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| Depression and Motherhood |
| Public online group |
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Kristina,
Boy, can I relate. I've been with my boyfriend for a little over two years. We just had a little girl in February. I'm supporting all of us on a shoestring budget. We met, at 15 years old in high school, dated off and on, he's been married (now divorced) and have known each other for about 23 years. His sister's name is Kristina too. How crazy is that?
Anyhiew--
He was diagnosed, with colon cancer, two years ago. Having lots of side affects from chemo, no insurance and no follow up care. He's not working and hasn't been able to because of all this. Just moved, in May, to a bigger apartment (rent just went up about $200); bought an SUV last July (other car completely died), have taken out loans on my retirement to pay bills, maxed out credit cards, medical bills, baby supplies, etc. Oh, yeah, our gas is about to be disconnected, phone too (maybe).
I work three 12-hr shifts at an area hospital. Then, I have to come home and take care of my family. I'm basically working for nothing. (Benefits kick butt,though) Once the deductions, taxes, etc. come out there's very little left to live.
Our whole family's in the area. We receive very little help. Everyone's either struggling too or doesn't take the time to care. So, it's just been the two of us from day one. Talk about depressed, tired and stressed. Not to mention the fact my body's still going through things. I have to see a physical therapist. Still having problems after delivery. Unable to get back to the gym and have an extremely physically demanding job.
I've been on the "outs" with my mother and sister for about two months. They have no respect for him. My mom will call and ask about me and the baby. We got into it big about two months ago; and, haven't heard from her since. Momma's gotta realize you're a grown woman, have to live your own life and make your own decisions. She needs to realize too--you're the one dealing with all this. My sister's a bit better, though, after I set her straight.
Only advice I can give is keep your head up. Just take one day at a time, stand by your man and support him as much as you can (to a certain extent). Please don't take this the wrong way. Family is family -but- love "don't pay the bills". He has to be man enough to stand up to the brother. Realize, too, it's probably frustrating for him too.
I know my boyfriend's frustrated because, as a man, he should be able to provide for his family. He also has two boys from previous relationships. Can't pay child support because he's too sick to work. That also brings on babies' mama drama--that's a whole different topic.
Your baby is the big priority now. You have to do what's best for the baby and you. The baby didn't ask to be here; and, is depending on you to take care of things and be the protector.
You have to look out for yourself first. A good mom is a healthy mom. Seek help if you need it. The only sign of weakness is not asking for help. Don't be too proud. I've had to call our county and church at least three times for rental and food assistance this year. Check your job for an employee assistance program or emergency funds type program. Speak with your managers and hr they may be able to offer suggestions.
I'm not sure what your belief system is -BUT- if you have a church or temple you can go to start there. You need support right now. Check for new mommy groups too. See your doctor. If you need meds it's ok. You're having a tough time and need help.
I hope you now know you're not the only one that feels this way. I COMPLETELY understand. My faith in God and my little girl (who's name is also Faith) keep me going. Just take one day at a time. That's all we have anyway.
Know that someone else is thinking about you. I'll be praying for you.
Please let me know how things turn out.
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| Posted by Deanna on 08/05/2008 01:59 AM
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