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| Step Families / Blended Families |
| Public online group |
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I have two children. one 13, my first from a previous marriage.My son Izzy is 8mths with my current relationship.
It appears his family ideals are like night and day.
Examples:
His belief. My daughters family is separate from "his family" -meaning me him and Izzy...even though we are all living together.
My former in laws (dad's aunt, cousins,etc) are not recognized by him as my family, even though i still love them. they LOVE Izzy, have helped me during my pregnancy and are an active part of his life though he isn't my ex's son..Izzy dad's relatives did NOTHING FOR ME or Izzy and still don't...
Izzy's dad has an 18yrs old son .....he hasnt seen his little brother yet.
My daughter's dad fully welcomes and cares for Izzy. Izzy's dad treats my daughter like a roommate more than a step daughter.
I
zzy's dad isolates himself from my family,my daughters family, but wants Izzy to have full access to HIS relatives.
(Sigh).....I have talked about this,but it always leads to arguing.
This whole situation is one big mess and my heart is breaking.what can i do to bring us all together ....as a family.
I can't take this anymore.
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| Posted by a on 05/03/2007 02:15 PM
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Let me understand this right: you have a problem with your present partner (Izzy's father) because he does not want to include your daughter and other important people for you in your family life.
I guess you have to talk to him and make arragements to see this people also without him because there is no reason to loose your support group.
With reagard to your daughter it is a little bit more difficult because you can not impose someone to become a stepfather if he does not want that role. However, he should be respectful even if he does not take that responsability.
Each of us carry with us a past with people and experiences that are part of who we are, so there is no reason to cut off this people. Maybe he is a bit jealous!
It is important also to talk about delicate matter like this one at a right moment, and to make it an important conversation otherwise you will end up just arguing.
I hope things will be smoother...
Vero |
| posted by Vero on 05/03/2007 03:45 PM
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I can kinda understand. My daughter is 8 and I am currently married to her stepfather who is the father of my 3 year old son and the baby I am pregnant with now. Maybe things are a little easier for me considering that My daughter is younger but there is always issues. Yes these issues cause alot of arguements, when I first began to date my husband my daughter and him struggled soo much.
That was our biggest fight, it took alot of conversations, and alot of arguments. It is true though you cannot make him want to be a father to your daughter you can only express how you feel and continue to so that he will understand how important it is that your daughter feels like she is in the family.
Don't stop being involved with your ex's family, that support is needed. I think that if you tell zzy's father how important his role is to your daughter and once he starts to show more parenting to her his family will follow. Just a thought, Good luck keep your head up |
| posted by Tina on 05/03/2007 05:08 PM
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Thanks guys, your advise is so heplful.It has given me a new perspective about things. This is all so new to me. And being that I have never seen this with my mom or grandmom, they never remarried after their husbands died, I didnt have an example of what to do. So being raised in a predominately single parent household can make things a bit one sided at times. I appreciate all the advise/opinion that come to this post. The insight I receive means alot:)
Amarie |
| posted by a on 05/04/2007 07:39 AM
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