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| Step Families / Blended Families |
| Public online group |
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| How do you deal with these things on an everyday basis? Do you have residential custody, 50/50, non-custodial, or other? Do you have any secrets or tips for us other parents? Do you communicate through step-parents? Do you feel step-parent should have a "say so" in decisions? |
| Posted by Tonya on 02/04/2007 12:12 AM
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| I am a mother with residential custody of my own three bio children and my DH (darling hubby) has 100% physical custody of his daughter. In each situation I feel we need to handle things differently. For my children I thingk the best thing to do would be have an open line of communication between houses. Although that currently is not our method, we operate on the parallel parenting concept due to the other house refusing communication. My step-daughter's mother is not in a good place right now so we have very little communication with her. I think in most reasonable situations step-parent opinions do matter in the day to day situations but in the end the bio parents have the ultimate responsibility to their children. In my situation with my step-daughter I make all of the parent decisions and that works for us right now. |
| posted by Tonya on 02/04/2007 12:18 AM
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| I come across this dillema often & find it somewhat unfair. I am helping my husband raise his daughter which I love like she was my own, but I get easily discouraged when her mom (not really involved) has communication with her & it seems like I have to start our bonding all over. We live out of state so she only visits a couple of weeks throught out the summer time, I guess my opinion is Yes! definantly parents should have a say so if they are physically & emotionally more involed with the child than the biological parent. |
| posted by Coryna on 02/07/2007 11:54 AM
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| I really feel that yes step parents opions should matter. In my life when my husband asked me to merry him the fact that he had a child had to way on my decision. He put it out there that he wanted my help in raising is daughter, which i responded with the idea then that i was to be treated as an equal in the parenting role. He has sole custody of his daughter and her mother has not been a part of her life since she was 5 and a half (at her own choice). Being a step parent has been really really hard for me. I have tried and tried to bond with her and to get her to be ok with me but in all honesty she has never been ok with her dad getting married and well once we started to have other kids that just really drove a huge wedge in our house. I am the one who stays at home and runs this house so I had to step up and take charge over it which has caused issues and fights but I cannot let my three little ones grow up to see me as a push over or learn to manipulate me or my husband the way she has tried. So comfortable with it or not i've had to make sure that my husband new that the decisions I make are just as important to be followed and respected. Just because you are a step parent does not mean that your opinion is less important. You should have the same goal in mind as far as what is best for the child and your spouse should always back you up (even if they do not agree, they can express that to you in private). I think a lot of people forget is that you only have so much time to raise your kids and to do the best you can so the more of you who are working together to reach that goal the more likely you will. |
| posted by Jennifer on 02/15/2007 05:29 PM
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| Jennifer your reply really made me think and I agree with you. My husband's daughter does not live with us but comes over on weekends along with her 1/2 brother that is not biologically my husbands but he claims him anyway. Typically when the kids come over my husband is not home for long (he works 2nd shift) and I am left to my own devices. My stepdaughter is entering teen years and in my opinion is "sneaky" about boys and other things I feel she may be exposed to or involved with. The boy is 9 and tends not to listen and is very active. This situation has been very very difficult for me because my husband is not home and their mother most of the time has a problem with me. I have a 5 month daughter and I do not want her to pick up on their negative behaviors. I plan to discipline her in other waysthen the way her sibling(s) are being raised. I often simply just don't know what to do. When I talk with my husband about issues he should discuss with the children or discipline suggestions, he tells me I can do those things in his absence but it is not that simple. I don't think he understands what I am going through and how hard it is for me. |
| posted by Tiffany on 02/16/2007 09:12 AM
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