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My son is 21 months. I am a SAHM. My husband and I go out on a date about once a month and he has a sitter. Both of us have family that live far away (at least 2 hrs. and at most 5 hrs.), so they don't see him much. He's getting used to them and even learning their names or at least his names for them. :0)
I am going on a girls-only trip this summer for 4 days and my husband and I are trying to find the best way to have Micah cared for. His mom wants to keep our son for the entire time. Neither one of us really want that. I suggested she come and stay here, but she needs to be at her work those days. (They own their own business, but I understand of course)
Truthfully, I am not comfortable with him staying overnight somewhere strange to him without one of us there with him. But, she wants us to bring him over (again a 2 hour drive one-way).
My husband doesn't see why I'm bothered by it and why it would be hard for me to do this...we talked about it more openly and he's willing at least to believe my feelings even if he doesn't understand them, which is good.
There are other people we know who would watch him during the day (like any other sitter would) while my husband is working and I like the idea moreso...even if we need to pay them. However, I'm trying to compromise in order to not hurt my in-law's feelings.
Help! Am I being silly to think he's too young to stay somewhere overnight he's never stayed before? Is it unreasonable to want to have him in his own bed while I'm far away for the first time? |
| Posted by Kelly on 06/28/2008 07:15 PM
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| I would feel exactly the same way. I don't even like the idea of leaving my son overnight with his grandparents simply because he has never spent the night away from home and it would be difficult. My son is the same age, and I don't think he is ready for that, let alone 4 days in a place he is not very familiar with. I think you should do what makes you most comfortable. Hopefully your inlaws will understand, but if not, don't do it their way just to please them. |
| posted by Marcia on 06/28/2008 08:17 PM
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| I think you are over reacting just a bit. I understand your concern but he is almost two years old. Besides it's not some stranger, it's his grandmother. My son stays overnight with both of his grandparents once a month and he is only 10 months old we have been doing it since he was two months old. It works out great and he loves it and so do they. Don't begrudge your husbands parents out of spending time with their grandchild it will only hurt your son in the long run. Don't you have fond memories of spending time with your grandmother? Perhaps you would feel better if you let her have him one weekend overnight and see how it goes. If it goes badly then no one would fault you for changing your mind on the four days in a row. Being overprotective sometimes isn't the right idea, children should be allowed to experience different things, it's how they grow and learn. Good luck but I'm with your husband here. At least try a weekend. |
| posted by Dr. Cai... on 06/28/2008 08:22 PM
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Dr. Cai...
It would be fine if he was accustomed to spending time with his grandparents, but he sees them maybe once every 4-6 months.
I agree that they need to spend time with him, and when we can arrange it, he does spend time with them...even without us around, and he does well. So, I don't believe that I'm begrudging them time with their grandson
I spent time with my grandmother, but very rarely overnight...and when I did, I was older...at least 4 years old and I remember wanting to go home. Maybe this is what is influencing my feelings.
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| posted by Kelly on 06/28/2008 08:38 PM
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| I don't think it is unreasonable to feel that he would probably sleep better in his own bed while you are away however he would probably adjust just fine to staying somewhere new. My parents and in-laws both live very close so my 28 month old has spent the night with them several times and loves it. If he has a special blanket or toy that would help. I know I was very nervous about my daughter staying at my mother in laws for the first time but once it was over everything went well and actually she sleeps all night most of the time when she sleeps at either grandparents house and only once in a while at home. Since you are going to be gone for 4 days maybe you could split it up between your in laws and your house. I know you said it was a 2 hour drive but sometimes to keep peace it is worth it. Maybe he could stay the first two nights at home with your husband and a sitter and the last two at grandmas. I would give your husband a chance to have some time alone also. Good luck with you decision and just do what you fell is right |
| posted by Heather on 06/28/2008 09:40 PM
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I'm not sure what to think here, My parents and my husbands parents both live about 2 1/2 hours away from us but we go to see one set each weekend(we just got home from visiting his parents just now and next weekend we'll see my parents) Its ALOT in gas money but I want my son to get to know his grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. We both have a very close knit family so I want it to stay that way even tho we live so far away. When my son was 2months old I wasn't too sure about it but me and my husband needed time away so we let my parents keep our son for 4nights and he did great, he actually ate better and slept better with them than he does with us. Ever since then my parents have kept our son for at least 3 days each month, and my parents are tickled pink to keep him because he is their first grandbaby. My in-laws have kept him twice but he is their 5th(not that they don't love him any less, its just more exciting to my parents). So anyways back to my point, the first time my parents were to keep him, a week before I was almost wanting to cancel the trip but my husband told me that everything would be fine and that they know what they are doing because they have raised 2 kids and they of course wouldn't let anything happen to him. So I agreed and dropped him off but everynight before they gave him his bath I called and had them hold the phone up to his ear so I could talk to him and he was great.
I say if you are uneasy then do a trial run for like a weekend, and call to make sure things are ok. But if after that trial run you are still uneasy then work something out like you said, with a friend. But I honestly would feel more comfortable with family because even if you are really good friends with someone you just don't know what they may do to your child. I guess I'm not that trustworthy with other people that aren't family. Because I know that my family would never do anything to harm any other family member, they would risk their life to save mine if it came down to it.
All in all trust your gut, but don't be close minded or it might hurt your child. |
| posted by Amers on 06/29/2008 12:11 AM
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| I have a son the same age, I feel exactly the same way you do. It's not like you can explain what is going to happen beforehand. But sometimes when my husband & I have a disagreement, I'll let him have it his way and he has to take all the responsibility, so if in this instance, it would be terribly hard, my heart goes out to you, but if he goes to your mother in laws, then any hard time your son may have, your husband should commit to handling it... & you pray, & trust your husband knows what is good for your son too. God Bless... |
| posted by Candice on 06/29/2008 12:16 AM
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Hi Kelly, I understand where you are comming from. My daughter is 15 months and the thought of leaving her over night doesn't sit well with me. My daughter hasn't seen any of her grandparents in 6 months and staying the night at my mom's or my in-laws when we see them this month, I don't think I would feel comfortable with becasue it will all be new to her again. Maybe when she is older and knows them better(like 4 or 5).
Maybe if you try having your mil come stay at your house for a night while you and your husband make a date night and get a hotel room so that you are close by if something should happen and so you are more comfertable and so your son is in a familliar place the first time. But for your 4 days if you have a really close friend/best friend you can trust your son with that would be willing to watch him durring the day then your husband could have some one on one time with your son.
I hope your husband understands and you can work something out you can both agree on.
Good luck and don't stress over it to much I know it will all work out for the best in the end. |
| posted by Anne on 06/30/2008 10:24 AM
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Here is my comment, I hope it helps. I have a 21month old whom sees his grandparents maybe 3-4 times a month for a few hours during the day. My parents love him a lot, but to my child's understanding, they are more in the 'strangers' side. I even have a hard time having him take a nap at their house, but, when I had to leave to the hospital to give birth to my second child, he had to stay there for 3 days.
I am the overreacting kind...and of course I was feeling terrible, thinking that he was missing me, his bed, his toys, probably crying and being misserable. To my surprise, he did great. Nothing happened to him. When my parents dropped him off at our house he was as happy as when he left.
It will be a big change for him, have no doubt, but he will be fine, if that is all that worries you.
Go have a blast on all of us who don't have the chance...hehe. |
| posted by sonia on 06/30/2008 12:20 PM
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Thanks SO much for all the encouragement! My husband and I sat down last night and had a heart-to-heart and also read some "professional" advice on traveling away from children and just how to go about doing one's best in preparing your child and yourself for the preparation. At the end of the discussion, my husband realized he had not validated my feelings as the mom..nor had he considered how strange and new the separation would be for our son either; and I realized that I do have instincts I need to trust and it had nothing to do with mistrusting my inlaws as caretakers. So, in the end, we've decided to have the grandparents stay here with him overnight (watching him over two days) and then use a close friend from our church who has watched him before take the final day. One day is my husband's day off work, so they'll be able to have one-on-one time then.
I really appreciate all the advice...it has helped immensely! |
| posted by Kelly on 06/30/2008 03:21 PM
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| Hey Kelly I am glad you were able to work something out. Have a fun trip and enjoy the girl time. Let me know how it goes. |
| posted by Anne on 06/30/2008 03:31 PM
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| Sounds like a great compromise. Now you can really enjoy your getaway knowing your son is at home and comfortable! Have a great time. |
| posted by Marcia on 06/30/2008 04:34 PM
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My son is 16 months old and I send him to the grandmothers whenever I can. He spent his first weekend with my mother Memorial weekend 2007 and he was born in Feb. I'm in the same boat you are. Both of our parents are 2 hours away and my sister is 4 hours away (I don't think my brother-in-laws have figured out where they want to be yet), so I try and visit the grandparents for weekends whenever I'm able. The way I figure it, if he doesn't go visit them, he's not going to get to know them that well. He doesn't get to see them whenever he wants like some kids who have grandparents in the area and I want him to feel comfortable with them. If you're uncomfortable sending him on his own, then go spend a weekend with the grandparents with him before your trip.
If you don't want him staying with her the entire time, are your parents nearby? My husband and I go on a camping trip with friends each year after labor day and we're gone for 4-5 days. The mothers will generally split the days between the two of them so they each have Ian for a portion of the time. It's something they work out though. |
| posted by Jaxon on 07/10/2008 09:07 PM
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