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| Interracial Families |
| Public online group |
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Hi,
I'm new to this website and noticed this group. I am a Filipina American wife to a Caucasian husband. I didn't notice anyone posting much info.
Not only am a part of a interracial marriage but I am also 14 years older than my husband. I am a first time Mom at 41 years old as well.
My husband and I have battles with his parents, specifically his Mom. She claims it's the age difference, but I strongly feel it's because I am a strong, confident, independent Brown woman. Anyone else running into family discourse because of your race? Would love to hear and further discuss! |
| Posted by Big G on 06/27/2008 01:04 AM
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Hi,
I am a 35 year old first time mom of twin boys who just turned one year in May. My husband is a 37 year old Latin man and I'm a caucasian. His mom hates me, I am not sure why. It may be because I'm white, she never told my husband why. Everytime I see her, afterward she always picks something out and says bad things about me behind my back. I know this because I am told by my husband and other family on his side that like me and try to get her to stop, but she just keeps it up. She has gone as far as to ruin our wedding and thankfully my husband put an end to that and fixed it before it went too far. I just refuse to see her anymore and I don't even let her see the boys because I just don't trust her and I don't want to give her anything to talk about. So, I kinda know what you are going through.
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| posted by Gina on 06/27/2008 01:22 AM
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Hi Big G
Congratulations for standing up for yourself and being a confident Brown woman. I'm a first time mom. We have an 8 month old. My advice is to keep being firm. If you're getting unwanted advice, listen and say it's something to think about and then stop. Eventually it might become second nature just to let your mother in law talk. A few well chosen words are always better than arguing. She will realize she can't control your actions and back off. Be confident about how you raise your child you don't have to justify anything, especially since you're not a 21 year old just starting in life. You know more than a few things. I hope this helps. Also, make sure your husband always supports your position, even if he disagrees with you. You have to have a united front or they will exploit it.
Good luck |
| posted by mayerline on 06/27/2008 09:42 AM
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HI! I'm ethnically Chinese, born and raised in Singapore. My husband is Caucasian, and comes from a small town in the midwest. We live in a predominantly white neighbourhood. We have a 6 month old son. We're fortunate that the extended family all seems to get along.
My personal anxiety is how to give my son the best of both worlds. I'm don't speak Chinese very well myself, and have difficulty relating to people from Mainland China. Yet it seems very important to me that my son understand his noncaucasian background.
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| posted by Su-Wen on 06/27/2008 10:05 AM
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Hi Su-Wen
Welcome. I just have a couple of ideas. Up here in NY, Chinese language schools are all the rage, even for non-chinese children, so maybe try to look one up in your area. If not in your small town maybe in a bigger town nearby. The other idea is to maybe discuss a type of immersion with your husband, for example, a vacation every year to China for 2 weeks or a month. That way your child will be exposed to the culture and you can learn along.
Have you joined the bilingual/Multi-language group? the have a ton of information on the page about website for bilingual families and resources. Hope this help. Good luck. Mayerline |
| posted by mayerline on 06/27/2008 10:32 AM
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| Thanks everyone for your encouraging postings responses. Yah, I agree with Mayerline about being firm and allowing my Mother in law to just talk, but unfortunately in my particular situation there's much, much more history there. She's frustrating, and it's hard sometimes to ignore her thoughtless comments (i.e. she told my husband that she can "perform" and smile for her after being told our daughter was fussy and not feeling it today). Fortunately my husband and I have a joint front and won't stand for her comments, nor will she ever babysit our child. We have very distinct and specific ideals of how to raise our child. That includes which people we want influencing our child, even at a mere age of 3 months old. She hasn't realized that she doesn't have "entitlement" just because she's a grandparent. |
| posted by Big G on 07/01/2008 02:30 AM
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