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Hi Jennifer and All :o)
Thank you for the nice welcome to this group... I love to write so my posts are often long.
On the topic of dealing with "difficult" or serious others, my first thought is always first to be gentle with ourselves. Take a deep breath and know we're doing the best we can in any given moment.
Next, I focus on what is going on inside when we feel irritated with another who we are finding difficult. I definitely do believe that our children are masters at finding fun and staying rooted in the present moment... it is likely that many adults around would not see that at first glance... or the value, but everyone has the ability, if they so choose.
So when it comes to the seriousness of adults, it really helps me to remember a few things about us "grown-ups" (whatever that term means ;o)...
As children, we were often taught/led to conform and not express emotion. Unexpressed emotion collects and creates some baggage that ends up playing out in irritation and negativity. There are many people who, when they take an honest observation of their thought patterns, will notice that they have a tendency towards negativity. This is a tangling of the not fully felt emotions and the specific society's ideas about what is right and wrong, good and bad, etc.
Just coming to know this can help ease tension. To meet society's expectations in some aspects is necessary for safety, etc., but it is good to realize that the expectations are based on really old dogma or because somebody at one point said so. Does that mean the societal norms are bad or wrong? Of course not. At the same time, when we find ourselves or others getting irritated it is because of some imbalance within that is attributed to either unfelt emotion or a strict adherence to an expectation.
Loosening the adherence by stepping back to see if there's more to the situation and finding ways to be with emotions can help immensely. I like to start with breathing. :o) It's interesting to see how the body tenses up when irritation or frustration sets in. Sometimes just breathing deeply can make a big difference. Then there are techniques like meditation, focusing, and EFT that can be a big help, too.
Personally, I hold true to my heart that I live my life from joy and peace. I have been through enough to know that this is my choice, and anyone can do the same if they choose. However, that doesn't mean I want or need them to. I just hold the intention that they can have that if they want to...
I am coming out of a divorce and it was not widely accepted by others that I was making positive transformations. This is common. We always hear about people wanting us to stay the same because if we change it upsets that status quo. Of course. However, we have the right to grow if we want to! And it doesn't have to hurt anyone else, unless they let it...
There's something going on with our planet and the people. We're becoming more aware that we have a choice of how to experience our lives. It can be a process to figure it all out, but for those of us who have children, we really have some of the best teachers available - if we let ourselves tune into them.
We are the parent guides schooling them in the art of meeting society's expectations while being true to ourselves and our children can be the joy and presence reminder guides ;o).
When I realized the full value of reaching for joy and living each moment as if it is the only I have... my life transformed greatly... it takes a bit, though, so I'd say go back to the top and take the gentle reminder again if necessary!
I'd love to continue the conversation and if you need clarity, please ask :o)
Warmly,
Amy |
| Posted by Amy on 08/11/2008 03:20 AM
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