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Could you believe that the stress we are experiencing in our days, the negative emotions that come along with it, and the negative affects that it has on our lives and bodies is actually a CHOICE that we make...or rather, our own PERCEPTION of the situation we find ourselves in? It is true...read on.
In his book, Power vs. Force, psychologist Dr. Hawkins says, "psychological stress is the net effect of a condition that is being resisted...s.a. current activity, but the condition does not have any power in itself. NOTHING HAS THE POWER TO CREATE STRESS...It is your resistance to the present moment, to the activity at hand...all stress is INTERNALLY generated by one's attitudes...According to the overall way that we interpret the meaning of events, the same situation may be tragic or comic. Psychologically speaking, in the CHOICE OF ATTITUDE, one chooses between endorphins or catabolic adrenaline."
Respond with comments and examples of this difference in perceptions, where to one a situation may be tragic, but to another it is comic. |
| Posted by Jennifer on 05/28/2008 05:07 PM
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| I will use an example of my husband's and my own ways of dealing with something as simple as spilt milk. My husband, who is normally stressed out, will respond with disappointment, if not anger, if milk gets spilled at the dinner table. I, on the other hand, choose not to go there...I know that a negative reaction towards an accident of our children's is useless and pointless. My reaction is focused on simply getting the mess cleaned up! |
| posted by Jennifer on 05/28/2008 05:09 PM
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| My husband constantly absent mindedly leaves his stuff for the morning (keys,wallet,belt) everywhere and anywhere. I wake up at 5 am and make his breakfast (sometimes just a bowel of cereal sometimes more) and make his lunch and he will say "Do you know where my (fill in the blank) is?". I have to say that I am not a morning person at all and especially at 5 in the morning. When I am in the middle of of making his lunch and the dog wants to be let out and the cat wants her food and my son wants out of his bed and then my hubby asks me where anything is I flip out! I mean how am I suppose to know where something is that he put down/took off while I was at work. So now I am looking for something central (a shelf,table etc) to place by the door where he can drop that stuff off at as soon as he walks in the door. The thing is that my hubby reacts as it is "No big deal we will find them" and I am running around huffing and puffing like a chicken with my head cut off. He is the much more laid back of the two of us. |
| posted by Kyleen on 05/29/2008 07:43 AM
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I had a couple of comments. While I agree that we do have a choice about whether we take on stress or not, or the attitude that we come to the situation with, I think that many times our choices are influenced by patterns and habits. Sometimes we may have responded in certain characteristic ways for a long time, maybe because it was a way to survive something more painful, maybe because it was just the way we knew... but choice-making is powerful and scary too. It sounds so easy to make new choices, and it can be, but ... I've had to use baby steps myself, and trying to practice making better choices, and trust the decisions I make.
Kyleen, you talked about guilt/fear getting in the way of things in another thread, and I can really relate. It can be paralyzing. I think honestly that guilt/fear of embarrassment has been my primary motivation for a lot of how I've lived my life. Too much of it.
Here's a silly example of perception difference/stress:
I have a family friend (quite a bit older than me) who I did feel really uncomfortable with when she came to my home, because she'd known me as a child, known my parents and idolized them (they passed away when I was still a child), and hadn't known much about me since then/wouldn't (I felt) approve of my life as an adult. At this time (about 4 years ago) I was unmarried and living with the man who is now my husband. When she came over unexpectedly one time, my cat became extremely aggressive and wouldn't let her through the door. Hissed, attacked the screen, etc. I was mortified.
However, it's kind of funny for me to think about now (though I still want to be prepared if she's coming over)... and I realize I was so strongly embarrassed and feeling some sort of misplaced shame, just by the idea of her disapproving of my life, that my cat actually picked up on it and to this day doesn't want her near me. Now, I'm a little more comfortable with the fact that my life is not meant to be my parents' life, and it matters more what I think of myself and my choices, and what my faith/beliefs are, than it does what anyone else might think. And I need to stop analyzing what I think other people think! (cause I'm not always right about that) |
| posted by Debbie on 05/30/2008 01:37 AM
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Debbie,
I can completely relate to how you want others to perceive your life, or more importantly for some people (myslef included) the perceptions we project on to other people about our own lives. I mean I am constantly worried about what other people think of me or my life choices and I tend to think they think the worst (even though that may not be the case). This is a huge part of the stress that I feel and the real question is what baby steps are needed to change this because for me it is definately a deep seeded patteren in my life. |
| posted by Kyleen on 05/30/2008 08:13 AM
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Baby Steps...
Step One: Finding and making the choice to be a part of a group of women who discuss and problem solve important women's issues.
Step Two: Diving in to these discussions with passion.
Step Three: Reflecting inwardly on these issues.
Step Four: Researching information related to these issues.
Step Five: Voicing your ideas, questions, and comments...
Just the fact that you have started thinking about your Guilt/Fear will get you on the right track...you can now see your Guilt/Fear based reactions in your day...and now you are wondering why you respond this way...Next you will wonder what it is that you need to learn from these uncomfortable situations that you find yourself in.
When I think of baby steps, I think of mental processes...not necessarily something you can take action against...it is more of a new way of seeing yourself, and embracing whatever it is you see...This is what will open up the "new" you that is already there in you...this woman knows what hurts you and wishes for you to do what is best for you...I know this woman in me to be always patient, kind, loving, understanding, compassionate. When I think of what she looks like...she sits behind my eyes, her eyes closed and she smiles a very wise smile...she acknowledges me and reassures me that she is always there, always accepting my every move, always waiting for me to allow her to come forth, to be in the moment (no matter how crazy it is) with me...to guide me to do what is best for all (which includes me).
She is me. |
| posted by Jennifer on 05/30/2008 04:31 PM
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Thank you for the great response Jennifer. And give that wise woman behind your eyes a hug from the one behind mine.
Other babysteps I'm trying:
Practice trust: Catching myself worrying and flipping it around to see an opportunity for me to trust. (actually, I'm on the babystep before this right now, which for me is trying to recognize how often I'm worrying and not even acknowledging it as disruption)
Remembering that undervaluing myself is not helping anyone, and belittling myself is a rejection of what I've been given and the love God wants me to know.
Practice accepting help when it comes my way, and don't cheapen the gift of it by trying to repay/return everything. (this is SO hard for me)
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| posted by Debbie on 05/31/2008 12:52 AM
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