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| Parents of Children with Sensory Needs |
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| Hi everyone. I am not a parent but a nanny for a wonderful little boy. He is 2 years old and I am very concerned about him. I started watching him 3 months ago and when we first met his parents told me how shy he is. I understood and knew that he would come out of his shell one day. But now after 3 months, he still doesn't talk, doesn't communicate with me in any way, screams and cries when we're out in public and does not like anyone to touch him. I tried explaining all this to his monther but she just tells me that he is shy. I may be way off here thinking something isn't right but I just have this wierd gut feeling. Anyway, if anyone could give me some advice about any of this I would greatly appreciate it. It's just that if I am right shouldn't he be going to someone who is educated in this? |
| Posted by Karin on 08/06/2008 06:41 PM
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I work with toddlers on a daily basis and If this child were in my class I would be concerned. I would offer many opportunities for things he likes to do. Does he like water? Water is an energetic diffuser. Let him wash his toys in a tub of water or give him cups to pour with. If water doesn't work find a sensory trigger he does like.
I have several toddlers that do not like being in public or being touched. I feel this is normal. Its the behavior is the home that would show the most consistent patterns. "Shy" is a term used for adults not for toddlers. They may be quiet or timid but rarely shy.You stated he doesn't communicate with you, do you mean he doesn't speak to you? Does he use other forms like his eyes(making eye contact is a big clue)? Does he communicate with his parents or do they anticipate what he needs? Do you give him opportunites to struggle with his wants? I have found the parents often create behavior like this because they are afraid of not meeting his needs. Then they overcompensate and it delays speech and many other issues. Do you have him alone at any time? What is this like?
I could offer more advice if you could document a day with him. List his eye movements, gestures, activites, and your actions. It is possible to grow out of such phases but It is always best to be honest about concerns.
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| posted by Kristie on 08/06/2008 09:54 PM
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| Thanks Kristie. Well, a day with him is like this...He gets dropped off and we start to play with bubbles, trucks, whatever he goes for. About an hour later he will start to scream and cry. I try to redirect him to something else...sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't. Then, I'll try to take him to the playground, the library or even a playgroup I go to and he screams no in the house, walking to the car and then for about 10 minutes driving there. When we get there he doesn't leave my side and if anyone comes near him he cries. When we get home for lunch I feed him and then he takes a 3 hour nap. Now, this whole time he doesn't speak to me except when he yells no. His eyes just stare at me like he doesn't know what I'm asking him or whet I'm saying. He doesn't answer any questions no matter how I ask. When he gets up from his nap he has a snack and then we play for about 30 minutes untill his mom picks him up. When I've said something to her about him not communicating with me she says he is shy. I've tried to explain that even if I ask him if he's thirsty I get nothing. She says she always gives him a drink about every hour. He doesn't talk at home either but his mom has explained that it's just his age and that I just don't know about 2 year olds yet because my son is only 1. I am so worried that if there is a problem that needs to be addressed it might not be caught untill he's older in 1st grade or something. |
| posted by Karin on 08/07/2008 07:08 AM
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Thanks, I can get more of a feeling as to what the issue is. First of all toddlers are not social beings even at two and a half. At this point is it necessary to take him to parks and libraries? Some toddlers need
strict consistency. Let him stay home, this seems to be his comfort environment. It won't always be like this, this will pass just like every other stage.
As for not encouraging him to ask or communicate his needs such as eye contact, hand guestures, or body movements this only setting back his progress. Of course he doesn't have to communicate his needs everything is done for him. This is the worst thing to do for a toddler. A toddler is realizing his strengths and needs opportunity to practice and fail.
The age of two is about the time you start seeing issues but you must consult a professional. The only help I know of is creating a sensory environment so they can began to process this information. Do you have access to a sensory therapist or a Montessori school?
I wouldn't be overly concerned until you have implemented encouraging communication, consistency of environment. and sensory opportunites. Remember, socialization is not a sensory lesson. This is out of the bounds of their abilities at this point. A good book for you to begin sensory lessons would be "Montessori From The Start." I think this would get you in the frame of mind to help him. Good luck!
Kristie |
| posted by Kristie on 08/07/2008 09:09 AM
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Kristie, Thank you so much for all of your input. Unfortunately, since he is not my child I cannot do anything except tell his mom my concerns...but as I said she doesn't believe me. I have a 1 year old myself and I will not keep him inside all the time because he likes to go out and play. I am somehow going to have to think of a way to explain my concerns to his mom without her getting mad at me again. But I want to thank you so much!
Karin |
| posted by Karin on 08/07/2008 12:26 PM
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Hello, Karin. I don't envy you. I have no idea how you are going to handle parents in denial. I can share some of my experiences with my son. At 18 months we were refered for a speech eval because he didn't have 6 words. Not all kids talk at the same age and boys are supposedly slower than girls. So the parents would need an evaluation by a speech therapist and possibly and an occupational therapist to determine what the exact issues are. That being said, I realize you have no control over getting an eval and it is probably a very touchy subject.
Our occupational therapist just recommended a book that I think would help you. It deals with circles of communication and how to engage reluctant children. The book is "Engaging Autism" by Stanely I Greenspan, M.D. and Serena Wieder, PH.D. Don't let the title scare you. The child doesn't have to have "autism". The book is about how to engage children in play and communication. It sounds like the child has some interests like bubbles. The book dissuses how to build on that to build relationships and communication.
I know how hard it is to cope with a child who screams and won't go places. It is heart breaking. Watch him carefully to see what sets him off. Good job noticing he can't deal with going out. My son would scream for seemingly no reason, but there was always something. Flys entering the room or wind from fans bothered him because they gave light touch. Some clothing bothered him as well. You might try the "Out-Of-Sync Child" by Carol Stock Kranowitz. Her book is about sensory problems. You might find it especially interesting since like yourself she was not the parent of the children with problems; rather, she was a preschool teacher. Good luck! I think you are a very kind nanny. I bet you are a great mom too! |
| posted by Anna on 08/07/2008 01:46 PM
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| Hi Karin. I was just wondering how things are going for you. |
| posted by Anna on 08/29/2008 04:47 PM
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