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| Single Parents |
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| Hello everyone! I'm a 20 yr old single mom to a 2 month old boy...I'm currently a junior in college, raising my son, and on the job search. I was just wondering how you all deal with your children's fathers. I had a huge heartbreak when my ex left us when I was in the first trimester, and now he's kind of always halfway around, saying that he wants to visit and be a good father...but he never goes through with anything. And frankly I believe it is in the best interest of my son for him not to be around and influence him in bad ways. It just gets so exasperating sometimes, I just hope he never pushes for visitation or anything, my son doesn't need him. Any advice on handling the guy? |
| Posted by Jasmine on 05/21/2007 10:35 PM
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| Hi. Iwent trhough the exact same thing you're going now with my oldest child. Her father and AI broke up when he found out Iwas pregnant. Once my daughter was born he started trying to come around so I let him and build a good communication between us for the sake of my daughter. He is a major part of my daughter's life so I suggest that you not keep your son away from his father because your son going to suffer the most. Do you and your son's father still talk if so you all need to sit down and talk about what he plan to do fwhen it comes to your son. |
| posted by Melissa on 05/22/2007 02:50 PM
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| No...he won't talk to me. I actually did call him when our son was sick in the hospital, and he wouldn't come. Now he goes around telling people he doesn't want kids....so actually I don't think my son will suffer from not being around him! It sounds like your ex was mature enough at some point to make things work...but it doesn't look like things will be that way for us. |
| posted by Jasmine on 05/22/2007 02:59 PM
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| Hi Jasmine. My advice is to document every single request you make of your son's father and every time he let you down or refused to help out or show up. He may act like he doesn't want kids now but when his conscience gets to him down the road he may want to take you to family court and having everything documented might safeguard you and your son from having to deal with him in your lives. In the least he might only get visitation rights and not joint custody. It's really important to document whether or not you are getting any financial support from his as well and how you are covering your son's medical and living expenses if you are doing it all on your own or with help from your parents. Sorry men suck, but congratulations on your baby boy. |
| posted by Beth on 06/08/2007 01:40 PM
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| I know you feel hurt disappointed this man has not step to be real father........Remember you are responsible for well-being of your child...... |
| posted by A on 06/12/2007 04:32 AM
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| Smile surround your son around positive role models that not necessary means needs to be biological father |
| posted by A on 06/26/2007 08:05 PM
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Hey Jasmine,
I can trully relate to your story. My son is 5 weeks old, and his father kicked me out of our apartment when I was 3 months pregnant. It was heartbreaking, we had plans to be together and get married. The reason that I'm responding to your blog is because I am going through this, and I have mixed emotions.
The father of my child first told me that he didn't want anything to do with me as long as I don't ask him for money. Once he found out.....through unkown sources that the baby was a boy, then he decided that he wanted visitation.....we talked and then he never again tried to contact me regarding the issue. Now, I really don't want to give him visitation because I am very concerned about the well being of my child especially when he's still so small and can't defend himself, but on that same note, I know what its like to grow up without a father and I know that it is also difficult. I have decided that if his father wants visitation we will let a judge decide because neither him nor I can work together. I still have a lot of resentment for what he did to me, and I trully feel that he was just a sperm donor, I am my son's mother and father.
As far as joint custody, it would be very difficult almost impossible for him to get joint custody of your child if you were never married. A family court judge will grant visitation if he is proven to be the biological father, but joint custody usually only occurs when people are getting a divorce and want to share the children. I have tried to educate myself on the topic.
Good luck and God bless you and your angel |
| posted by J on 08/23/2007 06:48 PM
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| Jasmine, I so relate to your dilemma!! My ex never wanted children and told me that if I had this baby he never wanted to see me again. I chose my son. Now, 2 years later, he feels lonely and misses what we had. However, he still has no interest in being a father, or at least will make no promises, he has never contributed a cent to taking care of our son (well, he did provide insurance for the first year). But he still wants to have contact with me, mostly by phone. He lives out of state and I have seen him 4 or 5 times since my son was born. He knows that we come as a package deal and he is wonderful with Josh when he sees him. He says that he loves him but he just doesn't want the responsibility. I had decided that we didn't need him. But now I wonder if I keep up contact will he be some kind of father or will it just be worse for Josh to see this person every once in a while, but he doesn't care enough to do more. It's such a hard decision, is a bad father better than no father at all???? |
| posted by Julie on 08/24/2007 11:29 AM
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