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| First Time Moms |
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Yesterday I was at the park with my 16 month old son (who is an only child) and a woman at the park started asking me questions, that I thought were a little inappropriate. First, she asked me if I was my sons' nanny or mother? (I get this question a lot because my son looks a lot more like his dad than me.) I told her I was his mother and she seemed to be shocked. She said, "You're too young to be his mother!" I explained to her that I was 25 and college educated at that. Then she said, to even further insult me, "And THAT is supposed to make you old enough!!" I was outraged but what really put the icing on the cake was that this woman kept following me around the park afterwards, trying to have a conversation with me. This woman really upset me!!
When I got home I started thinking about what she said. I then realized that I am the only one out of all of my mommy friends who had a child under the age of 25 but before the age of 21. Everyone I've run into is either a teenage mother or someone who has waited until their thirties to have kids. Has anyone else had this happen to them? Why are people so judgemental? |
| Posted by Heather on 07/30/2008 09:38 AM
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| Alot of people are judgemental! Last time I took my kids (age 6 and 16 months) to the park there was a mom that was their a couple of times before. We started to talk and she seemed very nice. Then there was a young mother and I was guessing the dad of the baby girl came to the park. ALL of the mothers were saying that's bull shit and he should have kept it in his pants and blah blah. I was the youngest mother of all the moms saying things. I was blown away of what all they were saying. I felt so uncomftable that I asked them to give her a break. I was just blown away. All I was thinking was that's probaly what most mothers and dads were saying to me and probaly still are. People always stare at me and give me werid looks. There was a grandfather at the park that wouldn't stop asking me questions about why I chose to be a stepmother to my stepson. I turned around and cryed and left the park. People should be happy that I stepped up and helped my stepson learn all the stuff his mother never taught him. He wouldn't beable to do anything without me teaching him that. So you gotta just think your the best mom and nothing will stop it. People will probaly always say shit to us because their life isn't as great as ours. I like to think that we are better then them. Seems like that lady didn't have a life. I wouldn't have told her to go get her child and oh yea she's probaly to slow to catch him or her. Atleast you went to college. I haven't went so you look better then I do! lmao |
| posted by Kris on 07/30/2008 09:59 AM
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This lady sounds nuts. I wouldn't give the conversation another thought....don't waste your time on it!
If for some reason the conversation bothered you, just remember that when and where and why and how a woman has a child is a personal choice. That's the bottom line. We are so lucky in this day and age to have this freedom.
Personally, I have no problem telling people I would rather not talk about this or that because it is personal. It takes courage, but it is worth it to get away from people like that. |
| posted by Jade on 07/30/2008 10:30 AM
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Although I haven't run into your situation, I am aware that people have a tendency to open their mouths and say the dumbest things.
Next time you run into someone like her (even the same nutjob), just look at her with a straight face and without any emotion, say something like, "Do I know you? I don't think I do. If I did, I might be interested in what you're saying. Why don't you go find someone else who cares about what you think?" and just walk away. Or even just stand there and look at her. If she tries to say something, just keep saying, "Again, I don't know you and am not interested in your opinions." All I remember is that I used to teach high school English, and when kids would say something inappropriate, I would just keep repeating the same thing (ie, thank you for your opinion, but I'm not interested) and eventually they just shut up.
Good luck! |
| posted by Tara on 07/30/2008 10:46 AM
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| I remember when I just had my boys. My husband and I were at Walmart and there was a lady who came up to us. She started talking about how sorry she was for us because we had twins, that her sister had twins and she is so sorry she had them. My husband and I were in shock. Most of the people that stopped us to look at the boys were nice and said positive things. A couple of months went by and we saw her there again. She started with the same stuff she said to us before. We just kept walking, didn't even look at her. What I cant beleive is that she just kept talking even though we kept walking. The nerve. Some people are just so rude. I think these people who can just come up to strangers and say thing like that must be a couple sandwiches short of a picknick. |
| posted by Gina on 07/30/2008 11:40 AM
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I got the question about being the babysitter with my son.... I had just turned 19 when I had him.
I am now 32 with a 10 month old and it is funny to me when i am asked if she is my first and i tell them i have a 13 yo....he he to top it off i have 2 step kids 12 and 11 so i usually just say i have 4...
I just reassure myself that I am a good mom. My kids all have great manners my boys open doors for people and don't throw tantrums they are awesome with their little sister (the 11 yo girl lives with mom up north)
They watch out for other kids at playgrounds and always share.... there are plenty of "older moms" (and some young ones) that have rude kids and that reflect how you are I think... people should judge me based on how my kids act not how old I was when i had them :)
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| posted by Kristhal on 07/30/2008 12:32 PM
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| Thanks for all the responses! The thing that surprises me the most about these types of situations is that I am usually following my son around the park, putting him in the swings, going with him down the slide, and basically making his trip to the park as worthwhile as possible. The moms that are always questioning me are almost always just observing their kids from the benches and talking about how hot/cold it is outside. If I'm so young and immature, then why am I the one interacting with my kid and they aren't. The other thing that really gets me is when moms question my childs' language skills. The always stop though when I mention I am a speech/language pathologist. |
| posted by Heather on 07/30/2008 02:58 PM
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This is kind of funny. I am 35 and have a 9 month old. He is my first and will be my only. But I feel like I am to old because of how people look at me and the things they say. I was told I could not have kids, and he was a BIG surprise, anyhow, it is funny that you feel like you are bothered by older moms and I feel intimidated by younger moms. lol
I say, I don't give a s--- what other people think. They are not living my life. So don't worry about it, just let it roll off.
Oh and an FYI. If I had known that I would have this child, I would have chose to have him at about 25 or younger. It is really really hard when you try doing with them, like on the floor or such, and realize you are feeling your age. I am afraid my son is the one that will suffer from it. |
| posted by Kim on 07/31/2008 02:56 AM
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| I get that too. I was 20 when I got married and 22 when I had my girl (i'm almost 25 now) but I looked 17 and i still look about 18 now. I even get carded to go to the movies sometimes!! What I really hate is that people assume I'm a "newlywed" because I look so young and have a young daughter but I was married almost 3 years before we had our child. My hubby is 26 but looks 30 so we got alot of looks even before we had our girl. It is worse now but what do I care, only I know the situation I'm in. And a response to the second post about the young man "keeping in in his pants", that person should be smiling at the couple because there is both a mother and a father present with the child. It is no matter whether the man is the biological father or not, he is still playing a positive role in that child's life. My cousin is 21 and has a 2 yr old and she is happily engaged to a man (also 21) who is not the biological father to her child but is more of a father than her actual one. Genes don't matter, love does. |
| posted by Katie on 07/31/2008 09:34 AM
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Ur not alone. I'm 24, two kids, econ grad, married for 5 yrs...
& I barely look legal... I guess we go through interactions with unitelligent people so we have the life skills to teach our kids... cause unfortunately they breed too! lol... good luck! Just be honest, "hey! your questions are ridiculous, please stop talking to me now!"
its better to laugh these situations off cause their are a ton more lined up! |
| posted by Candice on 08/03/2008 02:41 AM
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Well, just to add another scenario, I am 38, and my son is 1 1/2. I feel like I am in the best shape of my life. I have no problem playing and running and chasing. There is no question in my mind about my lifestyle and when I had my son.
Everyone has their own story. There certainly is not one way of doing things! |
| posted by Jade on 08/03/2008 10:56 AM
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Well, just to add another scenario, I am 38, and my son is 1 1/2. I feel like I am in the best shape of my life. I have no problem playing and running and chasing. There is no question in my mind about my lifestyle and when I had my son.
Everyone has their own story. There certainly is not one way of doing things! |
| posted by Jade on 08/03/2008 10:57 AM
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| OMGosh yes I've had this happen to me plenty of times. Grant it I am a little younger then you and have 2 kids but they are fairly close together. I don't think going to college or not has anything to do with it. As long as you can take care of them financially and whatnot. My sister's friend had her first baby at 14... now that is a bit much. I had my first at 20 and they are the most amazing little girls!! :) Was this woman a bit older? Sometimes those that are just don't "get it" and are still very old-schooled about everything. I understand you should go to college and some would say even buy a house and do all that fun stuff before a family but what about those when college isn't for them? Or what about when you get into a situation where the economy is recessing and buyin a home may not be the smartest thing to do. That's where we're stuck at. But yeah, totally understand and wish I knew more on why people are so jundgemental! |
| posted by Crystal on 08/06/2008 03:06 PM
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I was at a rummage sale with my husband's grandmother and was selling one of those henna pregnancy belly kits (never got around to it before jake was born) and the other old ladies were checking out my stuff. Anyway, one old lady thought it was funny and motioned another old lady over and she looks and says, " that's disgusting!". Disgusting?!?! Since when is a pregnant belly disgusting? They start telling me stories of how they would pull down they maternity clothes to try to hide the belly! What a different time - now we show off our bellies!!! Not too relevant I know, I just thought the change in mind set is interesting.
My other comment - my mom was 36 when she got me, but had gone gray in her 20's. She was constantly asked if she was my grandmother! People would ask me who my mommy was and I would point her out and they would tell me that, no, she must be my grandmother. Like I didn't know who my mommy was!?!
People are dumb. Whenever people say stupid/mean stuff to me I just try to think how miserable their life must be if they have to be rude to a stranger in a park to feel better about themselves. |
| posted by Nanygoat on 08/06/2008 05:17 PM
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I love your response, Nanygoat!
Robin |
| posted by Jade on 08/06/2008 11:09 PM
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