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| Stay at Home Moms |
| Public online group |
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| Does anyone else tend to feel overwhelmed by all the responsibilty that is put on you because you're a SAHM. If so how do you deal with it? I want to say something to my husband but i feel like these are duties I should be responsible for since I don't work! Any advice. |
| Posted by zafria on 05/07/2008 08:53 AM
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| I understand completely! I have 3 girls (1yr, 2yr, and 5), I run my own business out of my home, and I have just started homeschooling the oldest who is 5. This should be no problem since I am a former teacher. Wrong! Everything seems to get in the way. I have found that I have to schedule my time. Early mornings are for my business, 10-11 is set aside for school, nap time is for any phone calls that need to be made, and afternoons are set aside for everything else. The problem is that there are days (too many) that I don't want to do anything and everything gets pushed to later. I am realizing that I have to stick with the schedule or nothing gets done and everyone is frustrated. Try to focus on one day and set a reasonable goal just for that day. If you get it done, reward yourself! |
| posted by Dawn on 05/07/2008 10:34 AM
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You are definitely not alone! There is a reason that when "experts" rate the value of all of the services of a SAHM, they value our work at over 100K per year! You'll have to figure out a plan of attack. I am not a "planner" so this was very hard for me and extremely hard for my husband to understand why I couldn't get everything done. I finally wrote down all of the things that I do besides watch Brett and asked him to do the same. After that, he didn't bug me so much and actually helps once and a while.
I have resorted to paying all of the bills via automatic payment and online so that I don't have to worry about them and can reconcile the accounts when I get the chance.
The laundry is ongoing. I start it when I get up and fold it when Brett has playtime in his room. I put it away when he takes his nap.
The dishes are put into the dishwasher all day and run at night. I put them away while Brett is playing in his play yard and watching a video in the morning.
I will give him finger foods so that I can get up and sweep the floor or do another quick errand.
I work out while he takes a nap too. Not everyday, but if not then, then I at least do some situps or pushups or both right before bed so that I don't feel so lazy.
The grocery shopping is a marathon event that I get hubby to watch Brett for. I made a list of things that we need all of the time and then I have a list that I keep on the fridge that we write things down that run out or are close to running out. I get all of my coupons together and hit the market. I do this big shopping once a month and then I can take Brett with me for the little produce visits without it being too much of a hassle.
I know that my house isn't as clean or organized as it was before, but my son is happy and that is what matters. If my friends don't get that, then they probably aren't the friends that we need to keep.
I hope this helps. Just think of little ways to do your thing when you can even if it is just 5 minutes at a time. 5 minutes adds up in the long run!
Take care and hang in there! Your kid will love you for it. |
| posted by Lisa on 05/07/2008 11:30 AM
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| Yes! We as mothers have a lot of responsibility! Stop being so hard on yourself. Start off with making a list of important responsibilites that matter to you most. Then, one night when the kids go to bed, sit down with your husband and ask him what are the most important responsibilities that matter to him most. Ask him if you can compromise on the list so you don't feel so overwhelmed. That way the both of you are getting what matters to you both. I don't know how willing he will be but maybe you could work together on something that you both enjoy! Hope that helps! |
| posted by Teresa on 05/07/2008 12:10 PM
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| I understand completely as well I have 3 kids 7 yr old daughter, 3 yr old boy, and a 5 month old daughter. When i need to do laundry i have my son come with me and bring the monitor to here the baby and i ahve my son help me put clothes from the washer to the dryer. When i need to do dishes i wait til my oldest is home frm school and done with her home work so she can be in the room to talk to her baby sister that way i don't have to stop every few seconds to tend to the baby. When the trash needs to be bagged up i get the two oldest to help bag up the trash. when i need to vaccuum every so often my oldest will volunteer to vaccuum |
| posted by judi on 05/07/2008 01:37 PM
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| thank all of you soooo much for those responses. i was moved to tears to know that i was not alone and that others were experiencing my frustration. thank you also for the suggestions they were really helpful. |
| posted by zafria on 05/07/2008 02:21 PM
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trust me you are not alone!!!
My husband works way too much, he works from home most of the time but is always fixing one problem or another. and since his work affects universities and libraries world wide he has to get this stuff fixed as soon as possible. So even getting him to rinse his dish is unheard of.
I love being home and I don't mind cleaning and I love to cook. But sometimes it is overwhelming specially when I have to fight with my step son to do chores. he throws a temper tantrum like if he is 5 instead of 12. So I just gave up told him not to bother I will do everything but he can't get on the computer or the PS2. he was not happy and tried to make it up to me but I didn't give in he can suffer for a while.
My husband used to vacuum and it was great but the house we just moved into has all wood floors or tile so there went his chore. He does play with the baby as much as possible on his non busy days so I get as much done as I can. But I learned how to schedule things here lately.
AM I get up if she is still asleep I leave her with dad in bed and make coffee and clean up the kitchen. (if awake I change her and put her in her saucer in the kitchen with me and she plays while I do coffee and clean)
if she is still content then I pick up toys or anything out of place and start to sweep. since she will be crawling soon I have to get in this habit and my step son was warned if anything is left out that she can put in her mouth that is his it goes in the trash. he has his own room for a reason.
he does entertain her while i cook dinner because he actually does love his sister and loves to make her laugh so that does help me a lot.
Good luck
it gets easier once you find what they keep themselves entertained with. Do you have a jumper like the ones that hang in the door way?my daughter loves that thing since she was 5 months
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| posted by Kristhal on 05/07/2008 06:05 PM
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You are not alone, i feel that way too. I did talk to my husband an just told him how i was feeling an that helped alot just to get it off my chest. I think all sahm feel that way. There is alot we have to do but dont let it over whelm you just enjoy being around your kids.
I know when i start to get overwhelmed i just look into my daughters blue eyes an all that just goes away. An things will get better. |
| posted by on 05/07/2008 08:54 PM
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| wow, i am so glad that i joined this website. you all have made me feel really comfortable. i know it sounds cheesy but it's almost like were a group of friends sitting around the table talking. you all have been so helpful, i need help with two more situations though...my 15mo old son still sleeps in bed with us and sucks on a pacifier. is it too early to ween him from the passy or should i just let him get rid of it when he's ready? if i take it from him he'll just whine all day long and that is sooo annoying. we just end up giving it back to him and how can i get him to sleep in his own bed without waking up 4 and 5 times a night to put him back in ? |
| posted by zafria on 05/07/2008 10:22 PM
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| I don't have any advice on the pacifier because it's what you can tolerate with his behavior. It does take at least three sleepless nights to break them of sleeping in there own bed. After that it will get less of him crying but you just have to make a decision and stick to it. It's tough love. Just imagine how much better you and your husband will sleep and feel once your child sleeps in his own bed. Good Luck and stick to your decision! |
| posted by Teresa on 05/08/2008 09:12 AM
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What helped with us cause we used to cosleep, is during the day when she would take naps i would put her in her crib she would cry but it was one of those things that you stand outside the door an cry yourself but i knew she was ok . She would only cry for a little while.
I did that for about 2 wks then we started putting her in her crib at night . There were nights that i was up 3-4 times a night, That went on for about 2 nights after that she was fine. Now i only get up 1 time an that is cause she is teething an her gums hurt her more at night. I hope this helps i know it is hard to hear your baby cry but it really is the best that they sleep in their crib they will get a better nights sleep. So just hang in there an remember that it is for their interest thats what i keep telling myself an it worked. |
| posted by on 05/08/2008 10:19 AM
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