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| Need to Vent Group |
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| ok so here's the issue, my family and i are fairly close. i actually enjoy spending some time with my parents..moreso now than before because they retired and now snowbird 1000 miles away every winter. the issue is that my husband does not really like my dad (he annoys him) all that much so he never wants to go with me to my rents house. when i do finally get him to go with me, he watches tv the entire time and wants to go after an hour. when he doesnt go, then i have to answer the inquisiton from my dad "where's that husband of yours?" see, my dad told me before i got married that i was making a mistake and it wouldnt last because a)we were too young (20 and 21) and b) because i refused to take any of my hubby's crap. my mom really layed into him for that...that was 5 years ago. needless to say we are still together. it seems to me that my dad is looking for signs of my relationship failing and so i feel compelled to lie and say my hubby is working rather than he just didn't want to come...what floodgates that would open. anyway so when my hubby doesn't go he gets mad at me when i spend several hours there chatting w my mom and playing cards...he pulls out the whole "u never want to spend time with me and you'd rather be with your rents" spiel. anyone else have this problem? |
| Posted by Katie on 06/26/2008 09:09 PM
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Definetly!! My fiancee is exactly the same way, well i dont know that they annoy him. but he pretty much refuses to go, and when he does he watches tv. last year when i was pregnant my mom, and step father rented a beach house for a week, and took my younger brother and sister, and my step sister (they are 13, 18, and 16 so they still do the whole family vaca thing) well my fiancee, his best friend and i all went down for the day. my fiancee spent the entire time glued to the tv, watching sportscenter while his best friend hung out with me and my family.
thats just a little wierd for me.
though i should add that he works 3rd shift, so he is usually sleeping when i go over. but i also have to force him to go other times, and when he isnt sleeping or busy, i ALWAYS make excuses about why he didnt come. i was always embarassed for him. eventually my mom just stopped inviting him to her house. i mean he was welcome, but i think she knew that it made me uncomfortable, because i was always trying to come up with excuses.
he doesnt really mind me going there, but it bothers me that he never goes with me. most of his family lives out of state, and i have gone up there on two different occasions for one week each time, and spent every minute of it with his family. we have been together two years and he has spent maybe 6 hours total with my family. that is including all holidays.
I know im just ranting but your post just made me think of all of this, and i know how you feel, at least about him not going to your parents. (oh and we got engaged when i was 19 and he was 21, and my real dad said the same thing)
Don't worry, you are definetly not alone... as for a solution, thats one thing i cant help you with, but if i find one, i will let you know. |
| posted by Becky on 06/26/2008 10:04 PM
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| It's the same thing with my husband. He only sees my family on holidays. He works 2nd shift right now but he is going back to third when my stepson starts first grade. So before when he was on 3rd shift he wouldn't do anything but lay on the couch. It drives me crazy. Now when I ask him to do things with my family he says set it up. I'll set it up but then he says those times won't work and I have to switch it around again. He doesn't get along with my dad very well. He hates my sister and her boyfriend. He doesn't have anything in common with my family. And then when he does go with us he looks pissed. So I'm right there with ya. I was 19 and he was 22. There's a big age difference between us. He has a son from his x girlfriend. My dad was pissed about this hole situation. He didn't like that I was with my husband because he already has a kid and he was into alot of drugs before his son was born. He doesn't use them anymore. My dad just wasn't happy with it. Sometimes I feel he still isn't. But he hardly sees my family. But WE ALWAYS See he's. It drives me crazy too. Your not alone. |
| posted by Kris on 06/27/2008 10:05 AM
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Maybe it has something to do with getting married young (or engaged in my case) it seems that we all did, and none of them want to have anything to do with our families.
but believe it or not, this helped, i thought he was the only one that did that. it is nice to know you arent alone. |
| posted by Becky on 06/27/2008 10:34 AM
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One thing you have to remember is that in your Dad's eyes nobody will ever be good enough for you. I got lucky my in laws live in Georgia and my mom is in Vegas so all we do is talk on the phone. But I miss living close and my hubby likes my mom I am the one that sometimes gets annoyed.
He is just going to have to accept your family....is his family close? maybe he doesn't have that type of relationship so he doesn't know how to handle it. Too bad for him if you spend "hours" there.
All men give that stupid line about wanting to spend time together. I got my hubby on it once when I cancelled my plans and sat at home all day. He played on the computer and did his thing and at the end of the day I asked if his way of spending time with me was just having me at home.
Family is a package deal specially if you are close to yours..... I am sure we are made to feel guilty if we don't go to our in laws. They just have to suck it up it's not an everyday thing and if he tries to talk about a cool hobby or a same interest to your dad maybe that would make time go by faster.
Sorry even though I have no family here I am all about staying close. They are the ones that will be there always. |
| posted by Kristhal on 06/27/2008 11:48 PM
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| No but I wish my parents were here for me to see.Mine r in tx and I am in michigan.I wouldnt give a damn what the hubby said.you go and spend time w ur parents as much as u can cause 1 day their health is gonna fail and there r gonna pass and then they wont be there for u.u tell him maybe he needs to spend time w his own.I hate my hubbys kin folk ;they r selfish, self-centered ppl who dont give a damn but for themselves.they remind me of fkg birds.they hatched u ,fed u,now ur old enuf ,now fly away and dont come back! |
| posted by Lexi on 06/28/2008 01:40 PM
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| he doesn't really have a close relationship with his dad but his mom and him get along pretty well. he is always complaining about her but i know that he loves her and cares about her. I love his mom too, she is so sweet and she has made me feel like a part of the family from the day my hubby and i started dating. so of course i don't mind going to his mom's house. |
| posted by Katie on 07/01/2008 08:57 PM
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I would let your husband know that even if he doesnt enjoy your family, you do. And it is very very important for your kid(s) to get to spend time with their grandparents- on both sides. So, I would think of how much time you would like to spend with your family, something reasonable (depending on if you work in or out of the home) (I work out of the home, so reasonable for me is something like 5-6 hours at least every other week) and tell your husband that if he'd like to come he's welcome, but you are going to spend.... time with your family every.... (weekend, every other week, whatever). and stick to it, dont stop going but dont stay extra long either. That way, he'll understand that he is important to you, but your family is also. I think maybe he feels like you dont think he's as important as your family, because you make a concerted effort to spend time with your family. Maybe you need a date night too... that way you'll make a concerted effort for him too.
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| posted by Lisa on 07/25/2008 06:26 PM
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