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Hey all ... I'm new to the message boards, and glad to be here! I have a little by, Quentin, who just turned 3 months old. He is sleeping well (3-4 hours at a time at night); however, he is sleeping in our bed. (I know, I know ...) It all started because I'm breastfeeding, and it just got easier to bring him into bed with me (from his carseat, because that's the only place he'd sleep at night in the beginning). Now, every time I try to put him in his crib (next to our bed), he wakes up and cries or fusses until I bring him back into the bed with me. If I don't do this, he will stay awake for hours. It's better for all of us if I bring him into bed (sleep-wise anyway).
What can I do to start breaking this? I thought putting him in the crib during the day for naps would help, but that doesn't help ... he sleeps for ALL of his naps during the day in his crib (next to our bed) with no problem ... for hours! But as soon as we start the bedtime routines, it's like he forgets that he actually likes his crib.
Any suggestions? Has anyone ever had this problem? One more note: I'm not against co-sleeping, although I never thought I'd share our bed with the baby. Things just happened that way. However, my fiance doesn't necessarily agree with it, so I'm trying to get Quentin into good sleeping habits before this REALLY becomes a problem.
Thanks for reading! |
| Posted by Jen B. on 07/18/2008 12:23 PM
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Jen,
My husband and I had the same issue with our daughter. She co-sleeps with us. We have tried many times to transfer her to her room and her bed (she is now 2 and 1/2) to no avail. We have decided when she is ready she will go. I know it is not what you want to hear, but in MIO she will be grown and gone before I know it and I will miss her snuggling in or even kicking me at night. That being said, my husband at first did not like the arrangement. I told him fine he could get her to sleep on her own. So after she was done bfing I would hand her to him and let him take care of it. A couple of nights later he said she could stay. She was staying awake the entire time between feedings. I have always been told that whatever desicion you make it MUST benefit the whole family. If the whole family sleeps fine and it doesn't intefer with intimacy then it Quentin sleeping with you guys should not be a problem. You have to do what works for you. Also if your Fiance is not okay with it, find out why? Does he feel less connected, is he afraid to have physical intimacy, is he afraid he won't ever leave, or stay away from home????
Our daughter stays the night with grandma and grandpa just fine. She loves to stay there and she is okay without us there. Our newest addition is almost six months old and has never liked sleeping with us. She is happy in her crib, so that is where she sleeps. It is kinda funny, we bought a king size bed when I was 8 months pregnant for her with the assumption she would sleep with us.
Also, look at it from Quetin's point of view. He is laying there in his crib and he sees his momma and daddy "way" over there and he misses you guys, he thinks he is going to miss something and plus he loves your touch, smell, and voice. Look at it as a compliment.
Hope this helps a little
Shanna |
| posted by Shanna on 07/18/2008 12:44 PM
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Interesting enough like what was just said. I also have a 2 1/2 year old who still sleeps with us. we have tried to no avail. it ends up no sleeping. even nap time she insist on sleeping in the living room where she can see and hear me.. oh goodness.
I did the same thing cuz my boyfriend did not want her sleeping with us. so i would breast feed her and as i was heading to bed hand him the baby.. well he would lay her down in the crib for her to sleep maybe 20 minutes and up. needless to say i started waking up at night and finding her sleeping in his arms YES IN OUR BED. he does not say anything about her sleeping with us now. i work from home and fo most of my work at night so it is just routine when he goes to bed he brings her to bed..
i figure one day she is going to want her own space.
michelle |
| posted by michelle on 07/18/2008 01:52 PM
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My daughter is nine months and had a problem sleeping in her bassinet when we first got it, but i think she just liked the mattress in our bed, because she was fine when we got the crib, but we had to put a bumper up so she couldnt see us. then she outgrew that so i put a sheet around the side of the crib the faced our bed. as long as she couldnt see us when she woke up, she just went right back to sleep. now she can stand up so we had to move her crib so she couldnt see us even when she stood up.
and if your son is sleeping fine during his naps, but not at night, maybe thats why. it may not work, all kids are different, he may just like being close to you at night. but this is what worked for me.
hope that helps a little! |
| posted by Becky on 07/18/2008 02:13 PM
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| Hi! My son is 10 months and still wakes up to breast feed in the night. Sometimes when I put him in his bed he will wake up and cry. I just breastfeed him again and put him back in his bed. I think he gets tired of it and finally goes to sleep until the next feeding. Last night when he woke up after sleeping a couple of hours in his bed, I took him in our bed to breastfeed. He rooled away from me and went back to sleep. I think it was just the closeness. I let him stay there for a couple of minutes and then put him back in his bed. I think if you are constant about it, they will figure out that it is what "they" need. I wouldn't worry about it too much at three months, especially if you are going to continue breastfeeding. Good Luck!! |
| posted by Michelle on 07/18/2008 02:42 PM
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| Hi! Sorry rooled was supposed to be rolled. Thanks. |
| posted by Michelle on 07/18/2008 02:44 PM
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| My son was the same way, i didn't want to lose out on sleep so i continued letting him sleep with me, I finally decided when he was about 9 months old to get him a toddler bed, which was even worse, because he just crawled out of it, at that point i decided to put a gate up at his door and left the door open, and put him to bed, and just let him cry, eventually he cried himself to sleep, it was horrible and i was exhausted but by the 3rd night he was sleeping in his bed every night, hang in there its going to be tough, but it is well worth it, your better to do it now before he gets too adjusted to sleeping with you, it will only get harder. |
| posted by kristi on 07/18/2008 05:34 PM
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Sorry ladys I gess we got lucky I never had an issue with either one of my little ones not wanting to sleep in there crib just with my little man not wanting to put him self to sleep at night till he was 9 months old but a lot of that was daddys falt.
Good Luck |
| posted by Jennifer on 07/19/2008 12:31 PM
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Sorry ladys I gess we got lucky I never had an issue with either one of my little ones not wanting to sleep in there crib just with my little man not wanting to put him self to sleep at night till he was 9 months old but a lot of that was daddys falt.
Good Luck |
| posted by Jennifer on 07/19/2008 12:31 PM
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Hi, I had the same problem with both of my kids...my first child would only sleep on me and my other would only sleep in her car seat. What I did was put them in their crib at night and let them cry for 45 min. then I would get them, the next night let them cry a little longer and so on......after 3 days they were in there crib. ( my son was in his crib by 2 months old and my daughter was in her crib a little after 3 months old)
I hope this helps....FYI sleep with a pillow over each ear!!!!! |
| posted by Shealynn on 07/19/2008 10:41 PM
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| I guess i got lucky too. My son is 6 months old & we put him in a crib at a month old. The only time he sleeps in bed with us is if he's not felling well. I did notice though when we moved him into his own room he slept a lot better than when we shared a room. Babies have really good noses it seems they can smell you from far away. If the hear you or your fiance then he knows you will get him. My hubby slept with his mom till he was 10, i vowed to never let that happen. If you can try & put him in his own room with a monitor so you can still hear him, but he doesn't see, smell, or hear you guys. Hope it helps. |
| posted by sheri on 07/26/2008 09:57 PM
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| You know my husband and I had the same issue with our 6 month old until we figured out he likes the egg crat on our bed so we bought one and put one our his bed and ever since he sleeps in his own bed. Another thing our doctor said is try to set a time like 5 am before that our son is not allowed in our bed after 5 he is fine he can come into our bed. I also spray my purfume into his bed when i change the sheets so he can smell my scent in his bed. Hopefully one these will help you good luck. |
| posted by on 07/27/2008 09:42 PM
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| My oldest child sees a behavioral psycologist; when my second child was born i was in the same situation as you i started out breastfeeding and it was easier to co-sleep then i wanted to move him and he was not impressed. To do whatever i needed to do for everyone to get a good nights sleep until the baby turned 6 months old then. put the baby in his bed and let him cry himself to sleep. i HATED her suggestion!!! REFUSED to do it. REFUSED to sit while my poor little one CRIED HIMSELF TO SLEEP??!!! BUT I also had my 3 yo still in the bed with me and it didn't take long before i was willing to try just to take my bed back! It took about a week of him vrying for hours every night and another 3 or 4 of alternating between no crying at all, about 10 minutes of crying and then some nights where i thought he was going to pass out before he stopped. but it worked and it was worth it in the end. |
| posted by Ashley on 08/01/2008 11:45 PM
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| oh sorry BTW my oldest child was 4 1\2 before his dad and i started living together and he HAD to sleep in his own bed and even know at 5 he comes and gets in the bed with me if he wakes up at night or his ddad is not a home. My aunt has a son who is 13 and still sleeps with her on a pretty regular basis so while i really am a supporter of co sleeping you should not only consider what is best for you family NOW but how long you want to commit to it AND know that the longer you wait to move them (unless you wait until puberty when they move themselves) the harder it will be for everyone to actually move them |
| posted by Ashley on 08/01/2008 11:51 PM
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| Maybe this is just me but how does your little one fit in bed with you? I never even gave it a thought because my husband and I only have a double bed. There is barely enough room for us much less my little one. I started by putting him in a bassinet when he was very little but at three months he was crib bound. I did put a noise maker in his room, which has definitely help soothe him. He is now 16 months and he has NEVER slept with us. When he cries because he's sick or has a nightmare, I go in his room, rock him to sleep, and put him back in his crib. You NEED to break your child of this habit now or you will end up with a 7 year old sleeping with you. I've seen it happen and it's not pretty. |
| posted by Heather on 08/04/2008 07:24 PM
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| I would like to know what is so wrong with your child sleeping with you until they are ready to leave the bed, as long as everyone is getting good sleep! I had my children because I wanted them, all the good and the bad, soon enough they will grow up, leave the house and hav babies of their own and I will mourn the emptiness of my house and bed. The US is one of the only industrailized nations that does not have a family bed, extended nursing, and a lot of other beneficial family values. I am a big supporter of natural family living if you can tell;) |
| posted by Shanna on 08/05/2008 10:15 AM
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