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| Depression and Motherhood |
| Public online group |
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| I have three children. The youngest being one month old. I feel so under appreciated and overwhelmed. My two older children argue constantly. I wish they could just get along. My husband doesn't understand why I would be depressed. He thinks I have it made, which in a sense I do; but sometimes I wonder if it would be easier to go to work. Don't get me wrong I love spending time with my kids, but there is never a pat on the back for stay at home moms. I feel bad for feeling this way. Does anyone else feel this way? |
| Posted by susan on 06/19/2008 10:14 AM
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| Hi, I was just reading your post and i must say i thought i was the only one that felt this way also i have 3 kids ages 16, 11,& 9 months i was a single mom for a very long time i got married 3 yrs ago and we had a beautiful baby girl i had told myself after my youngest son that i wouldn't have any more kids because i had such a hard time raising my boys by myself from the time i got pregnant with her my depression got worse. I love my kids with all my heart but sometimes i feel unappreciated also im a stay at home mom now i just stopped working about 4 months ago and even though it's nice being home with my kids it's lonely at times and i get sad a lot my kids and husband don't understand that just saying mom i love and appreciate everything you do means a lot i don't think they understand that without me things wouldn't get done around here. Like you said a pat on the back would do me just fine. My kids don't argue alot but they do it enought to drive me nuts but they have such different personalities and the things they like to do are so different from one another so i think that is what keeps them from getting into it alot. I'm going back to work soon before i go CRAZY or school i really want to go to school. But what i want to say is that i understand you completely and don't feel bad... were not the only ones that feel this way were just the ones to tell someone about it. |
| posted by 3izDacharm on 07/14/2008 08:14 AM
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| Thanks for your reply. At least I don't feel like I'm the only one that feels this way. I am also thinking about a part-time job or going back to school just to make me feel better about myself and allow me to socialize outside of the home. Of course I'll have to work around my husband's schedule because the cost of daycare for 3 children under 8 years old gets a bit costly. Not to mention I don't want just anybody caring for my children. Keep your head up. I'm sending you a pat on the back from mom to mom. I know it's not as good as if it came from your family, but we have to take what we can get sometimes (Ha Ha!) I think they do appreciate us in their own ways; they just don't know how much it means to express it to us. When they have children of their own is when they will realize what a good job we did. As for husbands they will never fully understand. I hope to hear from you again. |
| posted by susan on 07/30/2008 12:15 PM
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yes, there are times I want to abandon the "duties" of motherhood and do something for myself but you know what i've realized? This is what makes us human. If we never felt this way we wouldnt be taking care of our own needs, in time it would take a toll on us, our families and our relationships.
I've learned if I'm happy, my household and everyone in it is too! Do what u feel u need to do to make yourself happy, our minds need stimulation and feedback which we dont really get from our kids so however you get it go for it!
I've been on the fence with depression since having my second baby 10 months ago. I'd loose my mind, scream and just feel out of control. I didnt want to me the lunatic mother my kids were scared of or didnt want to be around. Called my Dr. and after answering a few basic questions realized I was depressed! I first thought depression was staying in bed all day not wanting to do anything but I've realized you can be completly active taking care of everyone else's needs but your own and over time, that alone can cause depression. I'm now on wellbutrin and am much happier, MUCH! Being a mother is hard, no one really prepares you for how hard it really is. I should tell u i was working on Saturday's for a month after my baby was born leaving my husband with the kids for half a day. When two weeks had passed he said to me that he had a newfound respect for stay at home moms, he didn't think he could stay with kids everyday all day. He said he'd loose his mind and to me that was the best compliment! I remember those words when I feel under appericated by him. |
| posted by Yoni on 07/31/2008 02:56 PM
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| Hi, I'm new to this group. I admire all of you for being honest about what you're experiencing. I have one child who is now four months old and a very loving and supportive husband (who at times is inadvertantly unsupportive). I have been easily overwhelmed by one child...forget about three. I'm not sure if you're a Dr. Phil fan but he has stated on more than one occasion that a stay at home mom of three is the equivalent of a person working two full-time jobs... without the salary. There are times when I feel unappreciated and I think what do I have to complain about compared to others in the world. However, what's wrong with wanting appreciation/recognition for what you contribute to the world? Nothing. I'm certain your husband enjoys being appreciated for what he provides for the family (tangible and otherwise). Unfortunately, sometimes we have to solicit appreciation from our spouses at first in order for them to get it. Trust me , it does work though. My husband has a calm rational approach to things so I try to present my concerns/complaints that way so that he hears me (and doesn't chalk it up to hormones, which can play a role but doesn't or shouldn't minimize what I'm feeling). Your children may not show their gratitude or appreciation now but they will. Hang in there, you're not alone. |
| posted by Octavia on 07/31/2008 09:18 PM
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Do ya'll sometimes feel like you need a vacation from your life? Yes, I'm from the South-VA. Hope I'm not the only one.
Men will NEVER understand us; and, we'll never understand them. We're wired differently. I'm a single mom too. This is my boyfriend's third child; and, he still doesn't get it.
You have to feel good about yourself. I think, as women, we're so busy taking care of and making sure everyone else is okay--we forget about ourselves.
Make it happen ladies. Choose today to have something for yourself. After the kids are grown what will you have for yourself? You're the same women you were before your man and children came into your lives. What was your life like BC--before children? Do something to encourage yourself. Join a club, take a bubble bath, drink some green tea, take a walk, get a manicure or pedicure--it doesn't matter. The point is make a date with yourself. Do something for yourself. Don't forget to make time for your man.
Just don't lose your identity over your children and your man. Recharge your "battries" as my Grandma would say. Remember what makes you happy and what you want from life and go for it.
You deserve the best; and, are the only one who can give it to you.
Be blessed.
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| posted by Deanna on 08/05/2008 02:08 AM
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| I can relate. I have 3 kids also, ages 2, 4 & 11. Thank goodness 2 are in school right now. my youngest daughter finally gets me to herself for a few hours. I think it is hard keeping 3 kids occupied all day. for example, this past summer, that just ended, I had to keep all three fed and entertained all day. When you don't get a break from your kids ever, It can wear on you. All I can say is, remember that it gets better as they get older and start going to school. Just hang in there. things are always changing when you have kids. |
| posted by lisa on 08/05/2008 03:27 PM
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| Hi lisa your so right, my kids have been here with me all summer i love spending time with them but buying food and like you said keeping them entertained is the challenge for me but it's almost school time were going shopping to day HURRAY!!! LOL Have a wonderful day!!!! :) |
| posted by 3izDacharm on 08/06/2008 12:59 PM
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| Hi, I just joined your group and have been reading your posts. I have 2 girls, 17 months and 8 years. I feel guilty alot about being so depressed. I wake up every morning wondering who I am. I feel like I've lost myself in the lives of my husband and children. I stay at home everyday with my girls and I know that's what I chose to do ( at least I think I chose) and I really love being with them all day. I just keep thinking there used to be more to me than dirty diapers and chores. |
| posted by Bree on 08/14/2008 08:42 PM
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| I posted earlier and decided to come back and read everyones posts again because today was one of those days. I wasn't getting anything accomplished I wanted to (even though it was for the family) I kept spilling things ALL DAY LONG, stubbed my toe twice and of course on top of all that had uncomfortable cramps. The thoughts of "this is my life?" went thru my head and wow! that really got me down. I'm still on wellbutrin and my baby girl is going to be 1yr. next month. No rush to stop taking it, SAHM are on a constant roller coaster. Happy we're home, unhappy because we're lonely, happy that we get to raise our kids not daycare but unhappy that this is it everyday! Agh! So, reading everyones advise including my own I am going to take this advice and go do something for me tomorrow when my mother comes to visit with the kids. It's all easier said then done isn't it? |
| posted by Yoni on 09/08/2008 09:03 PM
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