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| Raising Girls |
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| So I have a predicament... I have an almost 12 year old niece as well as 14 year old niece, they are not sisters but cousins... anyway my 14 year old niece tells my husband and I that her cousin, the 12 year old... curses a lot... in private of course, around and to her friends... especially using the infamous Paris Hilton dialog if anyone is unpleasantly familiar with it... where it is supposed to be a comical endearment to greet your girlfriends with a "Hi B*itch"... or a cute "Hey S*ut"... I know it's so wrong that this behavior is glorified for our young girls to copy. But the thing is that I am dumbfounded, I mean we are obviously not so naive that we think the children in our family are perfect but this girl is the sweetest girl, always has been.. has had a solid... I mean solid Christian foundation ALL of her life... and it really shows in the wonderful things about her and her personality, as well as her commitments and involvement with our church. Even her TV options have always been limited to what is considered appropriate. I have to say I really think some peer pressure has gotten to her, she has always been very impressionable and sensitive... and now she has fallen into a behavior that is awful and if her mother knew she would literally have a cow... not to mention she thinks her children are next to perfect and that if anything goes wrong it was more someone else's fault. Now mind you this 12 year old has 5 other siblings and she notices when things fall into the cracks... I know in my heart that she is simply making a mistake, not being watched quite as close as before all the other siblings (it was just her for the 1st five years of her life) she's being misguided and using bad judgment, it's not the end of the world.. but if we can't go to her mother, because of "ratting" out the 14 year old... I know that my next best bet is to make an impression on my 12 year old niece to somehow address this or even similar behavior just to get a point across. We are a very close family and we take it as our responsibility to be there for each other and each other's children. If this were my daughter I wouldn't want it to be let go, whether I knew about it or not... please help!! |
| Posted by Samantha on 05/15/2008 01:34 AM
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If her only behaviour is "cussing" and let alone that it is in a "copy the stars" manner, then just leave it be. When you are with her and hear it on the outside that is the time to make a comment, such as "Did you hear what that person said? It sounds so vulgar and dirty." Make it a point to show what the words themselves sound like without using her as the excuse.
She is only expressing her independence and "ability" to rebel, and that is normal for some at that age. Yes you are right peer pressure has had something to do i wth it, but it is more society rather than peer pressure, Curses and other obsenities are now acceptable in the outside world.
If she were raised right (and from what i hear you saying she certainly is) then it is a phase she will out grow. If your other niece is appalled at this language (which she is or she wouldnt have ratted), thenlet her say something when the girl uses the language like ewwwww you sound like trash.
I have 5 girls 23,20,18,17 and 16. The girls were raised in NYC, so ............what you consider shocking words are actually everyday verbs where we are from, and yes those words are horrible, and yes my girls used them and so did i, but as we grow we outgrow them, as we find ourselves we learn what is right and wrong.
The most important lesson I have learned raising 5 girls is, choose your battles...........and if this is the worst, it isnt worth it. |
| posted by Theresa on 05/15/2008 05:34 AM
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