 |
|
|
|
| Stay at Home Moms |
| Public online group |
|
|
| |
|
|
| My husband recently decided that he's "done" and moved out. I'm not quite sure what he's "done" with, but that's beside the point. My oldest son is 2 and is having a really hard time with daddy not being around. He's acting out, asking for him constantly, and taking it out on me when I tell him "Daddy's not here." I don't know what to do. This has been hard enough as it is, with out my son being angry too. I'm doing everything I can to keep my feelings off of my face so he doesn't pick up on me, but everything I've tried as far as dealing with this situation has blown up in my face. My husband won't make up his mind on what he wants, so I'm stuck in the crossfire in the meantime. HELP!!! |
| Posted by Deseret on 06/17/2008 11:30 PM
|
|
|
|
| |
|
|
| I cannot give any advice about the divorce and how to help your child cope with that. But, I can let you know about my situation in that my husband is active duty and has recently deployed to Iraq. My daughter is only 1 year old and even so, understood Daddy was gone (but didn't know why). Being as young as she is, I cannot really tell her where he really went. As age appropriate as I could think of was to tell her, Daddy went to work and he'll be back soon. She went from seeing him one day to not seeing him again, at all. It was hard on her too. She didn't eat well for a month. She became very clingy, tantrums, etc. You know, and I felt as you, keep a happy face, don't let them know you're hurting. But, I couldn't some times. I cried. I cried in front of her or with her, some times in the beginning. We were both adjusting, missing him, hurting, feeling insecure. And I think it was ok to show her I felt that way too (though I kept it at a minimum the best I could and cried on the shoulders of my friends as I do not have family here) - so she knows it's ok for her to feel that way. She needed to let it out the way she knew how. And I let her and just tried to provide all the hugs and attention she needed and asked for. She eventually started eating again, being happy, etc. It took a month. So I don't know how recent your husband left, but give it some time for your kids and yourself. Your kids will come around a lot faster than you think - especially because they are young. And utilize the help of your friends, family, etc. What I was told was, you gotta make at least one friend like a sister or your best friend. You just have to - even if in normal circumstances you probably wouldn't. Because you need to release and heal too. You gotta take care of yourself because your kids will be stressed if you are stressed. I've learned that it is sort of a given. They're just intuitive that way. I hope something I told you of my experience helped you - even though they are different circumstances. *hugs* |
| posted by on 06/17/2008 11:52 PM
|
|
|
|
|
I left my husban about a year ago and then came back.My son was about a year and half when I left and turned two towards the time when I thought we were completely over. Although he might have been younger then your two year old at the time, he was smart enough to know that daddy was no longer around and the tension was, but the tension was there more then not when his father and I were together.I reminded my self of this each time I felt bad. Also, I had a problem with him calling other childrens fathers his own or asking"where's daddy?", when he confused some other childs father as his own, I corrected him and I explained to him that "daddy is at work".
Don't worry.At least you still have your child.My husban took my son and that is why I am back and I will be where you are at one day again and my plan will be strong enough to hold our son away from the tension.
When you feel sad,think about how lucky you are to not have lossed your child only to come back to a relationship just so you can keep your child.It is terrible and a constant feeling of wanting to break free.Kiss your boy on his head next time he asks and just say"Daddy is at work".Then if he asks"when is he coming home?"Just say "When he's done ". |
| posted by Kristy on 06/18/2008 12:30 AM
|
|
|
|
|
| I know this advice is going to sound completely weird and out there... but listen to the radio show Dr. Laura for 7 days, I believe you'll listen to enough callers to know EXACTLY what to do... & don't forget you always have God to hand things over too! God Bless, I'm sorry you have to go through this |
| posted by Candice on 06/18/2008 02:14 AM
|
|
|
|
|
| I am geting a divorce to and i have 3 kids my oldest being 7yrs old a girl, my son 3yrs old, and my youngest daughter 6 months old. I have just been trying to be there for them and letting them tell me how they feel. I do express my feelings about it to them it helps them deal with he divorce. Hiding your feelings doesn't help the situation. Show your son that you are hurt and angry and confused about the divorce and let him know it is okay to be angry |
| posted by judi on 06/18/2008 11:25 AM
|
|
|
|
|
I wish I could be there with a cup of coffee, sitting across the table with you and holding your hand. Since I can't be right there with you this is the best I can do for you. Dear Lord, Please be with Deseret and her young family, I don't understand all the circumstances but I know YOU know.
Please help whatever it was that caused her husband to leave, that he would get a Christian friend to help him and his marriage. Thank-you Lord for being there when we call on YOU and that YOU can save this marriage and put this family back together...IN YOUR NAME..AMEN..
I will keep you and your family in my thiughts and prayers..Becky
Be strong and a good courage, be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed, for The Lord thy God is with you whether so ever thou goest...
They that wait upon The Lord will renew their strength,
They shall mount up with wings as eagles,
They shall run and not be worry, they shall walk and not faint..
There is noone else that will listen and be there with you always.. |
| posted by Rebecca on 06/23/2008 08:25 AM
|
|
|
|
|
Here is a great web article that might help you
http://www.parents.com/family-life/divorce/coping/what-children-understand-about-divorce/?esrc=nwast&email=1302937915&sssdmh=dm17.322643 |
| posted by DB on 06/24/2008 05:00 PM
|
|
|
|
| |
| |
|
|
|
| |  |
| |
|
|
|
