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| Parents of Teens |
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Hi everyone! This is my first time here. I read some of the posts and the advice seemed so sound, I figured I'd ask you all for help. My daughter is almost 14. She's involved in sports and does well in school. Pretty much a well rounded focused girl for her age. (already talks about college, etc)
She does, however, hang out with some older kids (16 is the oldest). She's always liked the older ones! My husband and I are very watchful (sneaky) over her with myspace and her texting. I just read some of her text and she said she is wanting to try pot with a friend of hers. We are very open with our drug and sex discussions with her, so she knows the consequences. My question is how do I bring this up again to her without her knowing I was reading her messages. My first words to my husband was "im gonna kill her"! But of course I won't. I'm just really angry that she would even consider doing this. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
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| Posted by Donna on 06/15/2008 04:32 PM
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| Because I'm no good at lying and avoiding talking about things, I'd probably have to tell my kid I was checking up on them and found out they were interested in trying pot, then make them talk by doing the silent treatment and not allowing them to do anything else until we talked. I'd also have to tell my kid I tried it a couple of times when I was younger and what the negative parts about it was. (I didn't like it at all). But I would not be at all supportive of them trying it. It's not like trying a new food - some people get addicted to it pretty quickly it seems. |
| posted by Kelly on 06/15/2008 05:34 PM
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I don't like to lie either, so I would bring up a conversation about how bad drugs are and not mention that I was snooping. I have let my kids know about my cousin, he is a heroin addict. All of the family had tried to intervene and help him, but he doesn't want to be helped so most of the family has turned their backs on him. He is a thief and a liar, he has stolen so much from my aunt that she has recently foreclosed on her house and is broke.
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| posted by sillymom on 06/16/2008 08:34 AM
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| Unfortunately, last year my teen decided to sneek out of the house and party till 2-3 in the morning. She was smoking pot and drinking. Fortunately, we have lots of people that were able to keep a watchful eye and she was caught. We found out right before summer. She was grounded the whole summer, she had absolutely no contact with friends, no phone priviledges, no cell phone and no my space. As far as we know she hasn't done it since. We are still weary of some of the friends she hangs out with, but we can't make all the choices for them, they do need to learn from their mistakes sometimes. I really try to have her friends come over more than her going to their house. I have come to realize that the majority of her friends parents allow the drinking at the birthday parties. Now, my daughter wants to go to a Rave party in L.A. There are going to be mass drugs and alcohol there. Of course there is no way we are going to let her go. We already told her she couldn't go, but she wants to discuss it futher. I did my research so I have valid reasons to give her. It is hard trying to prevent something from happening. All we can do as parents is to let our children know ahead of time the rules of the home and the consequences if they are not followed. You don't want your child to know you were reading her text messages, it would make her angry and maybe more defiant or she might get scared knowing that you found out and it might keep her from doing it. You will have to determine that. I always bring up the story of my cousin who is homeless because all he does is smoke pot and drink everyday. He doesn't have any money at all, usually lives in a tent or on the street. Itsounds like your daughter has a good head on her shoulders, but is just curious. Just remind her of the rules and the consequences in the home. I don't have any true advice because we are going through the same thing and trying to figure out what works for our daughter. Stay strong and you will get through this. |
| posted by Mickey on 06/16/2008 12:05 PM
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| Thank you all for your great advice. We did have along talk last night and she did get angry that I read her text. I told her the reason why I've been reading them is because she changed a little about 2 weeks ago. She had a fallen out with her best friend (who's a boy). I explained that it's not that I don't trust her, I don't trust her friends which she will understand when she's a Mom. I also let her know that even though I know most teens want to experiment, it's not such a good idea at age 13/14. (I honestly know that this is when it all begins alot of times... it did for me) but if she's going to do it, I want to hold her off as long as possible. As I said, she is such a focused kid that it just floored me that she'd want to try it. As smart as I am, I have alot to learn as well! Again, thank you for all your great advice. This is a wonderful forum and I wish I knew about it years ago! |
| posted by Donna on 06/16/2008 12:26 PM
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| Well thx God I havent had to deal w that yet;but if I ever do Ill tell them if I find out that they are doing that; Im gonna turn them in and all their lil friends.The first time that one of em comes in my house w dialated eyes; they are going to the hospital and then the police station.I have zero tolerance w drugs or alcohol. |
| posted by Lexi on 06/17/2008 05:16 PM
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| I have 0 tolerance for that either Lexi. Thank God she didn't do anything. Her "friend" is petrified of me and hubby right now (rightly so!). My daughter is not allowed to hang with her anymore, but I did invite her friend over to have a "chat" with me. Mommy instincts tell me to talk to her friend as she comes from a not so solid home environment. Actually, alot of her friends are from broken homes, so I do take alot of them under my wing. I wish she was 2 again!!!!! |
| posted by Donna on 06/17/2008 06:27 PM
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Donna, my son has not experienced this, nor does he want to. We have had open discussions about this. I too, read his texting, and it infuriates him. I would much rather know what is going on now, rather than later.
I too, prefer that his friends come over to our house. He too has friends who's parents work all day, or leave them alone in the house, who parents do drink and feel it is OK for their kids to experience it too, as long as it is in their homes. I do not approve of this,neither does my husband.
I've learned one thing, is parenting is tested every single day when you are with a teenager. I feel it really depends on their moods, sometimes their moods are affected by the people they hang out with. We can really read him, and know what's going on when he turns on his attitude.
I always thought it was easier to raise a daughter than a son, but, I guess they are both equally painful, testing, and overall loving beautiful children.
Welcome to the board, and I hope you enjoy like I have enjoyed it. |
| posted by esther on 06/18/2008 03:02 PM
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