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| Parents of Teens |
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| I really need some advice or options in regards to my defiant teen. We tried to make her go to anparent/teen support group last night. She refuses to get any help whatsoever. It became a huge ordeal and argument, so I called the Sheriff's to come over to talk to her. Did not help! She is now at her uncles house because I can't have her around the negative influences at school (specifically one person). Her self esteem is gone! She has issues she needs to work through and refuses any type of help. Me and my husband are going to Utah to check out some therapeutic ranches. Horses are her one true love, so we found a ranch that uses equine therapy. We really need help and advice. I have talked to so many people. I just need to see what other families are doing that have teens. Thanks for listening. |
| Posted by Mickey on 04/30/2008 07:06 PM
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| My teen has not been that defiant, but I think you are making a good choice to help her (I Googled equine therapy). I feel that sometimes they "need" to be in a different environment in order to get the help they need. |
| posted by sillymom on 04/30/2008 09:18 PM
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I do not have any problems with my 15 year old son , but my best friend is going through hell with her 14 year old son. He is making very bad grades in school and acting out all sorts of defiant behaviors. She is at her witts-end at this point and I am trying to be supportive daily. The public school he attends have a special school to send defiant kids, but they must be 16 or older. The cost is free. Another kids attends the school and he is now a changed human being. He has only been there for one year. He also, was out of control. Maybe if your child can open up to another adult other than mom and dad, a close friend or relative you can trust. That is the only saving thing for my best friend at this point. Her kid talks to me and I communicate back to her. We are all working together. It takes a villalge to raise a child, especially in these times. I live in Maryland. See if there are alternative schools for defiant teens in your area.
Helen |
| posted by Helen on 04/30/2008 10:03 PM
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| You sound like you are on the right track. Getting her focused on something she loves will help her change whatever feelings she is having. She may "hate" you for sending her but when it is all over she will thank you. Be strong and know that whatever she says, just remember she will come around. |
| posted by Lisa on 05/01/2008 10:58 AM
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| Thank you for your replies and your support. I am so emotionally tired over this. I honestly wish finances were not an issue. Why does it have to cost sooo much to get help and why is it the school system really does not offer much support or help? If anyone has any more advice, please let me know. I really hope we get some answers this weekend. Thank you, again |
| posted by Mickey on 05/01/2008 03:08 PM
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| I am sure it is emotionally exhausting, but try to hang in there. You may want to try something totally different with her. For one week, try not to point out any of her faults, trying praising her of any good behavior she displays, spend quality time with her only and ask her to choose what she wants to do. Try doing this seperate from the rest of the family.Give her more attention than usual. Try very hard not to engage in any arguments with her for one week. Sometimes if you flip the strip, things may change. This is just a thought. Because, I do deal with lots of parrents and kids of all ages, I am just giving you some of the remendies that did work. I know you all love her very much and that is what hurts the most. I will keep your family in my prayers. |
| posted by Helen on 05/01/2008 06:08 PM
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| I am sure it is emotionally exhausting, but try to hang in there. You may want to try something totally different with her. For one week, try not to point out any of her faults, trying praising her of any good behavior she displays, spend quality time with her only and ask her to choose what she wants to do. Try doing this seperate from the rest of the family.Give her more attention than usual. Try very hard not to engage in any arguments with her for one week. Sometimes if you flip the strip, things may change. This is just a thought. Because, I do deal with lots of parrents and kids of all ages, I am just giving you some of the remendies that did work. I know you all love her very much and that is what hurts the most. I will keep your family in my prayers. |
| posted by Helen on 05/01/2008 06:08 PM
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| Do you go to church? Most offer counseling, maybe one has something for teens. Or look into other activities, where she could help others. I would also look into a school transfer or maybe homeschooling. |
| posted by sillymom on 05/01/2008 10:06 PM
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| I have done it all sillymom. Nothing has worked for her. She still refuses to get any type of family therapy or individual therapy. |
| posted by Mickey on 05/02/2008 03:17 PM
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what about her teachers at school? what have they said about her behavior? grades?
How old is your teen? If all else fails, have her pack her bags and ask her to live somewhere else. If she wants to continue to live in your home, she has to live by your rules. |
| posted by esther on 05/03/2008 11:54 PM
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| We have decided to send her to an all girls ranch. We will wait until school is out. I'm not even sure she will allow us to take her, even if we tell her it's a camp for a few weeks. The ranch we picked out is perfect for her. She can still ride horses and continue her education in a more positive atmosphere. We really did not want to go this far to getting her help, but we don't see any other way to do it considering she won't willfully get the help she needs to have a successful, happy life. |
| posted by Mickey on 05/05/2008 12:09 PM
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| My brother in law did this with his son, and the son hated it. After a month or so, the son accepted it. When he came out of the program-he was quite and nice, but that lasted for awhile until he resorted to his old ways. Each child is different, and I hope only the best for you and your family during this transition. |
| posted by esther on 05/05/2008 05:43 PM
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