for just a quick second, this knowing full well she was unbuckled and that she is a very active baby who likes to sit up all on her own. So, she turned and Chloe had sat up and the carseat was falling to the floor with her in it!!! Luckily my mom caught her fall, but she still hit her head on the car seat.....I know it could have been worse, but i'm still very upset with her, and shes acting like i'm making too big a deal out of it! Does anyone think i have the right to be upset? And is it wrong of me to tell her that i don't want her to watch Chloe by herself for long periods of time?.....I was so worried that i almost called and quit my part time job, unfortunately we really need the money......Sorry, i don't mean to babble on.......
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| Posted by Katelyn on 05/25/2007 10:24 AM
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I think that as a responsible mother, you have the right to be upset with anyone who seems to be careless with your baby, even if it's your own mom. Don't feel guilty about it - instead, feel proud of yourself that you care so much about your baby.
That being said, everyone makes mistakes and has accidents, and Chloe will get hurt, even when she's with you sometimes. The thing that concerns me about your mom is that she tells you you're making a big deal instead of being apologetic and admitting she was careless and assuring you she won't do it again. That behavior would make me feel reluctant to leave her with your mom again.
I had a similar situation with my mom. I left my 5 month old son with her for a few hours. When I came back to get him, my mom had him sleeping on the couch with no pillows or anything around him and she left him there to go open the door for me and she stood there for 10 minutes chatting. When I finally walked in and noticed him unattended (I had assumed he was strapped into a bouncy chair or some other safe location) I flipped out because he could have easily rolled off the couch and hit his head.
Now, I don't want to leave him with my mom because she is careless. It's really hard because she keeps asking me to leave him there so she can spend time with him, but her whole attitude about child safety is much more lax than mine and I fear for him. My older sister told me that when I was an infant, she can remember that I rolled off beds and couches a few times when mom walked away for a moment, so I know this is a general attitude, not an isolated incident.
I guess you should ask yourself if you think this is a general carelessness, or just an isolated incident when deciding what to do next. |
| posted by Elizabeth on 05/25/2007 10:57 AM
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Katelyn, I agree with Elizabeth. You have the right to be upset with anyone where your child is concerned. Your mother's defensive reaction may have been because she was embarrassed or felt bad. Be sure that when you talk to her about it you let her know that you don't think she's a bad caregiver, you just want her to focus more on safety.
If after talking with your mother about it you still don't feel comfortable, try to make other arrangements. Is there anyone else you can leave Chloe with? Can you change your hours at work so you can leave her with your mom for only a short time and then your husband can pick her up? |
| posted by Marcia on 05/25/2007 12:22 PM
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I agree with your reaction...it is really scary to think that something would happen to our little angels, at the same time, I also agree with your mom, nothing really happened to Chloe. It was an accident. I am sure your mom loves your baby and didn't mean to endanger her.
I am a working mom too, full-time, my mom takes care of my baby and it pains me to leave him while I go to work, but we need the money too. The only thing that makes me feel better is to know that my mom is taking care of him...I know she loves him and would do her best to keep him safe just like I would; I know she is not me, and that accidents will happen to my son regardless of who is taking care of him.
I would never prefer to take him to a stranger...I don't care how many credentials he/she/it is carrying none of them is motherly love...unless your mother has some kind of disability (which you don't mention), are you sure you would feel better taking your daughter to a stranger over your mom? |
| posted by sonia on 05/25/2007 04:07 PM
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Katelyn, It must be hard to go to work and leave Chloe.
I have left my son a couple times with my mother. What I have kept in mind is - she has differnt ways of doing things then I do. That doesn't mean that she is doing anything worng. Kyle, my son, was left in her care one night and I picked him up in the morning to find that she was co-sleeping with him, with lots of pillows and blankets all around him. I expressed my concern with my mother and she didn't do it again.
The other thing that I kept in mind was my mom did a great job raising me - yes, a couple times I fell and got hurt, but what kid doesn't. She was there to make sure that I was OK. Your mom may have done the same thing. If she felt that she needed medical attention she would have gotten it for her when the car seat hit Chloe in the head.
Talk to your mom. I am almost sure that she feels really bad about what happened and will be more careful. |
| posted by Jillian on 05/25/2007 05:28 PM
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| your 100% right you have every right to be upset. i had a similar issues with my mother in law she took my son in the pool without me and he hit his head on the wall i told her that while i know she raised 2 kids and she is fully capable of watching christopher i have certain rules and if i cant depend on her to follow those rules as much as i love and respect her she would not be allowed to watch him anymore i explained to her that i am nervous about certain things and i would prefer that i be with them if she wants to take him out of the house and after the conversation she apologized and i never had a problem again |
| posted by amber on 05/25/2007 09:02 PM
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| thanks for all the input....i definately don't think she'll do it again...it just worries me that she nevers want to take care of Chloe by herself, she says she can, but yet everytime she is suppossed to watch her alone, she has my sister in law help her or takes her to a relatives house....i guess thats the only thing that kind of bothers me |
| posted by Katelyn on 05/25/2007 10:26 PM
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| Hi, Katelyn. Wow. I'm so so glad that your daughter is okay and that it wasn't any worse! My heart jumped when I read what happened. I think that our mothers and grandmothers are sort of "stuck" in how they did things when they reared us; however your mother should genuinely listen to your concerns about taking her to other places where she may become distracted from Chloe's safety or about watching her alone for long periods of time, etc. I think it was a huge deal that your mom was honest and straightforward about what happened. Some moms wouldn't have been so forthcoming with their negligence. I think you just need to get all your concerns out on the table with your mom in a supportive, loving manner. You know the kind of care and attention your child needs, no matter how many children the person watching them has raised themselves. This is YOUR daughter. What does your husband think? In no way should you feel guilty about your fears. Have faith and keep communication open with your mom about how you feel, but give her another chance. I'll bet she'll be tons more careful. And if she's nonchalant or flippant about your feelings, then it's time to put up some boundaries. |
| posted by Kelly on 05/29/2007 02:59 PM
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