 |
|
|
|
| First Time Moms |
| Public online group |
|
|
| |
|
|
Hello, my name is Amy and I had my daughter on July 11, 2008. So, she a little over a month old right now. From the start, I had problems with breastfeeding her. Along with other hurtles, she would just not latch on. I tried for a week and a half and finally had to stop trying to get her to latch on for my sanity as a mom. So, ever since my milk has come in, I have been pumping and giving her breast milk in a bottle. So, feeding is a little longer now. Bottle, burping, either getting back to sleep or in the bouncy seat or swing, and pumping. Plus, I have to pump a few extra times during the day so that my milk supply will stay up to keep up with her. I haven't really minded pumping though. I don't think it will last very long, but she'll at least get breast milk for the first two months of her life. However, a lot of people have made me feel quite guilty about even considering giving her formula. I have actually had someone tell me that if I do go to formula then my daughter will be getting no nutritional value what so ever. So, being a first time mom, I can't get that out of my head because I just want to do what is best for my daughter and give her the best start in life possible. I was strictly formula feed and my mom never even considered breast feeding at all and I am fine and healthy. So, I know that comment wasn't true, I just can't seem to get it out of my head right now.
My other struggle right now is that she never seems to be content when she is awake. Everyone keeps telling me that if they're feed and awake then they should be content. And it just seems like she's never happy when she is awake. It could be that I have had a bad day and it just seems to be amplified right now, but I keep feeling like I'm doing something wrong and that I'm a bad mother because she can't just sit in her swing or bouncy and be content. Is this normal for the first couple of months for a newborn? And if so, does it ever get better? Does it ever get to a point where they can sit and entertain themselves for a little bit or be entertained by toys hanging in front of them? I know things are also amplified since I'm a stay at home mom now and my husband has a bit of an odd working schedule. He is a fire fighter, so he works a 24 hour shift and then has 72 hours off. And these feelings have come up during his 24 hour shift, the first one that I haven't had my mom or dad here helping me with the baby. So, this is the first time I've been here by myself for his 24 hour shift. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to cope with her fussy times when she is awake? |
| Posted by Amy on 08/10/2008 07:45 PM
|
|
|
|
| |
|
|
Bless your heart!! Well as far as the breast feeding, it is not for everyone. I never breast feed, it just did not appeal to me AT ALL. The thought actually sent chills up my spine. Don't know why. But my son, 9 months, is just fine and healthy. He is in the 97th percentile, and has never been sick, and shows no alergies to any foods. I know what you mean about feeling guilty though. I really felt bad at times, but again when I started thinking about it, it just seemed so unpleasent to me. Not giving your kid breast milk does not have anything at all to do with how much you love them, how good of a mother you are, or how well you are providing. Hope that helps.
With the fussy issue, I was really blessed with a very happy and content baby, so the only thing I can tell you to try is to try formula and a little more maybe. How much is she drinking? At a month old my son was drinking 4 to 4 1/2 oz. But he was a big boy. 9 lb. 3 weeks early. But when he did get fussy it was always because he was hungry. Another thing you may try is Mylicon (spelling). I don't know if you are giving this, but it is for gas, and it works wonders. Another is my son could not drink regular formula, he had to go to Similac Sensitive. Easier to digest, he was very very gassy. Another thought that just entered my mind is try one of those bears or CDs or something that makes the heart sound. As far as how you feel. It will get better. A lot of it may be your hormones right now. With your hormones things should be back more normal in a couple of months. You may not feel like things are your hormones, but some of it is. I cried so much at first and kept feeling like I was scared to death to be alone with him. My mom stayed with me for 3 weeks after so my husband did not have to take off work, and I was kind of like what do I do with this thing when she left. Also, if you have not already, try pacifiers and different ones. You may find only one kind that she likes. Good luck and keep me posted if there is any way I can help I will be more than happy to, and I hope I may have helped some. |
| posted by Kim on 08/11/2008 03:05 AM
|
|
|
|
|
Amy, I understand the pressure to breastfeed. I did it for two months and was miserable the whole time. I loved feeding him and the bonding, but it hurt so much. I even went to see a lactation consultant 2 or 3 times, the latch was good, position was good- but it still hurt. I felt like such a failure. I cried for days when I quit, but I just couldn't take the pain anymore. After about a week I healed, my son was sleeping through the night and I couldn't have been happier. He was thriving on formula. I finally got past the guilt and realized that I did my best and that he was going to be fine. I was formula fed too, and I was also fine.
The trick is to learn to let comments roll off your back. I know it is not easy, and I still am bothered when I hear things sometimes. But everyone has an opinion, so no matter what you do, someone will find something wrong with it. Try to have faith that you are a good mother and that you know what is best for your baby.
As for the fussy issue, remember that all babies are different, so it is simply untrue that if a baby is fed and awake she should be content. Maybe she is gassy, or just needs some love. She will get to the point of being able to entertain herself, but you have to help her, and you have to give her time. She is so young, it's hard to entertain yourself when you can't even lift your head or reach for a toy.
Bring her from room to room with you and sing or play peek a boo with her while you do other things. sit her next to you in her bouncy or swing and gently rock her or talk to you when you are sitting. You could also consider a sling. That way you have her with you and she is content while you have your hands free to do other things. Don't worry- you can't spoil a baby this young.
As she learns to lift her head and is more aware of the things around her, put a toy in front of her or place her where she can look out a window or at anything going on, and give her a minute or two to try to entertain herself. Point out some interesting things, then let her watch alone (not 'alone' but without you interacting, and maybe move out of her sight and see how she does). Gradually increase the time you leave her to entertain herself, and as she grows and becomes a little mobile, it will get easier.
Do you get a little time to yourself when your husband is home? That can help a lot. Even if it's just to take a long shower or nap or read for a little while. Try to do that once in a while, you'll feel refreshed, even if you only take 30 minutes. |
| posted by Marcia on 08/11/2008 07:17 AM
|
|
|
|
|
Thank you for the advice. I do need to figure out a way to let things roll off my back as far as what other people think. I know that they wouldn't be selling formula if it didn't provide anything for babies. I just wish that other people would think of what goes through a new mothers mind before they decide to speak their mind to you, especially since my hormones haven't completely gone back to normal. But they are better, I remember crying all the time the first week or two.
As far as how much she is eating, she is up to 4 ozs of breast milk per feeding. Occasionally, she seems more hungry, so I will give her a little bit of formula after the breast milk. So, she could get up to 6 ozs at one of her feedings, but she usually stops at 5. Then there are other times that she'll only eat 3 to 3 1/2 ozs. So, I think that the 4 ozs are working right now. I am in contact with a lactation consultant and I think she's a little nuts because she told me that no matter how old she is, she should never get more than 5 ozs of breast milk at a time. I can't see how that would work since she's already up to 4 ozs and she's only a month old. Right now, I'm shooting for pumping until she's 6 weeks old. Then I have some milk in the freezer that I can mix with formula for about 2 weeks for her feedings. Then she'll get breast milk for the first 2 months of her life. But I'm not opposed to doing it until she's 10 weeks old if my milk will stay up. Then, she'll get breast milk for the first 3 months. That is where I would stop that though. It's one thing to breast feed and be attached to your baby all the time, but I'm attached to a pump. So I have to be around an electrical outlet all the time and it's a little less I guess accepted to be pumping in public than to be feeding a baby. Then I have to be able to refrigerate the milk I pump.
Thank you for the suggestion about the gas medicine. My mom actually got that for me for my shower and I hadn't tried it until yesterday, so hopefully that will work when she is fussy because she can be difficult to burp sometimes. There are times that she just refuses to burp after her feedings. |
| posted by Amy on 08/11/2008 08:51 AM
|
|
|
|
|
| oh boy, you sounded just like me. My mom passed away years ago and I never felt like I needed her more than when my daughter was born. MY baby was formula adn bottle fed the first 3 weeks of her life and then I stopped cause it got too hard on me wondering if she had enough and with the bottle I could see that she had 2 or 3 ounces and that made it much easier on me. plus I never liked pumping so I gave her the bottle and did not do it in public, too much for me. She has been on Enfamil which is so close to breastmilk and doing great, she is 5 months old now. Breannah liked to be swaddled alot the first month or so or she liked to be held close to me or my hubby. she ate quite often and slept even more. I know it came be overwhelming and feel like your not doing good by her (i have even been there myself) but trust yourself and know that you are doing just fine and she will be just fine too. Anytime she was in her bouncer I had her wrapped up like a burrito and she did ok with that. I hope I helped some... |
| posted by Angie on 08/11/2008 11:34 AM
|
|
|
|
|
| oh yea, the mylicon really helped my baby too, that sruff is great and can be given after every feeding. |
| posted by Angie on 08/11/2008 11:39 AM
|
|
|
|
|
| Hey Amy, I am/was having the same issues. My daughter was born on June 30th. I am breastfeeding. It's rough because she likes to eat every 2 1/2 hours. I am at home by myself during the day. My mom was here to help out for three weeks and the first day she was gone I was a wreck. I just couldn't understand this cycle of eating, sleeping and whatever else she's in the mood for. When my daughter is not eating or sleeping, she was crying and I felt guilty for not knowing what to do. But I had to remember to think of physiological needs first before I thought about whether or not she was "content". I would think that she is always crying so it must be that I "SUCK" at being a mom. But it wasn't - she was just hungry. I wasn't feeding her as long as I should have been. She was gaining weight and everything but I really wasn't paying attention to her cues. So I agree with the other moms who have replied - try feeding her a little more and see if it calms her down. Don't even worry about giving her formula. I gave my daughter formula after I breastfed her in the hospital and the first two nights she was home because my milk hadn't come in. Believe me, I beat myself up for it but my friend, who is a lactation consultant, reassured me that giving your child formula because she is hungry doesn't make you a bad mother. Like you, I'm thinking - ugh...does this get better? Everyone says it will. I hope so too. |
| posted by Laarni on 08/11/2008 04:44 PM
|
|
|
|
|
Hi Amy,
Welcome to mommy hood. I didn't read your whole post but I am familiar with the struggles you are going through especially with people making you feel guilty about YOUR DECISIONS. That is just what they are, your decisions!!! Don't allow anyone to deter you from doing what you believe is the best for you and her. That's the only way you'll be able to cope everyday and night. I breastfeed Jacob until he was about 2 months (that's when I went back to work. I never got any milk from pumping). We gave Jacob Good Start and then switched him to a Soy based formula. He's 1 yr old now and healthy as ever!!!!
Now about having a happy baby. Honey let me tell you, Jacob had killer colic-cry! There were times when he would cry and cry and cry and I had no clue as to why. He was just fed, changed, I'm holding him. I mean what could it be? That's when I found out about colic-cry and his doctor told me it would end by the 4th month or so. He's been the best ever since! Except those times when he's just being plain ole bratty! LOLOL
My husband works an odd schedule as well: 3pm - 11pm and it takes him 2 hrs to get home, so it was just me and Jacob all day. My mom and dad lives another state over and my other relatives are in other states also so its been just us.
You are doing fine! Your daughter is fed, she's clothed and she has you. You are doing a great job. In the next few months you'll be on this site reading other new mom posts asking these questions and you'll smile because you made it through and you'll be capable of giving advice. Trust me, things will get better!! |
| posted by Eva on 08/12/2008 10:13 AM
|
|
|
|
|
I had the same issues with breastfeeding. Don't worry, your girl will be fine. i only nursed for about 6 weeks and my girl is 2 now and is a hefty 35 lbs and has not been sick once (except for the occasional cold).
as far as being fussy, my girl was like that too and we tried switching her from milk based formula to isomil and that made it EXTREMELY better. she was so content after that. |
| posted by Katie on 08/15/2008 03:11 PM
|
|
|
|
|
Ok, I'm ready for spears to be hurled at me...but you asked for opinions and here's mine (as a physician and mom).
Breast milk is the absolute best food for your baby. I'm not disagreeing that formula fed babies are not, or cannot be healthy. But study, after study, after study clearly shows that breastmilk is best for human babies. It is the sole reason we lactate and have breasts as females. There are immune components, hormones, vitamins and minerals in breastmilk that cannot ever, ever be duplicated in formula.
A quick case in point: the formula companies just found out a couple of years ago that DHA was an important component abundant in breastmilk, but terribly lacking in formula. The solution: add DHA to formula. DHA is an essential fatty acid; an omega-3 fatty acid found in cold water fish, like salmon. The reason it is essential is because the body cannot make it on it's own, so it must come from an outside source. DHA is essential for proper brain development (as the brain is over 60% fat), and is also the fatty substance called myelin that lines all of the nerves and neurons in the body. My point here is that if DHA (an obviously essential nutrient) was just 'discovered' by the formula companies to be missing, what else is missing from formula that is already included in breastmilk?
Look Amy, I sympathize with your plight. I breastfeed my now 13 month old son. Those first weeks were hell. My husband had to hold my sons arms by his side while I held his body and head just waiting for his mouth to open wide enough to shove onto my nipple...and I do mean shove. After weeks of sore nipples, my son and I finally fell into a rhythm. I think the success of breastfeeding (and I may anger some) really depends on the mother having a mindset that there will be no other option. Before I had my son, I was unsure of the actual act of breastfeeding, not knowing how it would make me feel because for 33 years my breasts were sexual objects. However, even with this kind of thinking, I knew I would exclusively breastfeed because it is the absolute best food for babies. Formula was never an option...at all.
I'm sure you've already done this, but I urge you to go to breastfeeding web sites and web sites touting the beneficial effects of breastmilk. Breastmilk changes in composition as our babies age to fit their nutritional and immunological requirements. This is why the World Health Organization recommends breastfeeding for at least one year, but optimally for 2 years. In most countries in the world (besides the US and Great Britain) babies are breastfed, on average, until they are 4.5 years old. It is just our Western culture that is ready to stop (or never begin) breastfeeding as soon as possible.
I'm like you, I hate pumping breastmilk. It makes me feel like a cow. If there's any way you can stick with it, try to. The pain does go away, and pretty soon your daughter will be able to find your nipple from a mile away. If you think your lactation consultant is crazy, get a new one.
It seems to me that you just may be overwhelmed in general right now. My son was never the type to just sit in a bouncy seat, or swing and be content. He had to be held 24-7. I finally ordered a Moby Wrap (google moby wrap to find out exactly what it is) so I could get things done around the house and go out for walks. This part was probably more frustrating than learning to breastfeed. I couldn't take a shower, brush my hair, or my teeth until my husband came home from work to relieve me. This phase lasted about 3 months. So I can see how, with all of these things going on, you are overwhelmed and ready to throw in the towel in some areas. If you can, keep up the breastfeeding.
If you need any reputable sites to go to regarding breatfeeding, or anything I have written to you, let me know. I'm not trying to make you feel guilty in any way about what decisions you make, but I do want you to have all of the info so you can make an educated decision on behalf of your daughter. Also, try googling 'benefits of formula feeding infants'. Most of the info you will get will be on the convenience to the mother, not the health of the baby.
I can't resist cuting and pasting the following from the FDA:
Breast-Feeding Best Bet for Babies
by Rebecca D. Williams
New parents want to give their babies the very best. When it comes to nutrition, the best first food for babies is breast milk.
More than two decades of research have established that breast milk is perfectly suited to nourish infants and protect them from illness. Breast-fed infants have lower rates of hospital admissions, ear infections, diarrhea, rashes, allergies, and other medical problems than bottle-fed babies.
"There are 4,000 species of mammals, and they all make a different milk. Human milk is made for human infants and it meets all their specific nutrient needs," says Ruth Lawrence, M.D., professor of pediatrics and obstetrics at the University of Rochester School of Medicine in Rochester, N.Y., and spokeswoman for the American Academy of Pediatrics.
The academy recommends that babies be breast-fed for six to 12 months. The only acceptable alternative to breast milk is infant formula. Solid foods can be introduced when the baby is 4 to 6 months old, but a baby should drink breast milk or formula, not cow's milk, for a full year.
"There aren't any rules about when to stop breast-feeding," says Lawrence. "As long as the baby is eating age-appropriate solid foods, a mother may nurse a couple of years if she wishes. A baby needs breast milk for the first year of life, and then as long as desired after that."
In 1993, 55.9 percent of American mothers breast-fed their babies in the hospital. Only 19 percent were still breast-feeding when their babies were 6 months old. Government and private health experts are working to raise those numbers.
The U.S. Food and Drug Administration is conducting a study on infant feeding practices as part of its ongoing goal to improve nutrition in the United States. The study is looking at how long mothers breast-feed and how they introduce formula or other foods.
Health experts say increased breast-feeding rates would save consumers money, spent both on infant formula and in health-care dollars. It could save lives as well.
"We've known for years that the death rates in Third World countries are lower among breast-fed babies," says Lawrence. "Breast-fed babies are healthier and have fewer infections than formula-fed babies."
Human Milk for Human Infants
The primary benefit of breast milk is nutritional. Human milk contains just the right amount of fatty acids, lactose, water, and amino acids for human digestion, brain development, and growth.
Cow's milk contains a different type of protein than breast milk. This is good for calves, but human infants can have difficulty digesting it. Bottle-fed infants tend to be fatter than breast-fed infants, but not necessarily healthier.
Breast-fed babies have fewer illnesses because human milk transfers to the infant a mother's antibodies to disease. About 80 percent of the cells in breast milk are macrophages, cells that kill bacteria, fungi and viruses. Breast-fed babies are protected, in varying degrees, from a number of illnesses, including pneumonia, botulism, bronchitis, staphylococcal infections, influenza, ear infections, and German measles. Furthermore, mothers produce antibodies to whatever disease is present in their environment, making their milk custom-designed to fight the diseases their babies are exposed to as well.
A breast-fed baby's digestive tract contains large amounts of Lactobacillus bifidus, beneficial bacteria that prevent the growth of harmful organisms. Human milk straight from the breast is always sterile, never contaminated by polluted water or dirty bottles, which can also lead to diarrhea in the infant.
Human milk contains at least 100 ingredients not found in formula. No babies are allergic to their mother's milk, although they may have a reaction to something the mother eats. If she eliminates it from her diet, the problem resolves itself.
Sucking at the breast promotes good jaw development as well. It's harder work to get milk out of a breast than a bottle, and the exercise strengthens the jaws and encourages the growth of straight, healthy teeth. The baby at the breast also can control the flow of milk by sucking and stopping. With a bottle, the baby must constantly suck or react to the pressure of the nipple placed in the mouth.
Nursing may have psychological benefits for the infant as well, creating an early attachment between mother and child. At birth, infants see only 12 to 15 inches, the distance between a nursing baby and its mother's face. Studies have found that infants as young as 1 week prefer the smell of their own mother's milk. When nursing pads soaked with breast milk are placed in their cribs, they turn their faces toward the one that smells familiar.
Many psychologists believe the nursing baby enjoys a sense of security from the warmth and presence of the mother, especially when there's skin-to-skin contact during feeding. Parents of bottle-fed babies may be tempted to prop bottles in the baby's mouth, with no human contact during feeding. But a nursing mother must cuddle her infant closely many times during the day. Nursing becomes more than a way to feed a baby; it's a source of warmth and comfort.
Benefits to Mothers
Breast-feeding is good for new mothers as well as for their babies. There are no bottles to sterilize and no formula to buy, measure and mix. It may be easier for a nursing mother to lose the pounds of pregnancy as well, since nursing uses up extra calories. Lactation also stimulates the uterus to contract back to its original size.
A nursing mother is forced to get needed rest. She must sit down, put her feet up,and relax every few hours to nurse. Nursing at night is easy as well. No one has to stumble to the refrigerator for a bottle and warm it while the baby cries. If she's lying down, a mother can doze while she nurses.
Nursing is also nature's contraceptive--although not a very reliable one. Frequent nursing suppresses ovulation, making it less likely for a nursing mother to menstruate, ovulate, or get pregnant. There are no guarantees, however. Mothers who don't want more children right away should use contraception even while nursing. Hormone injections and implants are safe during nursing, as are all barrier methods of birth control. The labeling on birth control pills says if possible another form of contraception should be used until the baby is weaned.
Breast-feeding is economical also. Even though a nursing mother works up a big appetite and consumes extra calories, the extra food for her is less expensive than buying formula for the baby. Nursing saves money while providing the best nourishment possible.
When Formula's Necessary
There are very few medical reasons why a mother shouldn't breast-feed, according to Lawrence.
Most common illnesses, such as colds, flu, skin infections, or diarrhea, cannot be passed through breast milk. In fact, if a mother has an illness, her breast milk will contain antibodies to it that will help protect her baby from those same illnesses.
A few viruses can pass through breast milk, however. HIV, the virus that causes AIDS, is one of them. Women who are HIV positive should not breast-feed.
A few other illnesses--such as herpes, hepatitis, and beta streptococcus infections--can also be transmitted through breast milk. But that doesn't always mean a mother with those diseases shouldn't breast-feed, Lawrence says.
"Each case must be evaluated on an individual basis with the woman's doctor," she says.
Breast cancer is not passed through breast milk. Women who have had breast cancer can usually breast-feed from the unaffected breast. There is some concern that the hormones produced during pregnancy and lactation may trigger a recurrence of cancer, but so far this has not been proven. Studies have shown, however, that breast-feeding a child reduces a woman's chance of developing breast cancer later.
Silicone breast implants usually do not interfere with a woman's ability to nurse, but if the implants leak, there is some concern that the silicone may harm the baby. Some small studies have suggested a link between breast-feeding with implants and later development of problems with the child's esophagus. Further studies are needed in this area. But if a woman with implants wants to breast-feed, she should first discuss the potential benefits and risks with her child's doctor.
-Good luck with what ever you decide to do.
|
| posted by Allison on 08/17/2008 08:40 PM
|
|
|
|
|
Dear Amy,
I can definitely sympathize with your plight. My son was born in Nov 7, 2007, so he is 9 months now (out of the womb for as long as he was in!). We are in such a great place now, (he is such a happy, alert, social little boy and I am much better rested and able to be present and in the moment with my son, really enjoying every minute of it), but the beginning was very difficult for me. I had bled alot during the delivery of the placenta and was very anemic for the first 3-4 months of my son's life. This made me very tired and irritable and I found it hard to enjoy all the demands of my newborn.
In the first few weeks, I would get blisters every once in a while from breastfeeding, but I would persist through the pain and my exhaustion. Eventually we figured it out together. We did not introduce pacifiers or bottles until about 7 weeks of age, so that he would learn to suckle a nipple properly. If given no other options, I think every baby has a natural instinct to learn eventually, especially if they are hungry. Of course, mothers who have inverted nipples or other conditions do have real reasons to resort to formula, but I also agree that nothing can replace breastmilk, either your own or even from a milk bank or donated surplus milk from a trusted friend/other source. Breastmilk is never the same from day to day, because your body adapts to provide what your child needs, whether it be more fats and calories, more antibodies, more water for hydration. It also introduces your child to more flavors (the breastmilk retains some flavors of the foods you eat) and makes your child more easily adapting to a variety of healthy solid foods later (there is nothing my son won't eat now!). In contrast, formula is always the same stuff, with always the same flavor, not adapting to your child's changing needs and not providing them with the extra immunity from the antibodies you have spent your whole life developing. Perhaps different lactation consultants could have different ideas/advice about your specific difficulties. I think you should really try to provide breastmilk at least until 5mo of age, then you can start introducing solids. I don't want to make you feel bad, just offering my feelings about this. The increased immune protection means less chance of your daughter getting sick and being awake and miserable through a few night/days, which means more sleep and rest for you too!
In the beginning, my son was just like you describe your daughter, always irritable or seemingly upset to be in the world instead of content. A short answer of things I found helpful: going on lots of walks using a carrier (rhythmic motion is soothing), singing/playing music, taking warm baths together seemed to help. Remembering you are not a bad mother, that is just the personality of your child...which will certainly change with time! Don't worry!
Long answer of how we evolved into the happy relationship we have now: My son never slept for very long and certainly not through a night. In fact, in the beginning, he only slept while being walked around in a sling, or on my or my husband's chest. This of course, was very exhausting for me, when I was home alone, because all I wanted to do was lie in bed, not walk my son around in a sling that hurt my back. But I did it, because it was the only thing that soothed him. As he got a little older, he would tolerate falling asleep in a swing as well. He never slept in a carseat, forget about a crib, nor all the other things people suggested. (As a side note, we tried the mylicon, but i worried about giving so much of that chemical, and it did not work very well with him anway).
Then as he got a little older, around 3mo, he really started to change. He could sleep on a bed (I had a vibrating back rest and would place a Boppy pillow against it to transfer the vibrations and drape my son over the Boppy so it vibrated his little tummy). And we would crawl into bed next to him later in the evening. This was what we discovered to work, after many trials and errors. But it was a great success to start transitioning him to a real bed. And as he got older, his interest in the world started to outweigh his digestion discomforts during the daytime. He really transitioned to being a super curious, very alert baby and very determined to be mobile. He became very happy seeing the world and exploring it. He was not content to be left in a swing with some toys, he really needed engaged companionship. My husband and I split going on lots of walks with him, which he really loved from about 3mo-8mo. At around 5mo, we got him his own crib mattress and set him up on there initially with the vibrating backrest slightly vibrating the mattress, but now without the Boppy and sleeping on his back. I would still go in to feed/soothe him every time he woke up (still 3-4 times a night), but he has grown much more comfortable sleeping on his own (and without the vibration by 6mo) and the times between wake-ups have really stretched out from 1.5-2hrs between to closer to 4-5hrs now. So my child went from being very demanding about his digestion discomfort, to wanting help to learn about the world and get around it (always wanting to be carried around or help sitting up or help learning to crawl, and now help walking). He was never really content to be left alone with some toys in a swing or otherwise. However, once he learned to crawl at 6mo, he was a much much happier baby, because now he could get to what interested him. Since that big revolution, everything has been wonderful and actually he can be left with some toys to entertain himself for short periods of time (15-20min) while I do something else nearby. We have so much fun during playtime, feeding time, bath time, even going down for nap or bedtime. We feed him 3 meals of solid food and supplement with breastmilk (by bottle or in person, as I'm working) as needed. I really enjoy our bonding during breastfeeding and I find it to be a very pleasurable maternal experience (despite the occasional nip now that he has some teeth). Instead of the back pains, exhaustion and nipple soreness in the beginning.
Just want to encourage you that having a demanding baby in the beginning may just be part of their personality (very determined and very aware about what they want/need). If you give what they need now, they will grow to be more independent, confident toddlers later. Hang in there! There are good times ahead! |
| posted by tamara on 08/19/2008 12:53 AM
|
|
|
|
|
I wanted to add: A Happy Mom is the most important thing of all.
Babies can sense stress and tension, which may also make them upset. So...don't feel guilty about formula...or your baby being cranky...and don't neglect to find time to pamper yourself or even give yourself a mental break for 10 minutes.
When your husband is home for the 72hrs, be sure to take an hour and have a hot bath by yourself with some nice music, or whatever else. I remember feeling like a total failure when I couldn't soothe my baby, after trying more food, more burping, more belly massages, more soothing to try to get him to nap, that I would break down crying and stressed out. Sometimes the baby might just be missing all the perfect comfort of the womb and there is nothing you can do...but they will grow to enjoy the world and you. That first real smile they give you is the most precious reward for all the weeks of endless care, cleaning up all the diapers/burpups and sleepless nights. Look forward to that and try to enjoy your daughter as best you can in the challenging beginning. If you feel you can't, try to call on your husband or friends, so you can step away for even just 10 minutes and take some deep breaths, stretch and return feeling refreshed. Little mental breaks like that, make it much easier to deal with the crying and fussing and not let it wreak emotional havoc on you! Good luck and congratulations! |
| posted by tamara on 08/19/2008 01:05 AM
|
|
|
|
|
Have you tried to BF her again to see if she can latch on? If BFing hurts it is because it is an improper latch, if you want to try it but have trouble just look up a La Leche Leauge near you and call you can either go to the meeting or someone would come to you to try and help....
I BF my daughter is almost 11 months and my son now 13yo BF till he was 13 months. He never did have formula but he drank milk starting at 11 months. My daughter I had to supliment with formula because I was not producing enough (I do now but since I put cereal in her formula she has that every once in a while so daddy can feed her) I look at it for health reasons but more for the bonding experience I see too many moms that just leave the baby in the carrier or stroller and prop up a bottle with whatever is handy and it makes me sad atleast hold the baby, touch them and comfort them.
It is a hard decision and it is something that when you decide don't feel guilty because you are doing what you feel is right.
Good Luck
And the fussy thing well I have a fussy girl at times because she just is very clingy not sure what to say there..... |
| posted by Kristhal on 08/19/2008 10:15 AM
|
|
|
|
|
| I agree 100% with Allison's post...good luck honey - stick with the breastmilk, it's well worth it! :) |
| posted by on 08/20/2008 09:48 PM
|
|
|
|
|
Amy,
I completely understand what you're going through with the breastfeeding issue. When my daughter was born, I was immediately overwhelmed with all the conflicting advice from nurses and lactation consultants in the hospital, and I couldn't get her to stay awake to eat. She was just flat out lazy.
I was going through the same thing you are, going from trying for a limited amount of time trying to get her to eat, then giving her a bottle of expressed breast milk, then pumping for next time... and by the time i got through with that plus cleaning the pump and putting it back together, it was nearly time to start all over again! I've never been so miserable! Your baby's first days should be a happy time, not a nightmare! After only 10 days, I gave up completely.
Some babies, if you want to keep them healthy and keep your sanity at the same time, you just have to give them formula. Yes, breast milk IS suited for them better, but formula has come a long way in a very short time. My parents' generation were raised on karo syrup and powdered carnation milk and they even turned out fine! Now, formula has NEARLY ALL the nutrients found in breast milk. So don't feel guilty!
However, if you're doing fine pumping, good for you! If pumping would have worked out for me (it just took too long and took up too much of my time) I might still be doing it just because breast milk is easier on their stomachs.
I don't have much advice for you about her not ever being content, but I do have some suggestions:
*she might be just a little lactose intolerant... since you are breastfeeding, try eliminating milk and milk products from your diet and see if that helps
*mylicon drops--maybe she's gassy?
*try and keep yourself as relaxed as possible, as your baby is very sensitive to your emotions. if you can calm yourself, it may very well help to calm her.
I hope this has helped you any. I really feel for you! Good luck! |
| posted by kaitlyn on 08/21/2008 12:20 AM
|
|
|
|
|
| It sounds like you are doing a GREAT job! I was a mess for the first month or so (lack of sleep LOL), now my daughter is almost 9 months old! I haven't really had too many problems breastfeeding, but I can relate to the restlessness. It seemed as though she was never content. Have you tried the babybjorn? Than you can carry her with your arms free. It gets exhausting having to hold her all the time, but it will get better. Her attention span will get longer and she will be more interested in all the toys she has! I had a hard time believing everyone when they told me it will get better, but it really will! As for the breatfeeding, if your ok with pumping, I would keep at it. Someone suggested meeting with la leche or a consultant from the hospital - that couldn't hurt either. I have heard great things about la leche. Whatever you decide, will be the right decision! Everyone has an opinion, but it is your daughter! Good luck and enjoy it, time flies! |
| posted by on 08/23/2008 09:53 PM
|
|
|
|
|
| Hi Amy! I couldn't breat feed my son due to complications after his birth. I really wanted too though. I bought a pump and nursing bras, etc. Some people made me feel really bad about not breast feeding him, especially my mother-in-law who is a member of La Leche League. So, my son has been formula fed since day one. He has always been over the 100th percentile and is probably the healthiest kid I've ever run into. He doesn't have any allergies. Plus, I had the added benefit of getting my husband involved in the middle of the night feedings. I didn't even need to get out of bed because he could do everything without me. It really helped him connect with my son and now they are so close. I actually don't think I am going to breast feed with the next one either due to the positive results I recieved from bottle feeding. |
| posted by Heather on 08/24/2008 09:47 AM
|
|
|
|
|
Hi Amy.
My names Missy and I went through some of that to. My son wasn't latching onto my breast correctly and he was a lazy sucker. He actually got semi-dehydrated when he was 3 days old. After that I was so stressed that I pretty much dried up. I started giving him liquid Organic Similac. He loved it and he really thrived on it up until 2 weeks ago. He would cry all the time and I couldn't figure out was up, he used to be content all the time. Turns out he has acid reflux and gas. So we put him on Enfamil Gentlease, Xantac and mylicon. It has helped so much!!!!!!!! He will now sit in a bouncy seat for thirty minutes or longer at times. I take him from room to room with me while I do the household chores and cook. He loves the constant change of scenery and I tell him what I'm doing as I do it so he doesn't feel like he's being ignored. I also read "The Baby Whisperer" (Nancy Hogg). It really did help me a lot. I can now interpret his cries and facial expressions so I know whats wrong and what he needs. Maybe it can help you too! |
| posted by Missy on 08/24/2008 09:54 PM
|
|
|
|
|
| My husband works from 11pm until 7am and it takes him an hour to get there and an hour back. By the time he eats its time to go to bed and then when he wakes up, eats and showers, it's time to go to work. I don't have any other family here and I don't know anyone either, so I am kind of on my own most days. I feel your pain. It's rough and scary, but it will get better. |
| posted by Missy on 08/24/2008 09:58 PM
|
|
|
|
|
It's definately interesting to see everyone's perspective on this issue. I have crohnes disease and I could not breast feed my son. My physician told me that it was best for my son to be given formula. Some people can not breast feed their babies no matter what the studies say. My high risk physician told me that as long as he was eating I shouldn't worry if it was breast milk or formula. He is now almost one and over the 100th percentile for weight height and development. He started walking on his own at 7 months. The interesting thing here is that I was breast fed and I have a very serious disease, so not everyone is healthy by being breast fed same as with formula. You need to do whatever is right for yourself and your baby. Ask your physician they are usually a great way to see things objectively (ok on some things). I was made to feel terrible also, however some people do not have an option if I had breast fed my son he would have died due to the medication I must take to stay alive myself. Unfortunately some people don't understand that their may be a reason you are supplementing or feeding formula other than you are "lazy or don't want to ect."
I think it was disrespectful for the physician to post here that it is irresponisble not to breastfeed their children. Please realize that not everyone can or wants to that is why their are options.
It's your choice just like having the child was. I'm sure you will figure out what is right for you and your son. Just hang in their it does get better. |
| posted by Dr. Cai... on 08/28/2008 09:11 PM
|
|
|
|
|
Dr. Caitlin,
Go back and read my post. Not once did I write that mothers who do not breastfeed are irresponsible. I also wrote that formula fed babies can and do turn out to be perfectly healthy. I feel that anyone making any choice on behalf of their children should have proper information...emotions aside. I was not trying to make Amy feel guilty, just giving her info, and then encouraged her to do some investigating on her own. Before claiming I am irresponsible, please quote me correctly. |
| posted by Allison on 08/28/2008 10:18 PM
|
|
|
|
| |
| |
|
|
|
| |  |
| |
|
|
|
