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| I was in a car accident about a year and half ago. I finally got all the money from insurance companys and everything. My husband paid all of the debit off so we are doing good now. I am very good with money. I won't touch that money. Now on the other hand my husband isn't to well with money. If he knows theres money in the bank nothing really stops him. I told him we need to think we don't have any money so we don't spend it on stupid shit. He told me the other day that he is so sick of hearing me say we don't have money to go out and do things that he was about to go to a casino and blow it all. I was so pissed that he would say that. My husbands family isn't to well with money. They think if it's in the bank we can get it. Now his parents and grandparents built a house and they aren't doing to well with money. His grandfather burrowed 800.00 from us to get his sidewalk done. My husband told him not to give the money back. I was PISSED! His grandfather gave us some money but not all of it back. His brother called today and wants to burrow money for a new car. I DO NOT want to give him money or lend him money because we probaly won't get it back. And Let me remind everyone my husband and I want to and are trying to buy a house once our credit goes back up. Our credit took a huge dive when my accident happened. His family helped us out alot. .But I don't want to give them money whenever they need it. We lended his parents a couple hundred dollars and got paid back. My husband went out and got a tattoo of myself and my daughter and stepson. Yes it is nice but it was almost 400.00 for the freaking tattoo. He is taking money out of our savings and putting it in our checking. I feel like in a few months it's going to be gone. EVERYTIME someone calls and asks me something to go and do I'll pass and he will get pissed and say your going we have the money and i'll transfer it. I have a feeling it's going to be gone soon and we won't beable to get ahead and be poor all over again and struggle month to month. I've talked to my husband before about letting my dad hold the money until we need it. He doesn't want my dad involved with anything. My dad is very good with money. Before I got this money I thought he was in it for the money just because we were always arguing and he said everything will get better once we get the money. Everything revolved around the money. I don't want to end up divorced because we got all this money. He works and I am a stay at home mom. So everything is his. The money he says is he's and he will do what he wants with it. The money from the accident is mine because he wasn't in the car with me. It's like we are always arguing over this money. I don't want it to be gone and left with nothing. When we got married he said we are using all the money from our wedding on our honeymoon. Which we did. I wanted to pay off our bills. I want to be more invovled when the money gets transfered. He acts like it's nothing. And once it's gone it's gone. I don't know how to talk to him about it. I know we will end up fighting over it again and he may withdraw every penny out of our account and take my bank card and my keys, I just am sick to my stomach and I don't know what the hell to do. Please help me. |
| Posted by Kris on 07/21/2008 11:36 PM
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I would take most of the money out of the account and put it in just your name...... dont get a bank card with it.. so it is not accessible. i would bring the banking info to your dads..
does he keep good track what is spent out of that account? if he doesn't it easier to HIDE the money so to speak.
I dont blame you, times are hard and why go back to pinching pennies especially if you wanna buy a house.
sounds like some of his family members (brother) are taken advantage of the situation..
good luck! i am so sorry, what a stressor |
| posted by michelle on 07/22/2008 12:08 AM
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| I'm going to try and talk to him about moving it into a cd account. If I say that I want that money in another account without his name then he will take my name off our account and I won't get any money to pay for anything. No matter where I'd go he'd have to be there to see what I'm buying. But yes his family is taking advange of it and it's driving me nuts. He looks at it like we are helping them through tough times like they helped us through the accident. I want to use his pay check for everything and when theres no more money there's no more. No transfers or nothing. I'll try to talk to him this afternoon. thanks |
| posted by Kris on 07/22/2008 09:14 AM
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| Ok, just want to let you know that it isn't HIS paycheck, it is BOTH of yours. Sure, he works for that money but you work at home to maintain the house, take care of the kid(s), laundry, dinner, etc, etc. If you had to work, someone would still have to do all of that stuff too and it would probably be you! You are really lucky that you can stay at home, it's too bad your hubby is such an a-word about money. Maybe bring it to his attention that if all the money is gone, you may HAVE to go out and work and then pay for babysitting on top of everything else. My husband and I both have to work and pay for babysitting and let me tell you it adds up! |
| posted by Katie on 07/22/2008 09:41 AM
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| Sounds to me like your husband doesn't think you work. You did to remind him that you do plenty of work. If he keeps thinking this way I would take the day off. I mean take care of the children, but do nothing for him. No dinner, laundry, anything. Maybe he will get the point. On the other have to say this, if you would have never been in the accident you would not have this money. In my eyes pay off what bills you want, pay back everyone you do to, and you decide what to do with the rest. It is your money!!!! You deserve it for all pain or problems this as caused. Sorry.. I was in the same boat. Husband was driving. He was not my husband at the time. I was the only one that sued. He thought he should get some of money. I was not having that. We planning a wedding and looking for a house at this time. I did pay for closing and some household stuff. I also paid for some wedding things. And it was gone. Those were my choices. To you I say, "do what you want with the money." Can you tell him that someone in your family needed to borrow it, since his family keeps borrowing money. If he won''t let them borrow the money, then I would tell him your family is done borrowing as well. If he will, then put it in a different account and have the statement mailed to your dad's address. Hope this helps. |
| posted by Lisa on 07/23/2008 08:09 PM
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Kris, what a situation you are in. First, I want to say how sorry I am that your voice and opinion is not being respected. I can understand the frustration and anger that is building up inside of you. Second, I truly believe that money is the root of all evils. There's never enough.
I don't know how you can straighten out your problem. It's always good to be honest with our spouse, even if that means we don't get our way. If you have free access to your joint account than you should not have any trouble paying off some of the bills you need too. Ask your bank if they have online billing, it's usually free. They will just automatically withdraw the money from your checking account. This way you don't have to worry about if there's enough money, make sure that you set up the date on the days that your husband deposits his paychecks. Let him know what you did after you do it. Most of the time they'll get upset, but won't do anything about it. When I first met my husband, he too had a hard time paying things off. With many agruements behind us, we come to a place now where he doesn't have a problem with me controlling the finances. I just made sure I showed him on paper what I've paid off.
Just remember that with men, they are very sensitive. Especially, with their paychecks. It's not that your husband does not want to share the money with you, but it's his pride that is getting in the way. He looks at the paychecks that he brings in as evidence of his hard work. That is the only thing edifies his labor.
I know that you work hard at home too, but people who don't do what we do, have a hard time understanding the level of difficulty we face each day. With kids, cleaning, meals, etc. It's not fair that the government does not reconize it as "labor".
I don't know how all this will help you, but I wish you the best of luck. I will pray for you family and situation. Remember, it's always good to be honest with your husband, that way nothing will come back against you. God bless. LOL. |
| posted by Hoa on 07/25/2008 02:29 PM
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He might make the money, but make sure that he understands that you're not "just a stay at home mom", for all intents and purposes, you are his child's babysitter, and if he's going to make it all about the money, then tell him he's got to pay you a (fair) wage for babysitting his child. Otherwise, tell him he's got to pay another babysitter so you can go out and make some of "your" own money.!!!
I live with an alcoholic and he used to do all the same things your husband is doing, only I was the one with the job and he wasnt, so he always told me "it's not always about the money"... Notice how the tables turn when they have no money of their own?
The way that we made it work was we both have our own seperate accounts, we each make our "own" money, and we split the "shared" bills, and what ever we have left is our own money to do with what we please. Our shared bills are rent, food, daycare, medical insurance, utilities, etc. but because I am the one who is responsible enough to have a car, I pay for the car and insurance, but I also am the only one who gets to drive it. Because my fiancee is an alcoholic, i have told him that if he EVER fails to pay his part of the shared bills, he has to move out, because I cant allow him to treat me this way any more. (This also means he doesnt ever get to pay bills late) My fiancee is working to be a part of this family, and as soon as I gave him this ultimatum, he flipped 180*... hopefully yours will too. The KEY to this is that you Absolutely must stick to your guns and ALWAYS do what you say you will, threat or good, because the SECOND you dont, he will see this as a weakness that can be manipulated, and you will never ever gain the foothold again!!!
It sounds like your husband doesnt have much respect for the work you contribute to your family and doesnt much value the effort you are trying to put forward For the Betterment of Your Whole Family.
You cannot ever loan money to anyone and expect to get it back. This is why you cannot ever loan money you do not have to lose.
You should go to www.suzeorman.com and read some of what she thinks about this kind of situation, because honey you deserve to be treated better than you are. |
| posted by Lisa on 07/25/2008 06:04 PM
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Unsure of your settlement, and it is unclear if the money is written to the two of you or just you. Presuming it is just you, I would withdraw all the money except 1000.00. I would do this without his knowledge. If the money belongs to the two of you, make it a 50/50 split and hold it in two different bank accounts.
Being in a car accident is devasting, as well as debilitating and trying to get well and keep care of the home, kids. It can make recovery very slow and last longer than expected. The money is yours, unless he was in the accident with you.
Instead of a CD, you might want to talk with a financial officer, or a broker. |
| posted by esther on 07/26/2008 10:37 PM
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