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| Parents of Toddlers |
| Public online group |
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Hi one and all,
I'm new here an apologise if this has already been covered somewhere else. I have a delightful, but very strong-willed 16-month old daughter who has never liked to be contained for long periods of time, in a car, stroller in my arms. Since she learnt to walk (at 11 months) she has been a handful.
My biggest problem at the moment is that the second I set foot in the mall or in a store, she goes into super-charged melt-down mode. She thrashes, screams, cries like someone is physically hurting her, basically does anything to either get a) out of her stroller, or b) a bribe in the form of a cookie/snack. She has recently started doing this in other public situations as well like at song time at the library or swimming lessons and it is beyond embarrassing. I know I am guilty of giving in to her and probably prolonging this, but it has literally got to the point where I feel like I can't go anywhere with her. She is a free spirit and I love her for that, but sometimes I have to go to the grocery store or do something at the mall!!!
Does anyone have any experience or tips they can offer? I know it's a phase, but it doesn't make the day-to-day survival any easier! Thanks so much. |
| Posted by Nicola on 08/03/2008 08:30 PM
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Hi Nicola,
I've been fearing melt-downs myself and so they have been limited to diaper changes at home. I recently purchased a book called "Happiest Toddler on the Block", written by a pediatrician with 25 yrs experience. He has other books and dvd's as well. It has been helpful for me with my 12 mos. old. The book gives you an understanding of how our little ones think and process information and also some great practical tools to use "in the moment".
For instance, we may automatically respond with reasoning and lots of words describing the situation which ultimately leads to cont. melt-down or worse. He explains their thinking and processing is very primitive and using 1-3 words at a time describing their experience helps to feel they are being heard.
For example: "Daniel Mad, Mad, Mad. Daniel want Down Now, Down Now, NOW DOWN!"
It may feel strange to talk this way and it may take a few times for your daughter to respond differently as you are learning too.
The book is easy to read and concepts/suggestions easy to apply. I picked it up at Thrift Books.com. |
| posted by Cathy G on 08/06/2008 10:36 AM
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There was a period of time when our daughter was a pain to take to the store. Somebody suggested having her "help" with the shopping. From her seat in the cart, I would have her grab the fruit and put it into a bag for me or pick the cans or packages we wanted off the shelf. We even let her pick other items we didn't really need, and just put them back on the shelf when she wasn't paying attention. She loved it and it still works for us. We still have to keep the trips fairly short, but we can get our groceries without her having a fit.
My sister also printed off pictures of items they needed for my niece to search for in the store. That seemed to work for her too.
As for the mall and story time, we're still working on those ones!
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| posted by Jen on 08/06/2008 04:37 PM
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Hi Nicola,
I feel your pain. My daughters pediatrician told me when she was 5 months old that I was going to have my hands full, to pick my battles. Boy was he right! My daughter is very strong willed as well. I can only get her to sit in the stroller if I bribe her with snacks. My lovely husband gave her the freedom to walk by herself in a store around 18 months old. He didn't emphasize holding hands because she would walk next to him. Now we have a 2 year old that wants to walk by herself without holding hands. If she's in the stroller and done with her snack all I hear is "want to get out and walk" the whole shopping trip.
My advice, stand firm. Even though your daughter is only 16 months old they understand a lot if said in short sentences. Give warnings and FOLLOW THROUGH. That's the biggest challange. I've had to leave stores a few times because my daughter would not stay with me. I gave her two warnings and after the third attempt to take off we had to leave. It ruined my time because I had to go back later that night with out her but she didn't get her way.
I hopes this helps. Just sharing what works for me sometimes. Unfortunately the age of 2 isn't any easier. |
| posted by Kristen on 08/12/2008 10:20 PM
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| Thanks for all the great replies. We had a good adventure at the grocery store yesterday and distraction finally seemed to work. Only problem, my distraction tool was pointing at the animals on the pet food packets - my daughter wanted to take the animals home with us! We'll keep working on it! |
| posted by Nicola on 08/19/2008 08:39 AM
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I, too, feel your pain! My son is 31/2 yrs. old and an absolute terror to shop with anywhere! My husband works a lot so I have to get everything we need with just me and my son. Sometimes I say I would rather be beaten than to go to the store alone with my son! I have recently started putting him in the cart on the parking lot, to avoid him screaming about it in the store and everyone staring at us!! I lay down the law to him and tell him that we will get M&M s if he behaves. I have him sit in the back of the cart now and give him something to play with or to eat while we shop. It is still not a great trip, but it is getting a bit better! Hope this helps you as your child grows older too.
-Holly- |
| posted by Holly on 09/04/2008 10:00 PM
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